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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day heartbreak

77 replies

busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 22:45

Aibu to want 02 to hang their heads in shame? My young neighbour , who has coped amazingly with the death of her mother a few months ago, received a generic advertising text from O2 tonight saying “ it’s not too late” to buy mother’s day flowers ( an advert for where to buy them). I feel so sad/ angry on her behalf that this came through on her phone. She can avoid the card shops etc at this painful time ( she only buried her mum a little before Christmas) but to get a text seems so invasive and insensitive. Makes me wonder if any human beings working in advertising/ marketing at O2 have a heart ( or have/ had a mother!)

OP posts:
blastomama · 10/03/2018 23:50

And how does she feel herself, OP? All you seem to be concerned about is how angry this has made you

I don't think OP actually gives a shit about anyone else.

Original poster
busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 23:52

Demonchild thank you for the wise words - I am going to show your text to my friend as I think you are right re ironies and sometimes having to roll with the punches. As to whoever it was who put did I just offer sympathy to someone , it was because I was responding specifically to her text. Of course it’s horrible for anyone to suffer a loss, and on mother’s day particularly raw for those without Mum’s , and I admire the various ways people are dealing with that- but not sure where or how I could have reposted that and/ or general sympathies without sounding trite. If it came across as NOT having sympathy for anyone bereaved just because they deal with it differently or didn’t agree with what I posted/ my neighbour’s response then that obviously wasn’t my intention!!

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 10/03/2018 23:56

As some who lost her mother shortly before Mother’s Day you really need to chill out. You are being ridiculously over sensitive.

ArnoldBee · 10/03/2018 23:57

You can also unsubscribe from receiving o2 marketing text messages.

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/03/2018 23:58

OP, I’m with O2 and I didn’t get a text. You know why? I unclicked a little tick mark and opted out of their advertising notifications.

It is literally that simple.

OutyMcOutface · 10/03/2018 23:58

Oh, and ignore texts from my provider literally always. Much easier than avoiding shops.

Duck90 · 11/03/2018 00:07

Your title to this thread, IMO, is unsettling to see pop up on “active threads”. Ironic when you are proposing to be oh so sympathetic to bereavement.

IntoTheFloodAgain · 11/03/2018 00:07

she only buried her mum a little before Christmas)

I’m sorry for your neighbour, and all others who have lost someone but surely OP, by your logic you will cut all business with anyone who advertises Christmas too?

It is sad to lose someone, but unfortunately the rest of the world doesn’t know you have.

DalekDalekDalek · 11/03/2018 00:09

This is like the parishioner and the hat thread. Someone getting offended on another person's behalf ... and ending up more offended than people who are actually affected.

Topseyt · 11/03/2018 00:20

That is a big overreaction from you.

It is usually possible to opt out of these advertising notifications.

You'll be hard pushed to find a provider that never engages in the type of generic advertising. O2 are not alone. You usually have to opt out of it.

demonchilde · 11/03/2018 00:20

Demonchild thank you for the wise words - I am going to show your text to my friend as I think you are right re ironies and sometimes having to roll with the punches.

Well, that's just my way, you know? I laugh so I don't cry. Black humour has got me through a lot in my life, and is also needed for the type of work I do (nursing).

But everyone finds their own way of coping, it's a case of having to, and your friend will find her own way through too. Just be there for her, being outraged on her behalf is a waste of energy really.

And yes, fair point you have made in the second part of your post. I do think maybe you are being a bit pounced on here. You mean well at least and you care. Just be there when she needs you, she has to fight the battles for herself unfortunately.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 11/03/2018 00:25

I turned off email notifications after receiving 27 Mother's Day related emails in two days.

NSEA · 11/03/2018 00:29

Did she let O2 know her mother had died and not to contact her. Because this is a really ridiculous thing to complain about. I lost my dad and didn’t get angry at any advertisers about it.

LimonViola · 11/03/2018 08:49

It's kinda astonishing how you've managed to make your neighbour's loss all about you OP.

I'm so sorry to everyone missing their mum today Flowers

I'm seven years on and it got easier for me with them but those early years were hell. A text or email would have been small fry compared to the actual daily overwhelming grief that makes you feel like you're body has turned inside out.

