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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother’s Day heartbreak

77 replies

busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 22:45

Aibu to want 02 to hang their heads in shame? My young neighbour , who has coped amazingly with the death of her mother a few months ago, received a generic advertising text from O2 tonight saying “ it’s not too late” to buy mother’s day flowers ( an advert for where to buy them). I feel so sad/ angry on her behalf that this came through on her phone. She can avoid the card shops etc at this painful time ( she only buried her mum a little before Christmas) but to get a text seems so invasive and insensitive. Makes me wonder if any human beings working in advertising/ marketing at O2 have a heart ( or have/ had a mother!)

OP posts:
Wanderlusting99 · 10/03/2018 23:19

YABU. Most companies advertise coming up to major commercial holidays. Next sent me an email letting me know I could still order flowers for mothers day delivery. I was grateful, I ordered some, thought I'd missed the boat.

I have friends who don't celebrate Christmas for various reasons (one lost a baby on Christmas day), they still get months of emails about present buying. Marketing is generally targetted very broadly they have no way of knowing who does and doesn't participate in mother's day on any given year.

Intheblackhole · 10/03/2018 23:21

Sadly we seem to have got used to this intrusive advertising. When my landline phone goes and it's a company , I pick up but don't speak, just wait for them to speak. When they eventually say' good morning madam are you having a good day or some such nonsense I ask who they are. When they say oh I am calling from X double glazing or solar panel company I say why are you calling , this is a private number goodbye don't call again. I would hate to receive a text about Father's Day and would be pretty fed up about it. I'm an adult, if I want to get a card or gift I know how to do that. Exasperating .

Floralnomad · 10/03/2018 23:24

YABU and a bit ridiculous , cancel your contract , it will make not one jot of difference to them .

Original poster
busymomtoone · 10/03/2018 23:25

Tiredemma, sorry for your loss also. The weird thing is I can see how letters etc can slip through the net and whilst upsetting, somehow it seems less personal. I suppose direct texts/ messaging can feel far more invasive- but acknowledge the point people have made that you can opt out ( which is why I never receive crap like this from them!!)

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 10/03/2018 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gluteustothemaximus · 10/03/2018 23:30

I am NC with my abusive mother.

There is a big difference in this email title...

‘Get ready for mother’s day with an extra 10% off’

And this one...

‘Gluteus’s Mum has a message for you’

Be generic, fine. Trying all that personal ‘clever’ shit with a day that isn’t great for everyone, not so fine.

Very did this to me last year, and I was quite pissed off and told them so.

demonchilde · 10/03/2018 23:30

I lost my Mum suddenly a few months ago. There are painful reminders everywhere I look at the moment- the flowers and cards in the shops I will never be able to send, the pictures of my friends Mum's who are still alive and their plans.

Yes, it's insensitive, but you just get used to dealing with crap like that unfortunately. People unintentionally saying the wrong thing. In my case, still having copies of 'psychic monthly' sent to her house! The bank she was with for over 40 years sending aggressive final demands for less than £10.

So yes, it's hard and I sympathise with your friend. But the truth is, people go through worse. You have to learn to laugh at things sometimes, otherwise you'd just cry forever I think.

FrancisCrawford · 10/03/2018 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrooovyLass · 10/03/2018 23:31

You think a personally addressed letter is less personal than an advert?

You can't move atm without seeing mothers day cards/presents/adverts. I've had emails from companies about it and I've had mail through my door. I've deleted/thrown them out. Not given it a second thought. Occasionally getting post addressed to my mum hurts an awful lot more but I don't skrike at that either because nobody has set out to hurt me.

NotACleverName · 10/03/2018 23:32

Jesus Christ, it was a generic marketing text that was probably sent en masse to O2 customers. It wasn't done deliberately to upset this woman. It wasn't malicious, it's certainly not something O2 need "punishing" for (Hmm swear to god people get weirder here every day) and it's not bad that you need to cancel your contract with them over. That's dramatic and a total overreaction.

blastomama · 10/03/2018 23:34

Tiredemma, sorry for your loss also

Did you seriously just offer sympathy to the one poster who somewhat agreed with you and ignore the losses of all the people who disagreed?
It's not O2 that needs to hang their heads in shame. you've some nerve to call anyone else insensitive.

