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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell off twats on the tube with red beret

47 replies

AmiU · 10/03/2018 23:03

I was on the jubilee line with DH, DD5 and DS2. A group of men (around middle aged) quite drunk, were playing a 'game' where one would place a dirty looking red beret on a passengers head, then all the others would jump/ dance around chanting 'red bereeeeet, the red bereeeeet'.

It was a bit annoying but I don't have anything against people just having fun. This is where it crossed the line for me: a woman was sitting alone. Sge asked them, politely, to be quieter. The leader twat tried to put the red beret on her, and she handed it back and said 'no'. After this, in my opinion their turned nasty, DH thinks I'm overthinking. The leader twat kept trying to force the beret back on the woman, saying really rude things (imo) like 'look at her, you know she wants it', 'she loves it really' or ' go on love, don't fight it just take it'. She was red with anger/embarrassment.

So when they danced over to put the red beret on DS2's head, I snapped and handed it straight back, saying loudly 'take your filthy hat and stop embarassing yourselves'. I'm normally non-confrontational to a fault but I was livid! DH thinks IABU.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 10/03/2018 23:05

Hell no.

IKillGiants · 10/03/2018 23:06

Ywnbu. I would have confiscated it!

BeastInView · 10/03/2018 23:06

YWNBU

Groups of drunk men are fine if they're in good spirits and keeping to themselves but this is just pure arseholery. Intimidation tactics (dressed up as BANTS no doubt) to make their gang think they're oh so fucking hilarious.

FrabjousDay · 10/03/2018 23:07

Shame you didn't say anything when they were harassing the woman. Sounds like she needed a little help from the sisterhood.

BeastInView · 10/03/2018 23:07

And I bet not one of these blokes would say so much as boo to a goose if they were travelling solo.

liz70 · 10/03/2018 23:08

So was it a raspberry beret, the kind you find in a second hand store?

Callamia · 10/03/2018 23:09

I would have chucked the bloody thing out of the window. And told them all to fuck right off. Pigs.

BastardGoDarkly · 10/03/2018 23:09

I think ywbu to not help out the woman also.

spicerack · 10/03/2018 23:10

liz70 if it was warm she wouldn't wear much more

bettinasofine · 10/03/2018 23:10

liz 😂😂😂😂😂

YANBU OP

Original poster
AmiU · 10/03/2018 23:11

Right??????

My DH is obtuse my pretending that their remarks were just 'fun' and weren't meant to intimidate the woman, but I think a group of men ganging up and speaking to a lone woman like that is disgusting, there's a clear double meaning which makes it really intimidating

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Original poster
AmiU · 10/03/2018 23:12

Sorry, obtusely pretending

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BlessYourCottonSocks · 10/03/2018 23:12

Did your DH really just sit there whilst a group of drunk men intimidated a single woman - and then his wife and toddler?

And then thinks you were over-reacting to object?

Fucking hell....my DH would have intervened the minute they started towards the woman on her own. Thank God.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/03/2018 23:26

God what a load of twats. Acting like silly schoolboys. I think you should have said something more to them, especially as the woman was having some difficulty.

UpstartCrow · 10/03/2018 23:34

Your DH isnt a nice guy.

GnotherGnu · 10/03/2018 23:37

You're absolutely right, the way they treated that woman was not fun; it was assault, and they clearly intended to cause her distress and fear. If your DH thinks what they did was "fun" you really need to question his morals.

StaplesCorner · 10/03/2018 23:39

My DH would have been worried about it escalating but nonetheless he would have said something, and he's a right dick most of the time. Sometimes in those situations a couple of women telling them to grow up is more effective than a man intervening but where do you draw the line?

OutyMcOutface · 10/03/2018 23:42

I would have pulled out the ‘this constitutes batfery’ Speech if someone tried to do that to my child. Poor thing would have been terrified at that age.

Octave777 · 10/03/2018 23:42

Glad you said something.

This is the kind of behaviour which is intimidating and meant to embarrass. Nothing more. If they did it to me I'd go bright red and want the floor to swallow me up so you were kind in helping the women.

flumpybear · 10/03/2018 23:44

You did the right thing - what a prick!

alligatortoss · 10/03/2018 23:46

What happened next?

TroubledLichen · 10/03/2018 23:46

The men sound like a bunch of twats and that includes your DH. It’s a shame that no one spoke out when they were harassing that poor, poor woman but good on you for finally putting them in their place.

Willow2017 · 10/03/2018 23:48

A single woman was intimidated by a bunch of drunk pratts had patently sexual remarks made towards her and your dh thinks it was a bit of fun?

Would he have thought it fun if it was you on your own? Would he have let them do it to your child if you hadnt stepped up?
I would be ashamed of him. He needs a lesson in harassment and intimidation from a womans perspective

Original poster
AmiU · 10/03/2018 23:48

I'm not making excuses for him at all, I definitely agree he should have said something as well, but DH and I are both an ethnicity which tends to illicit a lot of aggro from drunk belligerent groups of men, and we've both been on the receiving end of racist abuse before from a group like this. I don't get it that much, never when I'm alone, but DH looks like a cartoon stereotype of our ethnicity so he's had worse and tries to 'keep to himself' in these situations.

I hope that's not a drip feed, and I'm still a bit shocked how he reacted, but I think that is a part of his reaction.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiU · 10/03/2018 23:49

But I just couldn't believe how those men felt entitled to behave in a train full of people

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