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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disappointed I got nothing, Mother's day

150 replies

toomuchconfusion · 11/03/2018 16:20

I have a DH and our kids are 8, 6 and 3. I got nothing today - no cards, no present, no little bunch of flowers, not even a drawing or some hand made lovely from them (they are home educated so no prompting by school to make something). I reminded them it was Mother's day twice this week and sorted out things for my Mum & MIL with DH, so they all knew it was today.
I've felt pretty disappointed all day as husband didn't encourage them to do anything for Mother's day. He got up with them so I could lie in but we are fairly good at taking turns with lie in's on a normal weekend so nothing out of the ordinary. I've done some washing, half way through cooking a roast dinner (only contribution from DH was peeling potatoes), loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. I can believe he didn't even think to give the kitchen a quick clean before I got up this morning. 'We popped out to the park as a family and I made sure I stayed positive, so we had a nice time there.
Now we're home I can't get past feeling disappointed. It just feels like a huge lack of thought. Would have been too much to ask to get the kids to draw a picture or do something simple? This is the first year I got absolutely nothing. I don't want to talk to DH about it because I don't want a pity present and I don't want anyone to feel they have to do things out of duty but because they know I would appreciate something. He's not done it because of any problems with us or anything along those lines, he's just not thought about it or thought it wasn't important. I'm fairly laid back about things like this in the sense that I don't expect some grand gesture, but nothing feels a bit crappy.
So AIBU and entitled?

OP posts:
lolaflores · 11/03/2018 17:07

Let your inside match your outside. If you feel unhappy and disregarded gthen you must voice that.
Right this moment. Sit down. Abandonen the kitchen, the food the lot. SIt down, declare it Mothers day Time Out.
Take it for yourself don't wait for someone to offer it.
Just take control of how you feel and what you want and if they won't wrap up it up in a bow then gift it to yourself.
That might make them sit up and take a bit of notice of Mummy who gently potters around making their lives lovely without taking a moment ofr herself.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 11/03/2018 17:12

YANBU to feel upset about being forgotten about you need to speak to your DH though. This year I have no money to be buying presents but I made sure that my mum and grandma got a card because that's better than nothing and I apologised for the lack of a present.

lilypoppet · 11/03/2018 17:14

You are not being unreasonable, I had a meal cooked for me and some sweet gifts. You have to say something for next year,

YellowPrimula · 11/03/2018 17:15

I feel hurt too , Dh is behaving as if its nothing to do with him , he bought his mother a bouquet but nothing for me .Its true our youngest is 16 but I got nothing for Valentines day either I just feel like a nothing.

Ds1 (24) called this morning but no card and ds2 (20) did get me a lovely card and a DVD so he is exempt from the rant.Nothing from ds3 yet although he did go into town yesterday , I think he just hasn't got around to it.

I just feel hurt and unappreciated , they are typical facilitated men, dh especially.He does do stuff around the house but he is never home from work before 8.30pm, never takes me out or buys me flowers.Did get me some jewellery for Xmas but largely because I had a rant about feeling unappreciated .I know i am not his mother but sometimes I feel like it and also I am the mother of his children who I have brought up pretty much alone so that he can have his glittering career.

This is an opportunity to show he cares and apreciates what I do but he just sees it as a tick box exercise , he reminded the boys and that's the extent of his responsibility as he sees it.

I am so tired and I feel so unloved, no point in saying this though because he will just say i am being melodramatic and a martyr and not to be ridiculous.

MyFavouriteChameleon · 11/03/2018 17:15

I agree with lolflores. Stop doing everything for them, declare it as your day to have a nice time, and ask when tea is, so you know if there's time for a nice bath first Grin.

feska5 · 11/03/2018 17:16

It was really inconsiderate of your DH. He should have helped the children with a little something for you - homemade card or a bunch of flowers doesn’t take a lot of organising I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to say something right now because you don’t want anyone upset. Perhaps next year say something a few days in advance. I’m sorry you’ve had a disappointing day. I hope DH helps with the dinner and washing up and you can relax with a glass of wine. Happy Mother’s Day 💐

claraschu · 11/03/2018 17:18

The point is not necessarily that your husband or kids want something special on their special days and would be disappointed if it didn't happen, so you can make them understand how you feel by forgetting about their birthday. Plenty of people don't care about their birthdays.

My husband wouldn't have a clue when Father's day is, doesn't care about his own birthday, etc. He might be relieved if I didn't get him presents on his birthday...

The point is that people need to consider what OTHER people want, and take the trouble to do that!

Jesus didn't get it exactly right with his: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That is not good enough! Really we all need to do unto others as they would wish to be done unto!

AcrossthePond55 · 11/03/2018 17:18

toomuch Do you get something for your DH for Father's Day, either from the DC and/or yourself? Well, stop if you do.

At your DC's age my DH was still taking them get a card and a gift or to plan a little something. I did the same for Father's Day.

But if my DH hadn't bothered for Mother's Day I certainly wouldn't have for Father's Day.

FallenAngel89 · 11/03/2018 17:18

I find these posts really sad and think all parents deserve a day of appreciation for the work they do all year round, it's not hard! I'm lucky with my DH and DC and I really feel for the ones who miss out, even on homemade things. Big hugs to all you Mums today! FlowersBrew

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 11/03/2018 17:19

Happy mothers to OP and all the other super mums who got forgotten about today put your feet up and have a lovely day. Flowers

feska5 · 11/03/2018 17:20

For you yellow 💐. So sorry you feel hurt and unloved. I’m sure you are much loved really.

