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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disappointed I got nothing, Mother's day

150 replies

toomuchconfusion · 11/03/2018 16:20

I have a DH and our kids are 8, 6 and 3. I got nothing today - no cards, no present, no little bunch of flowers, not even a drawing or some hand made lovely from them (they are home educated so no prompting by school to make something). I reminded them it was Mother's day twice this week and sorted out things for my Mum & MIL with DH, so they all knew it was today.
I've felt pretty disappointed all day as husband didn't encourage them to do anything for Mother's day. He got up with them so I could lie in but we are fairly good at taking turns with lie in's on a normal weekend so nothing out of the ordinary. I've done some washing, half way through cooking a roast dinner (only contribution from DH was peeling potatoes), loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. I can believe he didn't even think to give the kitchen a quick clean before I got up this morning. 'We popped out to the park as a family and I made sure I stayed positive, so we had a nice time there.
Now we're home I can't get past feeling disappointed. It just feels like a huge lack of thought. Would have been too much to ask to get the kids to draw a picture or do something simple? This is the first year I got absolutely nothing. I don't want to talk to DH about it because I don't want a pity present and I don't want anyone to feel they have to do things out of duty but because they know I would appreciate something. He's not done it because of any problems with us or anything along those lines, he's just not thought about it or thought it wasn't important. I'm fairly laid back about things like this in the sense that I don't expect some grand gesture, but nothing feels a bit crappy.
So AIBU and entitled?

OP posts:

Attitude84 · 12/03/2018 19:13

Return the ‘kind thoughts’ on fathers day

Bunnyfuller · 12/03/2018 19:28

I think these things are driven by the DH. Mine is a 'furriner' and cannot bear the artificial excuse to make people spend money of the majority of the western 'celebrations'. He's also crap at choosing presents so he gets some firm nudges when such an occasion approaches. Bit more annoying as the kids get older, but unfortunately there's no automatic remembering from mine yet!

It's a made up day anyway so just give them all a poke! Your children are pretty young to be remembering it themselves!

GinghamStyle · 12/03/2018 19:36

I'm a single parent. Went with DS (10) to buy cards for my mum from me and him and asked if he would like to get me one, which he did and so I gave him £5 and didn't look while he chose it and he wrote it later on while I was doing something in another room. He wrote me a lovely message inside and I feel very lucky indeed.

My mum never takes him to buy me something for Mother's Day but he's at an age now where he likes to go to Lush and Thorntons to buy presents for me and my mum and I don't look while he chooses and hand over the cash! It works well for us.

I'm always buying my mum flowers and so I bought her a card and take away while we chilled out with Dancing on Ice.

Sally2791 · 12/03/2018 19:54

I would certainly have been upset, I think opportunities to celebrate are important and the children should be encouraged to think of others on their special days. Definitely speak to DH calmly but firmly.

Icanttakemuchmore · 12/03/2018 20:08

I have a 31yr old daughter that never bothers. I was lucky to get a what's app message from her which is unusual for mothers day! But hubby got me flowers and chocolates. But, valentines day, nothing. But then we've got a lot going on at the minute. I would be upset if I had little children and their dad overlooked mothers day, especially if I'd got something for his mother.

GabsAlot · 12/03/2018 20:56

dh and i dont celebrate valentines but thats an agreement the fact so many partners on here just couldnt be bothered and then gt defensive when its brought up is disgusting-not tea ching the kids much are they

just do nothing fathers day pretend its another sunday

UnRavellingFast · 12/03/2018 21:11

I don't really care about MD and think the whole thing sets us up for a fall. I used to always get some flowers but recently separated and told dcs not to feel pressured. They said they loved me and made me a cup of tea. That's fine by me! It's like th whole drama about anniversaries. We generally forgot and neither of us cared. It just seems contrived and demanding. I like nice things when they come along. I have to say you shouldn't bother with Father's Day either then no expectations all round and buy yourself a treat! However birthdays and Xmas presents should always be given with care and forethought in my book! But we're all different. Take the easy path across rough ground otherwise.

RubyFlint · 12/03/2018 21:11

That’s pretty poor of your DH, especially as you sorted out his mum together, it’s not as if he didn’t realise wha say it is. ☹️

RubyFlint · 12/03/2018 21:12

What day

cherish123 · 12/03/2018 22:01

A homemade card would have been nice. I am sure he could have organised this.

manicmij · 12/03/2018 22:54

As you organised something for the Grandmothers with your DH he must have know so to ignore you is a bit sad. I personally wouldn't care as I do feel commercialism has taken over and people are pressurised to buy gifts. Most people with young children do though manage at least a card to basically say a Thank You. Unless you have expressed previously that you think this occasion is totally unnecessary your DH could have got the children to do a drawing at least. Why does he take part in helping organise the Grandmothers' gifts but doesn't bother with you?

Teacher22 · 13/03/2018 06:52

I think it is important that family members be made aware of being kind on birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s and Father’s Day and so on.

My husband and son have become selfish and dilatory about these isssues and even a bit sulky when reminded as if thinking about their (female) loved ones is a chore. They are being rude, selfish and are taking their loved ones for granted. They always expect to be feted and bought nice presents when it is their turn.

