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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day heartbreak

77 replies

busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 22:45

Aibu to want 02 to hang their heads in shame? My young neighbour , who has coped amazingly with the death of her mother a few months ago, received a generic advertising text from O2 tonight saying “ it’s not too late” to buy mother’s day flowers ( an advert for where to buy them). I feel so sad/ angry on her behalf that this came through on her phone. She can avoid the card shops etc at this painful time ( she only buried her mum a little before Christmas) but to get a text seems so invasive and insensitive. Makes me wonder if any human beings working in advertising/ marketing at O2 have a heart ( or have/ had a mother!)

OP posts:
witchofzog · 10/03/2018 22:50

It's shit but there will be lots of reminders at this time of year. I don't have a mum either and do find mother's day hard myself so I do have a semblence of understanding. Is there anyway your friend could opt out of marketing to avoid this happening again?

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 22:51

They couldn't have known. There are plenty of companies sending out emails and texts with marketing aimed towards Mother's Day. Sure it is incredibly heartbreaking for your friend but you can't expect companies to never mention Mother's day for fear of offending someone.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 22:52

Sorry but YABU. It's just advertising. Yes it's upsetting but they're only sending out adverts to people signed up for them. It happens and it's nothing personal.

A few months after my mum died (I was young too and mine died at xmas) I got an email saying 'Limon, a message from your Mum' which made me feel like I'd had a heart attack! It was just a shitty advert along the lines of 'mums have whispered to us they want you to buy them this present' bullshit something or other.

Not worth getting upset over and to be frank you can't expect the world to stop turning and nobody to mention mothers ever again in advertising just because yours has gone.

Never mind you, how is the bereaved daughter actually feeling about it?

BellyBean · 10/03/2018 22:54

Yes, it's shit. Sadly companies are capitalists and will have made a calculated decision that they'd rather risk upsetting someone than miss a sale.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 22:54

It helped to remind myself you win some you lose some. I still had my father so I remembered on Father's Day all the ads I got which washed over me were also causing sadness for some people whose dads had already passed. Just like in years gone by when my mum was still alive I didn't give them a second thought while others whose mums had already gone had a moment of sadness at it being mentioned.

GinUser · 10/03/2018 22:54

Get a grip.
Most people do not know what Mothering Sunday actually means.
Of course companies are going to canvas for business.
Mothering Sunday is actually NOTHING to do with mothers! Google it.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 22:55

*Today 22:54 BellyBean

Yes, it's shit. Sadly companies are capitalists and will have made a calculated decision that they'd rather risk upsetting someone than miss a sale.*

Genuine question: do you think it'd be better/appropriate for companies to never mention mums, dads, children, grandparents, pets, aunts, uncles etc in marketing because most people have dealt with the loss of at least one of those?

entropynow · 10/03/2018 22:56

YABU. My mother died three weeks ago and I wouldn't take it personally if I got one. How the hell is 02 supposed to know?

rinabean · 10/03/2018 22:58

This isn't either neutral or inevitable, it's a conscious choice by O2 to put a bit of profit ahead of hurting people (lots of people will be hurt by a text like that, someone's mother having recently died is not a bizarre chain of circumstances that rarely occurs). They can and should be punished for it. We don't have to accept this kind of behaviour as normal. YANBU as long as you do something with it (like not giving O2 your business).

ThisLittleKitty · 10/03/2018 22:58

YABU

blastomama · 10/03/2018 22:58

yabu. You've only just noticed this because someone you know just lost their mother? Where have you been?

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 23:01

They can and should be punished for it.

What? Are we also going to punish every supermarket, shop, card company and restaurant that has ever mentioned the work "mother"? Not to mention Mumsnet? What rubbish!

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 23:02

rinabean Please tell me your post was a joke.

And I'd love to know your thoughts on my post just before yours.

Original poster
busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 23:05

Thanks rinabean , I am planning to cancel my contract with them. The girl affected is just out of her teens, and it was the nature of the direct text that was so cynical/ awful - of course we all know companies make money from advertising and that they make money from occasions such as this , but avoiding shops/ tv ads etc is easier than not opening a message on a phone. I’m quite genuinely surprised by people complacently saying that because the company “ didn’t know” that somehow makes it ok.

OP posts:
Tiredemma · 10/03/2018 23:10

I got the same from Interflora this morning. Offering me a discount on Mother's Day flowers. Yes it winded me as my Mum died last year very suddenly and unexpectedly.
Very little I can do about it.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 23:10

So what do you think should have happened OP? How could they have known her mum just died? Or should they not send out anything mothers or Father's Day related (or valentines in case you lost a partner) to anybody at all, ever? When the majority of those people probably shrug it off and know it's not personal?

If they specifically sent it only to her knowing her mum had just died then yes of course Yanbu. But that's not what happened is it?

blastomama · 10/03/2018 23:11

If she's out of her teens she is not a girl, and anyone who has lost their mother knows you don't really give a shiny shit about texts from a sodding phone company.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 23:12

I’m quite genuinely surprised by people complacently saying that because the company “ didn’t know” that somehow makes it oK

But given that they actually didn't know, how is it not okay for them to advertise in whatever way they see fit, relating to a well known well celebrated national holiday, to people who've signed up to be advertised to?

QualityDogWrangler2 · 10/03/2018 23:12

Complete over reaction... another crazy thread.
Someone is sent an advertising text, assuming this is true, and it’s hurtful to the receiver, and you are cancelling your contract as a result because of their insensitivity ?
You are strangely over reacting.
They do not personally target customers to this extent, so if she writes to them and complains, they will apologise. I can barely believe this thread is real to be homest

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 23:13

If she's out of her teens she is not a girl, preach.

I was just out of mine when my mother died and I can assure you it turned me pretty much overnight into a grown adult woman even more so than I already was.

LovingLola · 10/03/2018 23:13

Is this the first time she has ever had a marketing message from 02??

My mother is dead for almost 25 years and the Mother's Day after she died I got a letter (remember those!!!) from our local florist advertising their Mother's Day bouquets. They were not to know that she was dead and that I was grieving. I still buy flowers from them.
Life goes on. Even if your mother dies.

FlashTheSloth · 10/03/2018 23:14

OFGS, talk about dramatic much! I've had loads of emails from Moonpig reminding me about Mother's Day. My 'mother' abandoned me when I was a toddler. Should I boycot them because they are insensitive. Of course not!

gillybeanz · 10/03/2018 23:15

Can she not turn ads off, I never get any apart from asking if I want to buy more of their services.
I delete without reading tbh.
That's what happens if you buy into using lots of tech, keep it simple and they don't bother you.

I'm so sorry for your friend, I too avoid the card shops, and most advertising at this time. Thanks

expatinscotland · 10/03/2018 23:15

Punished?! C'mon. I lost my child to cancer nearly 6 years ago. Sometimes I still get post addressed to her. You can't expect a huge corporation not to engage in a marketing campaign for a recognised holiday because someone might get upset.

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 23:17

I'm sure they won't miss your contract OP.

Can you provide a list of words that companies are never allowed to mention in their marketing?

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