To ask you to cheer me up with funny things your kids say?

[smileygrapefruit]

I'm stuck at home struck with the flu trying my very best to care for 3 DC under 4. To say I'm struggling is an understatement. My 2 year old just cheered me up though. I'm in pj bottoms and a zip up hoody (no bra- relevant) and have just breastfed baby. As I went to zip my hoody back up 2 year old asks, shocked, "where your boobie lid?!" Please cheer me up with some funny things your kids have said when they haven't known the name of or mispronounced something. Oh another one, prawn crackers are known as knackers in our house as that is what now 4 yo called them when she was little!

DD is nearly 3. Downstairs is ‘sandairs’ and pigeons are ‘puddings’. Was a shock the first time she told me there was a pudding in the garden!

@drwhy oh yes, love the flap books. There's one called oops I think. The chick has a poo on one page and the flap 'makes' it happen along with red cheeks too. Face cheeks, not bum!
She particularly enjoys that one!

DD used to call popcorn 'cockporn', which made cinema visits rather excruciating.

Not my child, but we were recently viewing a large (5-6 bedrooms, multiple bathrooms etc), beautifully presented Show house on a local development. We met another family in the gleaming kitchen ...... mum, dad and DD around 6 or 7. The following conversation took place.

Child: This is a nice house isn’t it mummy?
Mother: yes, it’s lovely.
Child: We couldn’t live here though.
Mother, looking puzzled: oh, why not?
Child: well, we don’t have enough people.

Oh, people mentioning the Fat Controller reminded me that for my daughter, every remote control was a fat controller. I especially liked her trying to describe a "Hide and Seek Scooby" toy she'd seen advertised on the telly and wanted for Christmas. "It's a Scooby Doo who can talk and a white fat controller with an orange straw on the top"

DS loves the song "what does the Fox say" after hearing it in kindergarten. Loves making all the noises, but hasn't quite grasped the title, so will often chant (preferably in public of course) "fucks sake, FUCKS SAKE!"

On a sweeter note, last summer on one of the really hot days, I changed into a maxi dress (I don't often wear dresses), came down to DS who let out an over dramatic gasp and saying "oh MUMMY, you never told me you were a PRINCESS!"

my wee girl at nursery heard her teachers cat had gave birth go kittens. cue many questions about where baby kittens come from. i explanied that the mummy kitten has babys like human mummys and she was happy with that. few days later in my very posh mil house... Gran did you know babies pop out of pussys. took a long time to explain what she ment and that pussycats have babys like humans.

We have "ridiclious" and "miraclious", we used to have "Badonald's".

Talking about where babies come from, DD, who was then 9, said she understood about the sperm and the egg, but how did it get in there? I asked her if she'd seen animals mating on David Attenborough (she's obsessed with his programmes, her Netflix is full of them), and what did she think happened? She said, "I know they chew each other's ears a lot!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂

My niece (4) said to DM (70) "Why is your face so wobbly?" the other day.

Laughing at some of the above posts and they reminded me of a few things my dd said

My dd asked my df if he was a Roundhead or a Cavalier, she believed him when he said he was a squarehead.

When she was little (after a couple of deaths in the family) she went through a stage of starting any sentence with, when you die , on Tuesday.... I used to really love Wednesdays

At age 7 or 8 when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up her choices were: a mum at 13 (thank you Eastenders), a page 3 girl (thank dniece's boyfriend who let her read the Sun) but she was concerned that the photographer might be a man and she didn't want to take her clothes off in front of a man, and to go to Cambridge Uni. I spent a long time discussing the benefits of education.

When mine was 4 I had to have the cat put to sleep as it was so ill. I picked her up from school and bought her an ice cream ready to break the news, Conversation went:
Me - Darling you know how the cat was poorly - well she's had to go to heaven
DD - will God make her better?
Me- Yes sweetheart he will
DD - will God make her back legs work again (she had kidney failure )
Me - Yes God will make her all better and she'll be happy

Cue moments pause - I could hear her brain whirring !!

DD - Yeah - but will she still piss on the carpets !!!!
Wasn't quite sure how to answer that one !!!

@MrsWhirly when Dd was about 2 I explained to her that if anyone touched her privates, showed them theirs or asked to see hers, she was to tell to straight away. About a week later on a quiet train, she loudly - and concerned - said “ Mum, if anyone ever touches your private parts - you tell me!” Queue lots of hysterical and some flabbergasted London commuters. She was so cute at that age though, I could have eaten her x

I can't stop laughing

My son was 3, and he announced how he couldn't wait to turn 18 so he could get married and have children. I asked him what he thought his wife would be like, and he said "She'll be tall, very nice, and she will have big nipples so she can feed the baby."

Blish bingers

On a sweeter note, last summer on one of the really hot days, I changed into a maxi dress (I don't often wear dresses), came down to DS who let out an over dramatic gasp and saying "oh MUMMY, you never told me you were a PRINCESS!"

awwww!

Bumble bees are bum bum bees

Our 10yr old ds saying in earnest as we drove through a forest “hope there’s no plumas in here”. Still makes me smile 4 years later.

My DD2 was busy discussing cars and their accessories and was talking about the 'mermaids' on them... it took me a good five minutes of questioning and asking her to point a 'mermaid' out for me to realise it was an ariel... all cars now have mermaids on them.

Going for a walk in a forest with DS1 when he was little, he announced loudly ‘I want to hump the big dick’ He meant ‘jump the big stick’ and yes there were other people around. ☺️

DD, aged 6, "I wish you were blind."
"What? Why?"
"Well, because then we'd have a dog."

Same DD, to a chubby chap in a swimming pool:
"You've got really big boobs for a man!"

DD: "How do you make cheese?"
Mum: "It's made from cows"
DD: "How can cows make it? they haven't got any hands"

I could go on and on and on…