To be pissed off the are spending money I don't have?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Just had a text from sibling A showing a pic they have had framed for DM. with a message saying we owe X £70. Sibling B replies "looks great i'll give you the money this weekend".
I replied asking what it is for and am told it is a mothers day present for our DM. As it happens, it is a very nice and thoughtful present but I am pissed off that they have agreed this and ordered- expecting me to chip in, but haven't actually told me about it!

For context, I have two kids and have struggled to pay bills at various points over the last 12 months which they are both aware of, neither of them have dependants and are both single. It is also both parents birthdays next month too so I will have to pay for that!
I am really annoyed and don't know what to say to their latest message "sorry we forgot to tell you, thought it would be nice".
Yes it is nice but I cannot afford to spend almost £25 on mothers day (already spent £8 on flowers and a card) on top of two birthdays next month.
It always makes me out to be the bad guy! AIBU? What would you reply?

I'd just be honest and say you're on a tight budget right now. Remind them that they know you've been struggling, and with the birthdays coming up and general things the kids need, that you simply don't have that much money for it right now. They're you're siblings - they'll understand, and if they don't then that's not your problem. Your mum will be happy no matter what.

Just say “Ive already got my present for Mum, so that’s just between the two of you. She’ll love it”

A bunch of flowers compared to what they have got looks shit!
I am really frustrated they have put me in this position. I could suggest it is her birthday present instead but again, it makes me look like the bad guy.
I am always saying no to things because we cannot afford them and I feel really guilty about it. Now I feel shit again!

Yes, say you've already sorted Mothers Day.

so was the joint gift £210 in total ?

Don't feel guilty. Just say you you can't this time. Surely they will understand

You have no need to feel guilty. One presumes your mum is aware you are not flush. Just tell your sibs that in future, they need to give you the heads up or check first. They are bloody dumb to assume you’ll be happy to pay out. They must know you’re forking out to bring up children! I think they’re very inconsiderate. No way would I ever buy something then expect my sib to pay half. Just rude of them.

Plus I will be there when they give it her this weekend which is even worse! I can't let our mum thank me for it so will have to point out that I didn't go in on it. "oh no mum, just the flowers were off me, those that are probably dead already, this lovely framed photo of the two most important women in your life is just from your other two children."

Well then tell them you can’t afford £70 and offer what you can? That way you’ve Still contributed.

If you can’t afford it just say I can’t afford it sorry so it will have to be between you too instead.

Just because you can’t afford it though doesn’t mean your other siblings shouldn’t give your mum nice things.

Who is it a picture of?

No Gemini, the cost of the whole thing is £70 doesn't sound much when you split it to around £24 each but that makes about £32 on top of buying my parents birthday presents in the next two weeks will equal around £100 spent. In context that £24 pays for 1/3 of our weekly food shop.
I still owe my parents £150 that they lent us in Jan.

I can afford £24, I will then struggle to pay for birthday presents for them in a few weeks time though.

Justdon'tknow, I have no issue with them buying her nice things, the issue is they are expecting me to pay for something they didn't consult me on first!

Just bow out and say you can't afford it, I doubt your parents want you to struggle for the sake of a gift for them!!!

Spend £10 less on them each on there birthdays ?
Or just say no sorry, I already got mum some flowers for mother’s day.

Just say no then.

Surely our can stretch to 24pounds as someone else said just spent less on birthday present

I know there are ways around it.
My problem is that I feel the bad guy ALL THE TIME. They are making decisions about money without consulting me. If I was flush I wouldn't mind but I am skint.

I just want to know if it unreasonable of me to be annoyed at them tbh.

not atall OP.. if you don't have the money then you don't have the money... please don't give into this gift.. you have something for your Mother already.... don't make your finances worse

Just say you are not going in on joint gifts as your budget is tight.

But it is unreasonable to expect others to not buy nice things just because you feel bad that you can't.

I agree it is thoughtless of them to not check you could afford the gift.

Just say 'Looks lovely, mum will love it. I'll have to bow out as I've already sorted mum's present. Am on a tight budget with the kids (I never knew how true those news stories about kids costing millions are!). I'll sort something for mum and dad birthdays myself too, unless you're ok to go in at max £(whatever you can afford) each for them?

They are your siblings, pretty sure they won't want you to be struggling. They probably just don't realise how much DC cost.

Have you said to them "I am skint"? I wouldn't dream of committing my siblings to something without discussion first and nor they me, you really have nothing to feel bad about saying you can't join in and your mother will appreciate any thought you have, not the money spent. I can only assume your siblings don't realise that you are on a tight budget.
Being on a tight budget is nothing to feel bad about, honestly.

Right pay the £24 now and then tell your siblings that in future you would like to be consulted before any joint presents are purchased because you are on a tight budget.

You're not unreasonable at all! Just say you can't afford it and don't worry.

Who is the photo of?