To be pissed off the are spending money I don't have?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Just had a text from sibling A showing a pic they have had framed for DM. with a message saying we owe X £70. Sibling B replies "looks great i'll give you the money this weekend".
I replied asking what it is for and am told it is a mothers day present for our DM. As it happens, it is a very nice and thoughtful present but I am pissed off that they have agreed this and ordered- expecting me to chip in, but haven't actually told me about it!

For context, I have two kids and have struggled to pay bills at various points over the last 12 months which they are both aware of, neither of them have dependants and are both single. It is also both parents birthdays next month too so I will have to pay for that!
I am really annoyed and don't know what to say to their latest message "sorry we forgot to tell you, thought it would be nice".
Yes it is nice but I cannot afford to spend almost £25 on mothers day (already spent £8 on flowers and a card) on top of two birthdays next month.
It always makes me out to be the bad guy! AIBU? What would you reply?

Your latest message shows your siblings are just thoughtless not intentionally unkind. I am the richer of 3 siblings by quite a lot and my brother doesn’t work and doesn’t do buying presents. If my sister or I have a good idea for a joint present I buy it, they contribute what they can and I pay the balance. I never agree to get anything I couldn’t afford to pay for the whole thing so I don’t mind and I know it makes my mother happy to say things are from all 3 of us and include my brother. Your mother wouldn’t want this to make you sad or cause you financial hardship. Let your siblings say it is from all 3 of you and try to enjoy your Mum’s pleasure when she gets it. It sounds like your siblings understand that you all contribute what you can to the family. Everyone benefits from having young kids in the family and all adults should understand that the kids are your financial priority.

Yanbu. You don't assume someone can or will want to pay towards something they know nothing about! It's so rude.

My dh's siblings did similar but with a party. A party!

Don't feel shit about it. Your siblings were very thoughtless and good on them for taking it on the chin.

They will keep pulling this shit if you give in everytime. Yes they are being unsympathetic and rude but you can’t change them, feeling shit, although understandable, is your choice. Stop being embarrassed and stand your ground, even if I could afford it I wouldn’t enable this type of financial blackmail by giving in to it.

Just say no and if anyone asks tell the bloody truth, you’ve nothing to be ashamed of but only you can stop the feeling.