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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disappointed I got nothing, Mother's day

150 replies

toomuchconfusion · 11/03/2018 16:20

I have a DH and our kids are 8, 6 and 3. I got nothing today - no cards, no present, no little bunch of flowers, not even a drawing or some hand made lovely from them (they are home educated so no prompting by school to make something). I reminded them it was Mother's day twice this week and sorted out things for my Mum & MIL with DH, so they all knew it was today.
I've felt pretty disappointed all day as husband didn't encourage them to do anything for Mother's day. He got up with them so I could lie in but we are fairly good at taking turns with lie in's on a normal weekend so nothing out of the ordinary. I've done some washing, half way through cooking a roast dinner (only contribution from DH was peeling potatoes), loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. I can believe he didn't even think to give the kitchen a quick clean before I got up this morning. 'We popped out to the park as a family and I made sure I stayed positive, so we had a nice time there.
Now we're home I can't get past feeling disappointed. It just feels like a huge lack of thought. Would have been too much to ask to get the kids to draw a picture or do something simple? This is the first year I got absolutely nothing. I don't want to talk to DH about it because I don't want a pity present and I don't want anyone to feel they have to do things out of duty but because they know I would appreciate something. He's not done it because of any problems with us or anything along those lines, he's just not thought about it or thought it wasn't important. I'm fairly laid back about things like this in the sense that I don't expect some grand gesture, but nothing feels a bit crappy.
So AIBU and entitled?

OP posts:

YellowPrimula · 11/03/2018 18:47

He did buy it yesterday and apparently I should have known that!

He's a good boy really but I am so sick of all of them taking me for granted I think that this is the straw that has broken the camels back .

Nikephorus · 11/03/2018 19:13

Also someone mentioned a DH asking her if she wanted a card,FFS..what is it coming to?
Bloody ridiculous given that the PP said that she said no to her DH and was then pissed off at not receiving a card! Seriously, was he supposed to realise that no actually meant yes, but only in the context of cards, presents etc.?! Try a bit of proper open communication folks instead of complaining online.

RaspberryCheese · 11/03/2018 19:19

I hear you Nikephorous but i think the worst bit was that he asked her ! Who doesnt want recognition and appreciation? Its such a small thing ,so easy to do,but means a whole lot more.

Skatingfastonthinice · 11/03/2018 19:30

I agree about using your words before the event, and Mrsbird’s response really marked the point to those who really struggle to empathise or be bothered. I did something along the same lines several times. Usually I have a day out without them. Doesn’t often happen, which makes it more significant when it does. If it matters to you, they should bother, and not rely on schools to do the job.

stevie69 · 11/03/2018 19:33

I got nothing too ....

DayKay · 11/03/2018 19:38

i had to have words with dh a few years ago when the kids were upset that they didn’t have a card for me on mother’s day. I just got some arts stuff out and they made me cards.
They gave them to me and cuddled me.
It meant so much to me and to them that I spoke to dh about it and insisted that from then on, he was to make sure that he helps sort something out.
I still have to keep reminding him but he does get round to it. I think I sent him 4 texts this year.
(He’s generally a kind person but just doesn’t bother with cards and gifts for occasions)

LokiBear · 11/03/2018 19:41

My dh did this two years ago, when dd1 was too young to have done anything for herself. All I wanted was a card and breakfast making or to go put for lunch. However, he just ignored it. Didn't even dig my name on the card he got for mil because 'she's not your mum'. I didn't say anything. I just did exactly the same as he did on fathers day. I completely ignored it. He was really hurt. I saud i addumed he wouldn't be bothered as he didn't so anything for mothers day. He apologised and he hasn't made that mistake again. This year, he typed up a story dd1 had written, made me a cake and bought card which was perfect.

LokiBear · 11/03/2018 19:43

So many typos! Sorry, a combination of being on my phone and rocking dd2 to sleep!

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 11/03/2018 19:45

Oh YellowPrimula, you poor thing. You sound much too good for your family. Maybe consider divorcing the whole lot of them. I definitely would withdraw all labour and ignore Father's day and all their birthdays and Christmases. Fuck them.

MN164 · 11/03/2018 19:52

Loki

Men who expect appreciation on Father's Day but don't give it or facilitate it on Mother's Day should all be taught that lesson. Well done you.

However, not all men want or understand the "day" thing, whether it's Father's Day, a birthday etc. Asking them to give special appreciation will feel alien and unnecessary to them. So long as they contribute to family life fairly the rest of the year, it is a bit needy, to them.

123fushia · 11/03/2018 20:15

I am going to book myself a cottage or hotel for two nights next weekend. Things will have blown over by then but I'm giving myself a time off treat to make up for the upset today. Will take the dog, rest, walk, eat what I like and have a drink. How does that sound?!

Pinkvoid · 11/03/2018 20:18

I wouldn’t get anything if it weren’t for school. Their school do a Mother’s Day room where I send them in with cash and they choose a present for me. They also make cards at school. I bought myself flowers .