I swear some people think when you lose someone you just bumble along fine until a reminder comes up of them then you fall to pieces. When actually for many many months it's all you're aware of all day every day with only brief moments of respite. I can assure you she'll have her mum in her heart and mind today OP with or without a silly text.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 11/03/2018 08:58

I lost both my parents 18 years ago...my whole world collapsed around me but life does go on and i think you op are being a bit of a drama queen.

LoveEricLove · 11/03/2018 09:08

She better not watch TV or go on any social media then.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 11/03/2018 09:14

I think you are being a bit OTT here. It must be horrible to have these reminders but sadly at the same time when something happens, the world doesn't stop, it carries on around us.

You can't be ashamed of a company for being totally unaware of an individual's situation when they would've sent a mass text out to their customers. It's hard, but your neighbour will also get reminders over Christmas, and next Mother's Day, and so on, because the day exists regardless, even if it brings a lot of pain and reminders for others.

I'm curious, you say you'll cancel your contract, but will she because of this scenario?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2018 09:21

I think you're overreaction is quite strange OP. Of course it's awful for your neighbour but cancelling your contract with them is ridiculous imho. I got an email yesterday " it's not too late to treat your mum to afternoon tea" from a hotel that I've previously been to. My mum isn't alive and I did think the email could be upsetting to someone whose mum wasn't with them but I understand that it's just advertising.

AlmostDoneWithThis · 11/03/2018 09:23

This is my first Mother's Day since mine died last year. There are all sorts of reminders everywhere around us in the world that could trigger reminders (as if we need them). You just have to ignore and remember that no one is deliberately trying to upset you.

ALemonyPea · 11/03/2018 09:29

You seem a little overinvested in this Op. is something else going on?

Unless your neighbour had told O2 her mum had died, then they’ve done nothing wrong. Most companies advertise via text or email these days. They send them to everyone, they don’t have a magic button to delete those who’ve suffered a loss. Get a grip.

💐for those who have lost their mums.

chipsandpeas · 11/03/2018 09:37

are you also getting upset on her behalf when you see adverts on the tv, internet, in supermarkets
your overreacting
my dad died 2 weeks before fathers day (infact we used fathers day to scatter his ashes) and yes i was upset but not becasue of the mass marketing

willdoitinaminute · 11/03/2018 09:43

I think it’s very difficult to understand how you will feel when you loose your Mum until it happens. To be offended by proxy is a little ott. Having lost my mum over 20yrs ago and lived nearly half my life without her it would not be my first response to a generic text message, which makes me think that the ops Mum is still with her.
Being upset on your neighbours behalf isn’t really helping her, I would have been mortified and it still upsets me when people make a big deal about how Mother’s Day “must be hard”. It’s no harder than any other day without your mum!

SuperDandy · 11/03/2018 09:47

I think the specific use of the phrase "a message from your mum" is the key point here. There are plenty of other ways they could express their marketing message without using that phrase.

I had similar shortly after my dad died, with an email subject of "Important message about your Dad". I contacted the company, they listened, and have adjusted the way they approach Father's Day marketing to avoid being so flatteringly insensitive in future, and for that reason, I am still a customer.

cucaracha · 11/03/2018 10:27

YABU

It's a horrible thing that happened of course. Do you really expect business, big or small, to stop advertising birthdays, mothers day, fathers day, valentine, Christmas?

Businesses who don't update their mailing lists when people ask them to, and keep sending baby catalogue to someone who lost a child for example, should see some consequences.
A generic marketing campaign? no sorry, YABU

LostInShoebiz · 11/03/2018 10:44

Totally over the top to be so outraged on someone else's behalf.

We've virtually all had something happen to us that we hate being reminded of but the world can't stop turning. Or do you want us all to fill out a questionnaire for the whole world to access so that we can have our marketing preferences micromanaged? I'd love to never see or hear about a Christmas work night out again for personal reasons but I'm not up in arms about annual marketing emails urging me to buy a sparkly top for my emplouer's annual piss up.