He should have accepted this apology?

[DextroDependant]

My son is 12 and has today been rude to my dp twice.

The first time he was coming out of a stubborn hypo (he has T1 Diabetes) just before his dinner, he had put his insulin down and couldn't remember where so we were all looking for it. My son lolled down on the sofa and DP said you won't find it lying there.
My son said shut up.
Yes DS shouldn't tell him to shut up but having a bad hypo makes him feel shit and it does affect his attitude. He can't help that it is his illness.

The second time he was asleep and I had made pancakes, I made him one not realising he was asleep so asked DP to shout him.
He shouted him a couple of times and DS shouted back what, DP said to come down and so DS came down and snapped what do you want.
When he came into the kitchen to get his food I told him he shouldn't snap at people and not to be rude.
He then went back and apologised to DP for snapping at him.

DP just completely ignored him.

I said if he wants to cause tension he can go home. He is the adult and whilst DS was out of order I have had a word and he apologised.

So AIBU or should he have accepted the apology?

BoneyBackJefferson Just a thought but your DS won't find his meds when he eventually moves out by lolling on the sofa.

Your comment can also fuck right off. Do you have any clue at all what a hypo is? To anyone that does you literally could not have posted a more moronic comment. It's almost - if it weren't so depressing - funny.

ETA: OP, I can't believe your son has been diagnosed so recently too - poor, poor, poor boy. He's going through somethin g awful right now. Kick your DP to the curb - your son needs you so much right now and your DP sounds like an unsympathetic twat if within the first year of your son's diagnosis he's making comments and behaving like that.

I think most of the negative responses against the DS on here are from people who have no understanding of diabetes or any other illnesses that cause acute changes to behaviour.
No one can be held responsible for their behaviour while being affected by a condition that directly affects your behaviour.
Your DP shouldn't be making your DS feel bad for being ill.
Diabetes is a serious illness. The sufferers don't need shit from people who don't understand the condition. And after that, to be shouted at while asleep, has your DP got no consideration?
My Dad has Type 2 diabetes, so not the same at all. But when his blood sugar was off he didn't know who me, my DB or my DM were. He is the biggest family man in the world so I know that his diabetes must have completely taken over his brain to not know us. Did I expect him to apologise afterwards? No, of course I didn't. The same as I wouldn't expect someone with food poisoning to apologise for being sick.
People are angry, confused and at times violent during hypo and hyper attacks, don't make it worse by bitching at them afterwards.
OP, your son shouldn't have needed to apologise. Your DP should be mature enough to understand that your DS wasn't choosing how he behaved. DP is the adult here. DS is a child who has a condition which takes over his behaviour. Would you expect an apology from a child who hit you accidentally while having an epileptic seizure?
If you DP often behaves like this around your DS then I really think you need to consider whether this "man" should be around you child.

I also disagree that DS has an obligation to apologise after a hypo. He didn’t have much of a choice in his behaviour, and he was quite clearly suffering from it enough himself. Of course he needs to know when to apologise when older (e.g. the manager example a PP mentioned) but right now it can only be a slap in the face when you make him feel he’s in the wrong over behaviour he can’t control.

I am also less than impressed by people who think it appropriate to shout for you but then decide they can’t be arsed to actually give an idea of what they want, and require you to come to them. He could have shouted “pancakes”, it’s not hard.

Just to clarify, I didn't ask DS to apologise for the first instance. I personally think that DP was the one in the wrong and I know DS can't help being Hypo.

If I ever say DS you are being a bit grumpy, do a blood test he always says Sorry and does one. It's not something I have asked him to say, and yesterday we already knew he was hypo so DP comment was uncalled for.

The second instance I did ask him to apologise because he was a bit rude but I didn't think it was a big deal. People are sometimes snappy, you apologise and move on. Not the end of the world. If it happened day in day out it would be an issue but not an occassional sharp word.

Seems like a difficult situation but I absolutely see a boy that age newly diagnosed getting grumpy when hungry or tired.
I personally think the second situation could have been avoided by not asking you dp to shout for ds upstairs. That can be really frustrating for the adult when you don’t get a reply and equally for ds if he was resting.
I try (try being operative word) to walk to where the person is that I need because getting everything used to shouting from room to room isn’t desirable.
Also agree you ought not to ignore someone who is apologising, but I’d let it go in the interests of better relations.

