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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now that the chips are down, who is it that I need to call?

112 replies

Sullabylullaby · 17/03/2018 10:06

I live in a small block of flats. A woman and her daughter (approx. 3) live there and sometimes a man lives there too - I'm not sure if he is there all the time as I rarely see him, but have been hearing him more often recently.

For months now, I can hear the woman roaring at the little girl and the girl sobbing hysterically. It's absolutely sickening to listen to and breaks my heart. Right now, the little pet is sobbing hysterically (has been for the past 10 minutes with the woman shouting at her) and my stomach is in absolute knots. I actually feel nauseous hearing it.

I don't know whether she hits the little child as I can't hear that, but I am guessing yes, as sometimes the child's crying gets all the more urgent so to speak, as if she has been hit.

Anyway - now to the question (posting here for traffic, sorry it's not aibu?)

Who exactly do I call to report this woman? There is an ad on radio at the moment saying to report to the council, but what department do I call? Does anyone know what department? I would have thought it should be SS but I don't even know how to do that. Can you please direct me to the appropriate authority? I can't let this gorgeous little beautiful tiny thing suffer any longer. It's just galling, gut-wrenching and sickening to hear her little sobs.

OP posts:
RunMummyRun68 · 17/03/2018 11:14

What if the neighbours on the other side have reported already...... an extra report from other neighbours would make it more valid

Highlandheath · 17/03/2018 11:18

Absolutely baffled by this post, and agree with Violetcharlotte. You are capable of setting up a mums net thread, but not of googling Social Services or the NSPCC? You are heart broken and gut wrenched by what you paint as a picture of absolute horror, but it's not something you want to call the Police over? Why? Because the Police would take YOUR details as well as the mother? How would she know it was you? Have you a history of harassing her? In your position, if I was a neighbour, I would be inclined to go and knock on the door and ask - nicely "are you OK?", and offer to put the kettle on. At best she may just burst into tears and accept, at worst she will tell you to F off but will know that someone is looking out for the little girl, and might rein in a bit. Getting the SS involved will help no one, and cause more harm than good.

DriveInSaturday · 17/03/2018 11:23

Some posters are, rightly, pointing out that children can and do scream without having been abused. But the difference here is that OP isn't just hearing the child screaming - the mum is constantly shouting at the child.

PrettyLittIeThing · 17/03/2018 11:34

My neighbour shouts at her kids hell sometimes I do! It's not a crime so no need for police.

Ihavesomeballs · 17/03/2018 11:36

PrettyLittIeThing

If it's persistent it could indicate abuse, especially name calling, swearing. If you have to constantly scream at your kids perhaps a patenting course might be an option.

Maryann1975 · 17/03/2018 11:38

I’ve just done a safeguarding course for work. One of the case studies they used to test us on was similar to the case you describe. None of the neighbours did anything and the school staff were a bit lax with their safeguarding policy. It ended with the baby dying and the two other children being taken away from their mother.

Child protection is everyone’s responsibility and if you have concerns, you need to report them. If it’s as bad as it could be you will be saving a child and if it’s not as bad as it sounds at least the mother will be on the radar and get some parenting advice. Either way, better for the child than what they have at the moment.

BanyanTree · 17/03/2018 11:38

The OP has observed over a few months that this little girl (3!!) is being shouted at and is hysterical. If I heard that constantly I would be concerned too.

She has probably come on here because, like most women, she may feel unsure, bad about reporting it and needed the final push to do it.

I can't believe that some of you don't think she should report it. No wonder we have children who die at the hands of their parents when so many of us turn the other cheek. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP, I take my hat off to you for being so community minded. If only we had more people like you around.

crunchtime · 17/03/2018 11:41

read this and then phone them

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

Maryann1975 · 17/03/2018 11:41

I have also reported a parent at ds school for leaving their small child alone somewhere they shouldn’t have done. I did give my name, but was told I could have done it anonymously if I’d have preferred this option.

Raven88 · 17/03/2018 11:41

directory.walthamforest.gov.uk/kb5/walthamforest/directory/advice.page?id=27fyEuq_Qzo

The number is on this page. You can report it now to the out of hours team.