Zazzleza · 11/03/2018 17:20

I didn’t get anything either.
DH asked me if I wanted a card yesterday and I said no, thinking he would have already got one and wouldn’t be asking me!
LG is only 16months, so obviously oblivious.
My sensible head says it’s commercialised rubbish but its still a bit hurtful. I didn’t want a massive bunch of flowers or a great expensive present- just a simple card!!
I am annoyed at him and he won’t be getting anything for Fathers Day. He knows my feelings as I threw a childish strop this morning. I think it’s because by him not acknowledging it, it makes me feel he doesn’t appreciate all the things I do... and I know that’s because everywhere you look (fb especially) you are bombarded with “perfect mothers” with their wonderful presents for/from their wonderful children. I feel bitter and embarrassingly a bit jealous.

lolaflores · 11/03/2018 17:22

Yellow Primula...oh my love...I am sending you a hug. It is awful the way you have been neglected by those around you. I think you need to gather yourself some lovely stuff. Take over the bathroom, lash out on the bath oils etc and just retreat from them till you feel less wounded.
It is horrible.
My DH is in Tenerife with his bleedin Dad and brother on a Boys weekend.
I have been texting loads of Duty Free requests as he goes along and he can DD to the docs tomorrow with her ear infection and nurse her for the next 2 days cos I am absolutely fucked if I am.
Think about ways to inconvenience everyone for the days to come. That should balance shit out.

doublebuddy · 11/03/2018 17:26

You know what OP, it's ok to feel disappointed. I had something similar today with my DS (though he's 14 so definitely should know better).

I used it as an opportunity to talk about small gestures that make someone else so happy, small efforts that can make a huge difference in someone else's day. Showing appreciation for everything you do! (Especially as a home educator, I'm sure you're non stop). I let him know I was a bit disappointed- there's nothing wrong with that. I think even at your kids ages you can draw some parallels to special days for them, bdays etc. How would they feel if they didn't have a cake? It's never too young to learn about empathy. They could have, off their own steam, drawn you a lovely picture/homemade card/whatever.

As a result of our chat DS has decided to cook dinner for me tomorrow (this is unheard of, wish me luck) and I hope he paid attention and next year I'll get a card at least.

Happy Mother's Day OP

Rockerfeller · 11/03/2018 17:27

@Dontfuckingsaycheese he kept the money your mum gave him to get you a birthday present Shock that's horrendous

MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 17:28

Are you sure they aren’t going to do a”big reveal” later? Sad

YellowPrimula · 11/03/2018 17:29

Sadly Lola that isn't possible as this week I am moving my mother across the country, I have to be fair and say that dh is helping but only really because I made him as last year I moved his parents (a much bigger undertaking) with no help whatsoever from either him or his brother so I have made it very clear that he owes me .

I am sure they do love me , but they also take me for granted all I needed was to feel valued and wanted but mostly they just want to know when tea is or where the clean socks are

youngestisapsycho · 11/03/2018 17:30

I’d have put my coat on and gone off out for the day on my own...

lolaflores · 11/03/2018 17:31

Yellowprimula I havw come up with the wild plan of inconveniencing everyone int he coming days.
I have had enough.
YOur DH sounds hard going. Time to throw a rock in the road.

mmzz · 11/03/2018 17:31

It happened to me one year. DH got so caught up in making it special for his mother - flowers, card, present and favourite dinner- that he forgot to help our DC who were young at the time and didn't even know that Mother's Day was coming up.
It has not been overlooked since then, and the DC remember how very upset I was even though they were young then. I'd like to say that I'm ok about it now, but I'm not really. Even now it still bothers me when I think about it.

Lashalicious · 11/03/2018 17:32

doublebuddy great post

MysticFlyTrap · 11/03/2018 17:34

Yanbu and i do hope that maybe later it will turn out something has been made, bought or done for you as every mother deserves to be recognised as a good mum on mothers day especially as there is a dh to facilate it

Flupi · 11/03/2018 17:40

I’ve had a disappointing day too. Even though we know it’s commercial hype, it’s still a chance for the children to say, yeah, thanks , we appreciate you being our Mum. And that’s where the husbands come in and where our disappointment really stems from, because they haven’t appreciated us to make sure the children give their little cards, bunch of daffs...
I’ve realised that if I want anything at all whether birthday, Christmas, Mother’s day, I have to organise it myself. Which is what I didn’t do today and am left feeling a bit let down.

snawdays · 11/03/2018 17:41

Well, your 8 and 6 year old are old enough to have made you a nice picture or card today, even if they’d previously forgotten.

I don’t think you have to be a princess to be upset - have a chat with them.

Dh is away working but my 7 yo got up and said happy Mother’s Day without any prompting, painted me a special picture and tidied her bedroom.

Your DH should’ve reminded them, but they all deserve to have their expectations clearly set and to know how you feel.

chocatoo · 11/03/2018 17:41

I would have to say something like: Come on Husband and Girls, you still have x hours of today left to turn this job around: it's time for you all to make this old Mum feel a bit spoiled as it's Mother's Day! - What can you 3 come up with?!
Next occasion clearly state what your expectations are. I would, perhaps, choose Easter: Girls, I am looking forward to the nice Easter cards that you will make for me and Husband, I am looking forward to the chocolate egg that I know you will choose for me.
If you are home educating, it's within your power to rectify another year: block out time for manufacture of Mother's Day cards and gifts!