HeddaGarbled · 10/03/2018 23:36

I'm with O2 and I didn't get this text. The only advertising I get from them is for their own services. I didn't opt in or out of anything. Are you sure this has come from O2 and not some other advertiser?

Guavaf1sh · 10/03/2018 23:36

YABU - there are signs everywhere. It was part of a generic campaign. It was not personal and should not be taken as such

demonchilde · 10/03/2018 23:37

Just looked at my phone - I have one too :D. I'm now laughing, not crying, just as my Mum would have done at the irony.

Your friend will find her way through, her own coping mechanisms for dealing with this sort of crap, it just happens, you deal with it. No biggie in the grand scheme of things.

You are actually a very sweet friend though, to be this concerned for her and she is lucky to have you.

Moonandstars84 · 10/03/2018 23:37

Sorry yabu. I lost my mum a week about two weeks before Mother's day. I received stacks of emails. It was upsetting as it was so are but not a reason to boycott a company. Although the worst one was a big banner at a garden centre cafe.

Moonandstars84 · 10/03/2018 23:38

Two weeks
It was still raw

demonchilde · 10/03/2018 23:40

Did you seriously just offer sympathy to the one poster who somewhat agreed with you and ignore the losses of all the people who disagreed?

Actually, good point.

More irony. Just another reason you learn to develop a thick skin at times like this.

BackforGood · 10/03/2018 23:41

YABU
Of course when you have recently lost your Mother (and for a long time afterwards) it does cut through you, but it is a Nationally Recognised day (International, on other days during the year) that companies take a lot of their income from. You genuinely can't expect them to not advertise it because there are some people for whom it is painful. They would have no way of knowing who that would apply to anyway, as per ExPat's post on the bottom of page1, or for example to those who had emotionally abusive mothers, or those who are desperate to become mothers and have not been able to, and those who have the heartbreak of having lost a child.
Flowers to you all.
YA still BU though, OP.

demonchilde · 10/03/2018 23:41

Sending love and flowers to all those in the same boat. It's not often I wish for Monday morning, but I am.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2018 23:42

Having lost my father whilst I was an actual girl and therefore a few years from being out of my teens, I could also get offended for you saying her experience, being already a young adult, is the same thing as mine. It isn’t. No ones experiences are the same. I know saying that will have no affect on you. Same as cancelling the contract will have no affect on o2. Hs death happened at a time before email and mobile phones. But I do strongly remember seeing the cards full in the shops and feeling devastated about it for years.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 10/03/2018 23:43

YABU, OP. If you don't want marketing texts, you can opt out of them. I've had three miscarriages over the last two years. I regularly got adverts on websites I visited saying 'track your baby's development', presumably from my search history. It hurt but I none of it was deliberate or malicious - how on earth could anyone know?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/03/2018 23:43

I do think an advert that says ‘Annie, a message from your Mum’ is a bit of a shock when your Mum has died, whereas ‘Don’t forget to order your Mum flowers’ isn’t.

I feel very sorry her, it’s crap losing your Mum so young - well, at all, but especially so young. The amount of advertising around Mothers Day really doesn’t help any.

BumDisease · 10/03/2018 23:46

And how does she feel herself, OP? All you seem to be concerned about is how angry this has made you.

sweetkitty · 10/03/2018 23:47

Yes it's horrible Flowers

There will be so many reminders every single day though.

Off topic sorry, I just thought about the time I was sobbing in a card shop, trying to buy expat a sympathy card, there was sorry you've lost your mum and dad but no child because you should never have to send that card to someone, none of them seemed appropriate I mean how can they be?!!?? The poor card shop woman didn't know what to do.

entropynow · 10/03/2018 23:49

"Quite genuinely surprised...complacent". Fuck off. Did you read the "my mum died 3 WEEKS ago?

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