Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now that the chips are down, who is it that I need to call?

112 replies

Sullabylullaby · 17/03/2018 10:06

I live in a small block of flats. A woman and her daughter (approx. 3) live there and sometimes a man lives there too - I'm not sure if he is there all the time as I rarely see him, but have been hearing him more often recently.

For months now, I can hear the woman roaring at the little girl and the girl sobbing hysterically. It's absolutely sickening to listen to and breaks my heart. Right now, the little pet is sobbing hysterically (has been for the past 10 minutes with the woman shouting at her) and my stomach is in absolute knots. I actually feel nauseous hearing it.

I don't know whether she hits the little child as I can't hear that, but I am guessing yes, as sometimes the child's crying gets all the more urgent so to speak, as if she has been hit.

Anyway - now to the question (posting here for traffic, sorry it's not aibu?)

Who exactly do I call to report this woman? There is an ad on radio at the moment saying to report to the council, but what department do I call? Does anyone know what department? I would have thought it should be SS but I don't even know how to do that. Can you please direct me to the appropriate authority? I can't let this gorgeous little beautiful tiny thing suffer any longer. It's just galling, gut-wrenching and sickening to hear her little sobs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 17/03/2018 12:07

How the fuck would I want praise? I've been mulling this over for months and going between the two extremes expressed on here i.e., we all shout, little one is probably being naughty, to fuck me, I have to stop this. I didn't ask WHETHER to report because, as I've said, this morning and last night have cemented my decision that I AM REPORTING IT NOW. I literally asked the question - who exactly do I call. Simple question. But no, rant and rave at me like demented lunatics.

Anyway, I have the number now and will call them. Over and fucking out. Thanks.

OP posts:
Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 12:08

No one understands why you can’t goigke yourself

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 12:09

*google

VioletCharlotte · 17/03/2018 12:11

Don'tknowwhatimdoing
IMO people need to use their common sense and their judgement, rather than seeking other people's opinions on absolutely everything. No one on here knows how bad the shouting / screaming is because we're not there. All this thread has achieved is the OP now has loads of conflicting advice - call SS, call 999, don't call SS, it's normal for children to scream...

I can't understand how someone can listen to a mother yelling at a child who is sobbing bitterly, day after day, for months on end without doing anything, and then post on MN, on a Saturday morning, about how it's 'galling, gut wrenching and sickening' to listen to. But can't work out how to contact social services.

extinctspecies · 17/03/2018 12:11

Astonished at the abuse you are getting from some people on here OP.

Flowers to you for caring and for taking some positive steps to intervene.

And back off, vipers.

LimonViola · 17/03/2018 12:12

... wow.

TheNoseyProject · 17/03/2018 12:13

This website might put you mind at rest. The summary is always call social services:

tacklechildabuse.campaign.gov.uk

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 17/03/2018 12:16

I reported something similar to NSPCC, then they make the decision of whether to pass to SS. They did and SS contacted me and said they were previously known to them but had moved. They came round to visit them, they couldn’t get in the front door of the flats, left and never came back, as far as I could make out.
I often wonder how that child is now.

namechangerbob · 17/03/2018 12:23

What kind of life is this for that little girl? Her mother continually shouting at her to make her that upset? This will obviously have some affect on her in later life.

Parenthood is hard, we all get frustrated, may raise our voices, but if we continue when our child is that upset, that's not right.

Womblewobble · 17/03/2018 12:30

People who are minimising this need to seriously bugger off. Most adults can tell the difference between a seriously distressed “something is desperately wrong” cry and a “typical telling off cry”. If more people didn’t minimise these things then perhaps less abuse would occur. Even if the child isn’t being hit, constant screaming and parents arguing loudly IS emotional abuse and still should be reported.

OP- ignore people telling you that you are over reacting or that they shout at their kids etc. Bloody report it.

Highlandheath · 17/03/2018 12:32

"How the fuck would I want praise? I've been mulling this over for months and going between the two extremes expressed on here i.e., we all shout, little one is probably being naughty, to fuck me, I have to stop this. I didn't ask WHETHER to report because, as I've said, this morning and last night have cemented my decision that I AM REPORTING IT NOW. I literally asked the question - who exactly do I call. Simple question. But no, rant and rave at me like demented lunatics.

Anyway, I have the number now and will call them. Over and fucking out. Thanks." Hmmm.... Seems like the OP has anger issues herself....

teaiseverything · 17/03/2018 12:32

Please let us know what happens OP, this is really bloody sad.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 12:39

Most adults can tell the difference between a seriously distressed “something is desperately wrong” cry and a “typical telling off cry”.

