To think my BIL is the most selfish man ever?

[QuestionableMouse]

Sis has a toddler and is pregnant with twins. She's had a bit of a rough pregnancy with her back and hips. I've just had her on the phone in tears because BIL hasn't even bothered to get a card from their little boy for her for Mothers day. He didn't even bother to make her a cuppa this morning before she went to work. (for context, he does three shifts a week while she does five of six).

I know he has form for this so text him on Thursday reminding him Mothers day was coming. He's now gone out with his mates and won't be back until after tea time...

I feel so bad for her that I'm considering buying a card and some flowers myself for her.

Perhaps he's planning something for after she gets home from work?

The best thing you can do is convince her to kick the cocklodger out!

What a selfish twat.

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

What a crap DP.

I would send her something nice, it will brighten her day and highlight what a thoughtless dick he has been.

Hopefully he will learn from it.

He's a dick.

Yes, get her some flowers. Show her that someone appreciates her.

She is enabling him if she doesn’t do something. Is she happy? He sounds like a child.

Perhaps he's planning something for after she gets home from work?

Do you REALLY think so?

I really doubt he has anything planned. He did exactly the same last year which is why I reminded him. They live next door to a supermarket.

Imo he's a lazy thoughtless twat but I'm not married to him.

Text him now and say the mother of his DC is very upset that Mother's day seems to have been forgotten but you're sure he's got something special lined up for later.

If I was your ds I'd stop having babies with him.

If he's always been the same

What was she expecting?

Awful

I'm sitting on my hands so I don't text him and go bloody mad. He could have nipped into the supermarket and got a cars and some chocolates in ten minutes.

I would tell him what I think of him.

Text and tell him he’s a twat unless it’ll cause problems for your sister.

Don’t sit on your hands otherwise.

I'm afraid she picked him. And she's having more children with him knowing what he's been like since the first one. There's really not much you can do. Everything that needs to be done she has to do herself.

Namely tell him he needs to throw in or ship out. He sounds incredibly thoughtless and selfish.

I've just text him... Hopefully he just forgot and will get to the shops for something!

I don't think you'd necessarily helped by texting him on Thursday. I think a lot of people would feel irritated if their SIL told them to do things like that. If he's not changed by her being upset he's less likely to change because he gets a stroppy message from you.

It would have been much better to take your toddler dn for a couple of hours last week and make a card together and let him seem the pleasure it brought your dsis.

Would he think your text about Mother's Day was for him to buy for his own mother? Did he buy his mother a card?

More important than the card is how he behaves the rest of the time. It would be dickish for him to leave a woman who has SPD and is pregnant with twins to be in sole charge of their toddler all day while he went out with his mates even if he had brought a card. He should obviously have arranged something anyway, as their child is too young to do it unaided, but I think this is one of those where the card is symptomatic of wider and much more important problems.

Has he taken their toddler with him or dropped him off with someone else?

Why did she get pregnant again when he was clearly a selfish twat? I bet she’s crapping herself about having twins with this git.

The best thing you can do is convince her to kick the cocklodger out!

Yeah coz kicking him out and being a single mom of 2 - because he forgot to get her a card off baby for mothers day - is going to help her isn't it?!

Jesus wept!

The OP needs to TALK to her husband and tell him how she feels. And if all else fails, make sure she gets him fuckall for father's day. See how he likes it!

OP, is he otherwise helpful and supportive with the family? Or is this characteristic of his attitude to your sister in general?

I personally feel Mother's Day (like Father's Day, Valentine's Day and any other commercially-invented 'Day') is cringeworthy and it would bother me if my DH DID do something 'out of the ordinary' (but that's because I expect him to appreciate me EVERY day ).

However, it's clearly important to you DSis, so the issue seems to be his complete disregard for her feelings (or care for her difficult pregnancy). That's a discussion she needs to have with her DP.

It's horrible to see the people you love feeling neglected and overlooked - I hope you're able to support her. She's lucky to have such a caring sister.

Glad you texted him. He sounds awful.

He's a dick but well, she chose to marry him, have a child with him and then have two more. There's not a lot you can do regarding him as he'll never change.

I sent him a neutral message saying sis was upset and had be forgotten and got a three stroppy texts back about how tired he was and warning me not to start with him. Ugh git.

Luckily toddler is with his granny this morning so not caught up in it. I couldn't make a card with him last week because I was at uni. Heading to the supermarket now and I'll pick up some nice bits for her.

Phone him and ask him if he has anything planned. If he hasn’t I’d do the flowers and take her out myself.