To complain to the school about this

[CradleCrapNap]

My DD who is in reception has come home twice now and said she was given a sticker for eating all of her lunch. AIBU to complain to the school and point out they are encouraging a piss poor attitude towards food and not going to help the obesity crisis by doing this? Surely eating everything in sight should not be encouraged or rewarded? We teach our kids that you eat when hungry and stop when you are full. This teaches them to carry on regardless in pursuit of praise/reward. It’s really bugging me but AIBU and reading too much into it? They’ve also advertised for lunchtime assistants who should ‘encourage children to eat’. By all means point out when they only have 5 mins left etc as I know they all dawdle but has any child ever become under nourished by failing to nag them to have ‘one more bite’ or does it just make mealtimes a battleground?

No Ayers mum you could not be further from the truth. She is not fussy at all. Loves kimchi, olives, curry, Thai, dim sum, has tried mussels, queenies, squid more than once (even though she continues to say she doesn’t like it she tries it again when we have it). She is always happy to try stuff and often likes things you wouldn’t really expect a 4 year old to enjoy.

Bobstersmum.... sorry, silly phone

I am happier with stickers for trying stuff. Although I generally dislike stickers all round! They seem to be the go to yet for some, including DD, they can have the opposite effect. She will dig her heels in and do the opposite just because she can. She’s more likely to be eating less than she wants as a result of these stickers at school.

Welcome to my world - teachers are damned if we do and damned if we don't at every turn. YABU.

I was a teacher and another teacher has commented. It's the school not the teachers that is issue.

Like my kids school who won't let them play in snow "for health and safety", but refuse to help my small child (from age 3) apply suncream in the summer. She's very pale and at greater risk of skin cancer. But they don't care.

A sticker for trying would be better.

I think YABU. I have an eating disorder so I do sort of understand your point but I just don't think it applies to most children.

The majority of the children at the school I teach in seem to eat the square root of nothing at lunchtime. The amount of waste scraped into the food bins at the end of each sitting is disgusting.

I have no problem at all with children not eating things they don't like or stopping eating when they are full. But they should know after the first few weeks of a school day a) what they like and b) how big their appetite is. Then they should take or ask for the amount and type of food they want. I do get cross with children who take a full plate of food and leave 95% of it. It's an appalling waste. If stickers prevent that from happening - great.

I do agree tufted, on all accounts. It is the school, not the teachers. I hadn’t for one second thought this was the teachers doing. And I also wouldn’t bring it up at parents evening. What a waste of the teachers valuable time.

Welcome to my world - teachers are damned if we do and damned if we don't at every turn.

Who's blaming teachers? It's very rare to see a teacher on lunch duty .

Manic, at your school do children take the food, or are served it? I very much doubt any child would ever know to say, I want x amount, or no...that’s too much? Surely they just wait for the adult to serve an appropriate sized portion. But as we know that really varies from child to child. Maybe stickers should be for trying something and or for minimal waste? Kids do need to learn about food waste as well. I genuinely took an almost full apple out of the bin today, and had it as my afternoon snack (no, I’m not kidding. Thankfully it hadn’t touched anything grotty in there in the 5 seconds it was in there). The 4 yo just decided she didn’t want it. We had a discussion about food waste and she just looked at me like I was mad but it is awful when perfectly good food goes in the bin. If I hadn’t eaten it I would have frozen it like I do bananas that the 1 year old takes one bite out of.

Agree with some PPs.
Would you moan if she wasn't eating?!
I don't think schools should be giving out desserts (new thread) but encouraging kids to eat their meals and not waste (especially as portion sizes are small) is fine, IMO.
Also agree that kids should have playtime before lunch.

I would complain. It’s one thing to encourage children to try something, but rewarding them for finishing all of their food sends the wrong message. And I say this as a parent who has children that barely eat and have had a lot of issues around food and appetite. Rewarding eating is against all the advise from the countless professionals I have seen for my children’s eating issues.

YANBU - some children like my dd don’t have a full up switch (not helped my mil encouraging her to eat/sneak chocolate & biscuits) & it encourages them to over eat.

CradleCap - depends what it is but a mixture of the two. They take their own salad bar lunches and deserts but point at what they want from the hot servery. Our youngest are age 7 though so maybe I'm expecting too much of a 4 year old to know how much they want. I think our older children should be able to say 'more' or 'less please' with reasonable accuracy though.

Manic - in our school the kids get very little control over food and zero over portion sizes. There is one 'choice' for main, (the veggie option is only available to those who have pre-ordered it) one accompaniment and they must choose at least one veg (or they can choose to have both). These are put on their plate if they like it or not. They can then take or leave salad and bread, this is the only thing they have full control of. They are made to take a pudding even if they say they don't want one. Reception sometimes get huge slices of pizza they can't manage and if there is a lot of food towards the end yr 6 often have their plates piled high by the kitchen so as not to waste it and not all of them can manage it.

Thanks twice. I believe I would feel the same even if she didn’t eat much. She eats a good breakfast every day and always has the snack on offer from school which is usually apples/carrot. So if she didn’t eat much at lunch it’s not that long til 3.20 when it’s Home time and again she always eats dinner. I want to agree with *lifeisabeach’ and say no desserts in school. Or at least not daily. Maybe a Friday treat. We eat everything in moderation but a dessert every day is too much and will only distract from the mains on offer and gives a warped view of what a healthy daily diet is. . If there were no dessert or just a piece of fruit, surely they’d eat more of their (hopefully slightly healthier) main, even if it wasn’t their favourite?

I am feeling a bit like I ABU now I know some schools reward eating with more food and Pacific yours MAKE the poor kids take dessert even if they don’t want it. How can we expect to raise healthy kids with a healthy attitude to food with this kind of stuff going on?
Manic yes I know my 4 year old wouldn’t be anywhere near saying ‘enough thanks’, even if prompted!

Yabu.
At four, I imagine there's far more parents wanting their children to eat their whole lunch, than those who don't.
Just count yourself lucky that your dd isn't fussy, and you're not do by a happy dance because she ate a pea.
Schools just can't win.
I might have missed it, but why not send her in with a packed lunch if you're bothered about it.?

As an aside, The dessert situation in school dinners is beyond bonkers. I haven't met a single parent ever who is happy that their dc gets a dessert every day with their lunch. Nobody wants it, dc wouldn't know if it was never there, it costs money, so why, why serve it?

manic at my DC's school, EYFS have their food brought to them at the table, they have no choice.

I’m not sending her in with packed lunch because she eats most things and school meals are free for reception. No idea if those on packed lunch get the same stickers for an empty lunch box?

Good point about the cost of dessert. Better spent elsewhere. Perhaps providing more than a lonely unpeeled carrot or apple at snack time?! Perhaps a stick of blue cheese to accompany, (grin)

bloody hell i’m rubbish at MN, how do you get the laughing face!!!! Ha

Yay!!

I wouldn't be happy with the puddings at all.

It's packed lunches only at our school and they encourage less packaged foods and say no crisps. DS comes home with any packaging in his box and they give the fruit scraps to the school chickens.