YellowPrimula · 11/03/2018 20:33

So what if its 'needy ' to them.Its not about them ,just for once its about me .as someone up thread said its not about doing what they would like , its about thinking about what the recipient would like.My MIL is like this she spends a inordinate amount of time and money buying something she would like for someone else for birthday or Christmas instead of just thinking 'what would they like' she thinks 'what would I like'.

You are right my dh isn't bothered about Fathers Day and so he thinks I shouldn't be bothered about Mothers Day.But I am not him, I am me, and I am bothered , however shallow that may seem. I spend a lot of time making all of their lives better and happy and thinking of things they would like surely its not too much to ask that just for one day they could think about what I would like, without judging me I would add.

sevenstars · 11/03/2018 20:35

I'm sorry but there have been several of these threads today and I find it staggering.

Why don't you tell your husband exactly what you expect, if he is not naturally inclined to make a fuss?

How and why do you let them get away with this?

Today, DD (12) brought me pancakes in bed. DH wrote me a beautiful card thanking me for the DC. The kids made me cards and cookies. DS bought me a face cream and DH brought me flowers in bed. He'd also booked afternoon tea because he knows I love that.

I do similar for him and I think there is no excuse for no effort. If you can't even appreciate tour own mother or the mother of your children on a given day, then you are a shambles, quite frankly.

Just do not put up with this - show your DH how upset you are and stop allowing him to make you feel this way. No ifs or buts about it.

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 11/03/2018 20:36

I used to believe it was all a ploy to get people to spend money until.i learned the history behind it from ds school last year. Mothering Sunday (as it was previously) came about from the church as all children hundreds of years ago left home to go out and work, sometimes for months on end without coming home. The church brought mothering Sunday as the one day of the year that all families came to church, as a whole, to celebrate mother's dedication to their families. I love the sentiment behind it.

This year I got a bunch of daffs picked from the cemetery attached to the school and a card handmade by ds. It was lovely but very much directed by the school. Dp thought this would suffice and that nothing else was needed. This is despite me insisting we take dsd to buy a card, chocolates and flowers for his exw (her mum), sorting the card and flowers for his mum and taking mine out to dinner. All mum's in our lives had so much thought put into it, I went without. He asked if I was upset and I lied, wish I'd been honest

startingagain17 · 11/03/2018 20:41

for all you single mothers who get diddly squat for mothers day

insideoutsider · 11/03/2018 21:07

I wrote a thread earlier this morning saying Happy Mothers' Day to people who wouldn't normally have anyone to say it to them.

It came from feeling so loved today as a single mom (no partner) when my young kids burst into my room to wish me Happy Mothers day, gave me their handmade cards and a little present they had bought from the little shop near us with their pocket money. I remembered when they were too young to have thought about mothers day or too young to buy anything at any shop without help. Many mothers are probably feeling that way today.

But I don't know which is worse, having no one to celebrate you or having people who should but just choose not to. It's sad that moms are overlooked after all they do every day.

To OP and other moms who haven't been celebrated, I would definitely say something this evening or tomorrow so that your family know that you are hurt.

In the meantime, happy Mother's Day x

Hobnobsarenotfordunking · 11/03/2018 21:18

My DS is only 16 Months so can’t sort himself out. DH organised a card but no present because I didn’t tell him what I wanted. I’ve explained numerous times that I don’t like choosing my own presents, I would rather have something small but hand chosen. I organised cards and a present for his mum, all he had to do was write it!

FluffyWuffy100 · 11/03/2018 21:18

This year I got a bunch of daffs picked from the cemetery

Enjoy your stolen flowers FFs

FranticallyPeaceful · 11/03/2018 21:23

I think some Mother’s Day history may have helped (I have no idea what the history is?! Is there even history?), or maybe just a lesson/conversation in why it’s sometimes important to take extra appreciation in those who care for us. Perhaps say it isn’t about gifts but a lovely home made card/note would be better than any gift anybody could ask for, perhaps help with dinner or for them to make you a lovely breakfast.

I’m sorry your husband didn’t help. You home educate them so you’re putting a lot of extra effort in so I can completely understand why you would be disappointed. But when they’re slightly older they will do it their selves

ferntwist · 11/03/2018 21:28

YANBU. You should tell DH how you feel. Not entitled at all.

Zazzleza · 11/03/2018 21:30

Sevenstars thank you for posting that. You’ve made me grateful for my lack of card/flowers. If DH wrote me a ‘beautiful card thanking me for DC’ I would vomit up my pancakes all over the bed.

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 11/03/2018 21:31

fluffywuffy seriously? Ds goes to a faith school, the vicar helped the children pick the flowers. Hardly stolen

user1483644229 · 11/03/2018 21:31

I understand how you must feel...I received a handmade gift that was prompted by school and nothing else (zero effort from husband), but the one thing that put it all in perspective for me today was a short message from another mum wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. She lost her adult son - her only child - 6 years ago in an accident.

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 11/03/2018 21:32

Posted too soon....

frantically I've explained the history up post, it's pretty sweet.

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