Do you think it usually takes most adults months to work out the difference?

TheBrilliantMistake · 17/03/2018 12:41

"I can't hear if she is hitting the girl but I am guessing yes." Please do not waste the authorities time by making a report based on guesses.

Sadly a great deal of abuse happens precisely because people don't report this sort of stuff. Very few abusers hit their kids in sight of others.
Obviously there's a difference between a shouted at child throwing a tantrum and one who's being abused, but if this is a repeated pattern, it needs to be reported.

I can absolutely assure you that in many cases where a child has been abused, neighbours will often say 'we did hear a lot of arguments and crying, but just thought it was normal stuff'.
It is fairly normal in most households... maybe once or twice in a year but not multiple times in a week.

Karrot · 17/03/2018 12:45

My five year old has night terrors where she screams hysterically "No Mummy, no, please, please" (or daddy, or a friend's name, or various things else) repeatedly at the top of her lungs for up to ten minutes - she is asleep, but sitting up with her eyes open. I can be sitting there right in front of her and she can't see me.

During the day, she is generally the happiest, bounciest child in the world. However, like all kids, she also occasionally has hysterical tantrums when she's awake if we do something as awful as refuse to let her watch another episode of Ben and Holly.

Re the night terrors I've often wondered what our neighbours (the ones who don't know about it) must think and if they've ever considered reporting us to anyone as it must sound awful on the outside! (obviously, we've never laid a hand on her and she is a very loved little girl).

Do you know the family at all? Do you have a feel for whether the parents are generally otherwise good with her?

UnsuspectedItem · 17/03/2018 12:55

I didn't say don't call Ss, if you have concerns obviously do that.
What I'm saying is that toddlers can scream for England, and looking at them the wrong way can make them suddenly start screaming worse.
It's ridiculous to suggest 999 unless the screaming is amongst other noises (banging, slapping thudding)or for an extremely prolonged period of time.

This is exactly what 101 is for. I called them after suspecting my employer whipping his 4 year old when I was in the other room. They respond very quickly to calls involving children and are best placed to advise.

The mother could be a bitch from hell or at the end of her tether with a very difficult child (either way she shouldn't be shouting). It is not a 999 situation.

UnsuspectedItem · 17/03/2018 12:56

Has anyone on this thread not to report it? Obviously report it, but don't go calling the fuzz

abigailsnan · 17/03/2018 13:05

I personally would have reported this months ago but that is me I take no chances OPs is totally different by all accounts and I think she needs backup and being told she is doing the right thing.
OPs can you not go and knock on the door of your neighbour and ask if her little one is unwell as you can hear her crying you could offer to get her any shopping if tot is poorly, giving you chance to let the parent know you can hear what is going on,and if you are not reporting until Monday at least it will give the mum time to reflect and give the child some respite from her mothers constant shouting.

aproblemsharedandallthat · 17/03/2018 14:25

If you can, record it on your phone. My sister had this issue and she recorded many of the issues which backed up what she was saying. She also involved the police and social services.

aproblemsharedandallthat · 17/03/2018 14:25

Also, make a log

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/03/2018 17:30

Most adults can understand the difference between a seriously distressed "something is desperately wrong cry" and a "typical telling off cry"

That's a valid point in this case but I think it's worth bearing in mind that children who are continually exposed to verbal or physical abuse do start to accept it as the norm and won't necessarily react with loud crying (for eg) or react as you'd expect say your own child in that situation.

My point being that a child's almost unflinching reaction to a shouting parent isn't always an indicator of them not being systematically mistreated.

That's why it's important if anyone suspects child abuse to report it. That can be done anonymously if you're worried about retaliation OP.

Leave it to the child protection agency to decide whether there is cause for intervention. If there is a reasonable explanation for what you've heard (for eg SEN meltdowns) then you've done nothing wrong in flagging up your concern.

Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 18/03/2018 15:54

Ok, well an update of sorts. The shouting had started up again, so I have just called 101 and police are downstairs now. I feel like such a busy body but know/hope I'm doing the right thing for the little one. God this isn't bloody easy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sullabylullaby · 18/03/2018 15:56

Police man was nice on phone as I'm a little distressed. Jesus I hope I've made the right decision.

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 18/03/2018 16:02

You have 100% done the right thing :) you couldn't possibly hold that on your conscience and do absolutely nothing. That little girl is obviously in severe stress,and she can't do anything about it.....

TheBrilliantMistake · 18/03/2018 16:03

You've done the right thing. If there is a danger to the child it stands a much better chance of being detected now. If there is no real danger, then there is no harm done anyway.

You would have far more regrets if anything DID happen to the child and you'd done nothing.