The problem is that if we let the boys get away with it we are producing problems for the rest of society as we are foisting a host of selfish, uncaring parasites on others.

If we forget the celebrations and ceremonies that punctuate our lives we lose our culture. Saying thank you is also essential especially when many tasks, for example, those associated with family duties, are unpaid and usually unsung.

MITCHELL33 · 13/03/2018 10:10

I wouldn't bother with Easter or Fathers Day.When mine were at primary school they would make cards in class.Probably dont do that now for fear of offending!

pollymere · 13/03/2018 12:03

Tricky. My dh was brought up not celebrating stuff so it doesn't cross his mind, although he is getting better. My dd who's now 12, however, now realises that we need to do something so has made me bad cards in the past. This year she booked lunch and baked scones. I think there is usually an element of Mummy organization involved. I always remind my dh to go out with dd to buy card and I helped her with the booking. You've a right to feel upset, but you need to explain to dh, rather than being upset and assuming he'll know why.

MorriBuntz25 · 13/03/2018 12:27

Completely right to feel upset and you know everyone on here will agree with you so why post this,talk to your other half. I would. Social media won't sort this and prevent it happening again but talking to him will xx

Redland12 · 13/03/2018 13:52

Totally out of order, mums are amazing and it's once a year to be recognised loved and cherished for it. We give so much so selflessly and never ask anything in return. I think it's completely selfish of your husband and you need to tell him your feelings. They have a whole year to know when it is. No excuse.

Badwifey · 13/03/2018 17:06

Nothing here either. My dh grew up in a house where nothing was celebrated. I grew up in a house where everything is celebrated. So I was a bit disappointed. I had told him before that is like some small token of appreciation, mybfirst mothers day was a 50 quid in a card. So thoughtless as I could have just taken it from our joint account! Anyway were not that flush at the moment but I've decided I'm goingbto get my hair done regardless. I never spend on myself.
I'll still probably get him a father's day gift and make it's nice day for him but that's just the way I am.

Whoopwhoopwooo · 13/03/2018 22:48

Aww poor you, I’d be disappointed too. As you said just to be made a fuss of not loads of money spent. A decorated card made by the kids and breakfast in bed wouldn’t have hurt him. Ignore Father’s Day Hun 💐 xx

OMGafourth · 15/03/2018 10:42

I've got used to it now... Mine are 11,4 and 2. With no 4 due this year. Rarely get anything for mother's day/birthday/Xmas. DH is just useless at these things.
I've decided this year, as a joint gift (to cover all 3) I'm getting myself a cat. Always wanted a Maine coon, so I'm getting one!
My mother's day consisted of sorting the kids at 6am, getting tea and breakie for DH when he got home from work, doing the house work and building a new unit for the sitting room, whilst stopping the kids from throttling each other. Standard Sunday! 😂

wood0032 · 15/03/2018 14:47

I get where many people see the commercialised rubbish that comes with any celebration day but for me, I’ve never enjoyed/liked that side of things. Even as a child, I preferred a card with a nice verse to a thoughtless gift.

We’ve been clearing out the loft and as I’m rather sentimental, I do tend to hoard old cards, keepsakes, etc. There was a marked difference between the cards my duh bought me in our first year together in comparison to future cards. I made it clear then that I preferred thought and effort over material things (I even told him to return the mobile phone he bought me for our first Xmas).

I have been ill with depression of late and have found my moods can flip in an instant. Despite this, my husband spent some time just him and our son, to do some painting. He made me a card and canvas, he made a picture for his nanna and one for his auntie. Our son is 3. My husband hasn’t gotten along with his mother and they had a massive fall out when our son was 2 1/2 so it’s not like he was reminded by some gesture in that respect. I bought cards for my mum from us all and I baked her her favourite and gave her her usual bunch of daffs. Not much expense but buckets of thought and effort. Just as any celebration should be.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/03/2018 14:53

Bunny - are non western celebrations ok then

Annavas · 13/05/2018 10:50

Nothing so far. My daughter did make a really special card but hasn't written anything yet. 2 boys nothing. I am a teacher and made over 100 mixed media cards for my classes some including a pendant. My kids saw each one so they know it's Mothers day today. I even left the sample cards on the table last night telling them they could simply fill one in if they wanted to. And to think l went thru cancer 3 years ago. Looking forward to my card though. Husband nothing

Annavas · 13/05/2018 12:25

Or nothing at all but spend big bucks on your own father

Queenofthestress · 13/05/2018 12:30

My ex-dp got me nothing for mothers day last year from the kids, or Christmas or my birthday, and he didn't this year even though I got him stuff from the kids & will for father's day. Funny enough though, as soon as my dp realised exdp wouldn't he went out with his Best friend and got me something a few days before. That's how I know I'm onto a winner

purpleorchidwhite · 13/05/2018 13:22

My children for some reason got uk Mother's Day mixed up with today, US Mother's day. Resulting in horror that they forgot uk Mother's Day.

We are now celebrating it today.
I quite like this. It's now quiet, less expensive and they remembered.

It might become our thing.

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