It should have been you who told your boyfriend to shut up the first time. Sounds like he's jealous of a poorly 12 year old. Pathetic.

I think that people are judging both parties harshly here.

DP: 1. He doesn't live with you. Your DS is recently diagnosed (

ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen

Strange that you have a go at me but seem to not know just how organised someone with diabetes has to be for exactly the reasons of what a hypo is.

He's 12.

Kids are often rude or offhand or silly. That's because they are younger than us and not as experienced in life. I never cease to be amazed at how quick adults on here are to put kids down.

The diabetes sounds serious and pretty crap, I only know someone with type 2 and as an adult they struggle terribly with using insulin. I feel so sorry for your boy.

But one glaring headline here, DS is only 12 - OMG if your DP can't cope now, in 2 years time when DS is in full on teenage mode, DP will be running out the door screaming let alone you telling him to go.

Just to clarify, I didn't ask DS to apologise for the first instance. I personally think that DP was the one in the wrong and I know DS can't help being Hypo.

The second instance I did ask him to apologise because he was a bit rude

So, did you ask your DP to apologise for being rude? Or is it only the preteen in the grip of a hypo that has to apologise, not the (as far as we know) competent adult? When I was a kid, the hypocrisy of that would have had me fuming. And would definitely have made any apology come out grumpy sarcastic: "I'm sorry for being slightly grumpy when I said "what", after you were nasty to me during a hypo, then woke me up when I was crashed out afterwards"

This is my son’s reaction to the posts that say op’s son is at fault. He is in the midst of unstable blood sugar so these are the feelings a child feels during a hypo and hyper blood sugar. I am hoping this will help people’s understanding of how this affects type 1 children, who get this condition through no fault of their own. Please be gentle in your replies if you do reply.

Hi, I am lashalicious kid, I am turning 13 soon and I got type 1 last year and I think all of these people who say that the kid Is a brat or that it is his fault, need to shut their faces and learn some respect. When my blood sugar gets high I get FLAMING MAD and turn into Thanos or Darkseid. Thanos is a Marvel character and Darkseid is DC, if you didn’t know. And when I get low, I either get sad or angry at anything.
Also besides the fact that his blood sugar is high, the guy getting mad at him is not his real father so that would already create tension between them because it is not the kids real dad and it is not the guys real son. I think the idiot partner should get type 1 for a week and see how it feels. I think the mom should tell the “DP” Or whatever stupid abbreviations they have on this website, to shut his big mouth.
I think the should be kicked to the curb. My blood sugar was high when I wrote this so it might sound mean but Idc.

Lash - thank you to your ds for posting. I think it's helpful to hear a first hand experience of what's it's like.

Thank you Lashilicious DS. I really appreciate your honesty. The things you said were exactly what was going through my mind so I am glad your point of view matches mine.

I know it's hard having T1, you are my son's she and have had T1 the same length of time. If you want someone to talk to the same age and going through the same thing I am sure my son would like to have a friend if you have Insta or are on PS network. Send me a PM if you feel you want to.

Thank you Lashilicious DS. I really appreciate your honesty. The things you said were exactly what was going through my mind so I am glad your point of view matches mine.

I know it's hard having T1, you are my son's she and have had T1 the same length of time. If you want someone to talk to the same age and going through the same thing I am sure my son would like to have a friend if you have Insta or are on PS network. Send me a PM if you feel you want to.

High five to Lash's son, what a total legend!

I can see you are in a difficult position OP. To be honest i think your son is the bigger man here. If i am honest you should have been able to say to DP that you son is still recovering from his hypo and need not have to apologise. You should expect him to notice and tell you that rather than get in a huff. Do not placate DP when he should be apologising to your son.

You need to talk this out with DP and explain you expect him to be reasonable in his dealings with your son. Diabetes is a horrible condition. You feel stalked by a sinister presence all day and all night. People on here have got no idea how it can rule your life. You need to put your efforts into ensuring your son achieves everything he has always wanted and that diabetes does not influence his life any more than it needs to.

If your relationship is to last your DP will need to help you. There will always be some people who just do not get it- my mum used to tell me not to eat chocolate because it woukd make me fat when my blood sugars were really low!