PrettyLittIeThing · 17/03/2018 11:41

My sister is a teacher and lost her voice and said wouldn't be going into work as she won't be able to shout at the kids and if she doesn't shout they won't listen. Everyone I know IRL shouts at their kids. I don't need a parenting course thanks!

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 11:42

I find it really odd that you can’t work out for yourself who to call. It’s almost like you want all the praise Shock

PrettyLittIeThing · 17/03/2018 11:43

I can gaurantee if there are no other concerns then ss won't do anything about this. The op doesn't mention swearing or calling the child names unless I've missed it.

TwigTheWonderKid · 17/03/2018 11:44

From what you describe I can't understand why you've let this go on for months without doing anything about it before.

Could you find a reason to knock on their door (perhaps they might have taken in a parcel for you) and that way you might possibly get a look at the little girl?

Dontknowwhatimdoing · 17/03/2018 11:49

Why do people feel the need to bash the OP for starting a thread about this? Should we just give up on communicating with each other and Google everything? Maybe she just wanted to run it past other people, and get an idea of what actual people thought was the best plan.

FWIW OP, I think a call to Social Services would be a good idea.

user1492958275 · 17/03/2018 11:50

How lovely of you to listen to this for months before deciding to take action.

If you really feel the child is being hit why so long?

I'm not buying the situation as a whole tbh, no ones morals are that low that they would ignore it for so long surely and then choose to post here instead of cracking on and ringing up. They would transfer you to the right department, it's just weird.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 11:50

Actually you’ve really quite annoyed me OP. You’ve been hearing for months the same screaming and shouting and all of a sudden, on a Saturday morning, you decide to do something? Just when the relevant offices are working with out of hours staff who are scarce and expensive.

Not only that but you’re being told to involve the emergency services. If you wanted to do something why didn’t you do it at 2pm last Tuesday? Foolish and such a bloody waste of resources.

And “google baby P” FFs, firstly who doesn’t know about baby P and secondly is foolish and dramatic to think shouting will inevitability end in systematic abuse and murder

stillvicarinatutu · 17/03/2018 11:53

just call the NSPCC. put your google skills to use and google them - they have a helpline number for reporting. they will pass the details to police who will go when resources allow and check the conditions etc. any child concern and they will do a referral to social services for follow up.

and - as an aside - i agree with sprinkles

LimonViola · 17/03/2018 11:54

I can gaurantee if there are no other concerns then ss won't do anything about this. The op doesn't mention swearing or calling the child names unless I've missed it.

And we don't know whether there are any other concerns.

SS's duty is to investigate or not. They make that decision.

OP's duty is to report what she knows.

Not reporting because you've already decided nothing will be done when you haven't a clue what else is going on or has been reported is foolish and neglectful of your responsibility to protect a child.

tinysleepy · 17/03/2018 11:55

OP - ALL local authorities have an out of hours emergency duty team of social workers. Call the main number & there should be a recorded message giving you EDT number. They can do a 'safe & well' visit & pass to the main teams on Monday or refer to the MASH team.
Call now. Yes children cry but many many children would be kept safe if people who heard things picked up the phone.
DO IT NOW!!!!

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 11:56

Yes well she can do that Tuesday limon (don’t bother Monday they’re busy with all the children who nearly got killed at the weekend)

LimonViola · 17/03/2018 11:59

It's not down to OP to try carefully pick which day to ring based on her own guesswork about how busy they may be.

She can ring anytime. Sooner the better imo.

If you haven't rang after this thread OP, what are you waiting for?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 17/03/2018 12:03

She’s has had MONTHS to do it. There is hardly any hurry

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 17/03/2018 12:04

Waltham forest child protection services (out of hours number)
0208 4963000

Mon -Fri 9-5pm 0208 4962310

user764329056 · 17/03/2018 12:04

Yes, report it, am always amazed that neighbours who hear a child in obvious distress ignore it, surely Baby P and other horrifically abused children would have been Malta lot of noise during the terror he suffered and neighbours would have heard that it was abnormal, don’t ignore, there’s a difference to normal parenting, telling a child off for something, and obvious distress, rely on your instincts

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