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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He should have accepted this apology?

116 replies

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 21:09

My son is 12 and has today been rude to my dp twice.

The first time he was coming out of a stubborn hypo (he has T1 Diabetes) just before his dinner, he had put his insulin down and couldn't remember where so we were all looking for it. My son lolled down on the sofa and DP said you won't find it lying there.
My son said shut up.
Yes DS shouldn't tell him to shut up but having a bad hypo makes him feel shit and it does affect his attitude. He can't help that it is his illness.

The second time he was asleep and I had made pancakes, I made him one not realising he was asleep so asked DP to shout him.
He shouted him a couple of times and DS shouted back what, DP said to come down and so DS came down and snapped what do you want.
When he came into the kitchen to get his food I told him he shouldn't snap at people and not to be rude.
He then went back and apologised to DP for snapping at him.

DP just completely ignored him.

I said if he wants to cause tension he can go home. He is the adult and whilst DS was out of order I have had a word and he apologised.

So AIBU or should he have accepted the apology?

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 10/03/2018 22:28

Hypos can totally transform someones personality. They can be fine one minute then fighting mad/confused/swearing at you the next. Your dp and some people on here need to realise that. Its not on purpose or being a stroppy teen.

Your son apologised the 2nd time and your dp should have accepted it. That would have been the end of it. Sulking made him as bad as any teen.

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 22:29

Dp wasn't in the same room so didn't know that I had suggested it.

DS was quite sheepish when he was speaking to me and apologised to me immediately and explained. Obviously it wasn't me that was owed the apology.

I hope I am not painting my DS as a stroppy monster. He is normally pleasant and well mannered. Just unfortunate that we have had two incidents in one day.

OP posts:

SockMobster · 10/03/2018 22:29

It also really pisses me off when people shout me down / up stairs without giving the reason. Particularly when I'm feeling crap.

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 22:30

Even if not in the same room it's pretty easy to tell when someone is apologising genuinely for something and when it's just words they think they ought to be saying.

Anyway like PP have said it's a storm in a teacup overall and I think as long as you speak to DS about his manners and apologise to DP for how you acted towards him everyone will forgive and move on.

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 22:32

@Inthedeep,I must admit, I am surprised too. I thought the odd bit of strop was par for the course.

OP posts:

SockMobster · 10/03/2018 22:33

apologise to DP for how you acted towards him

Or stick with your original plan of stating that if he wants to cause tension he can go home, particularly whilst being a prat to your son whilst he was unwell.

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 22:34

@Sock I hate it too, my role is if you cant see me, dont talk to me. I hate hearing Muuuummmmm all over the house.

OP posts:

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 22:34

*rule

OP posts:

LimonViola · 10/03/2018 22:35

Yeah, a light hearted jibe about not finding something without looking for it definitely warrants being told to shut up. Those things are comparable.

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 22:37

It wasn't a light hearted jibe. It was a sarcy comment/telling off.

DS shouldn't tell him to shut up but DP was most definitely out of order for that one.

OP posts:

khajiit13 · 10/03/2018 22:37

Hypos massively effect your attitude/mood and it's not really within their control. Even hours after a hypo you will still feel like shit. He apologised so that should be it

Willow2017 · 10/03/2018 22:38

limon

You dont know it was light hearted.
When you are coming out of a hypo you dont need some smartass making jibes at you.

RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 22:43

I dunno I can still remember times my mum wouldn't accept an apology. It taught me that adults can be childish. Which probably wasn't her intention.

RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 22:44

Don't mean I remember all of them btw, she was quite a woman.

RidingWindhorses · 10/03/2018 22:45

^quite an odd woman, I meant.

Maybe83 · 10/03/2018 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Auspiciouspanda · 10/03/2018 22:46

Light hearted jibe my fat arse. Sarcy comment by someone ignorant to his medical condition.

I have migraines and sometimes ask for help locating my sumatriptan. My partner, family and friends can all do this without having to pull out one liners because they’re actually helpful and nice people.

anneoneill · 10/03/2018 22:48

If my partner told me to leave in that context, I wouldn't be back.

as the adult he Should lead by example.

Sage advice, follow it yourself.

blastomama · 10/03/2018 22:52

An adult ignoring a child who apologises to them is ruder than the child was.

he sounds like a dick.

Neolara · 10/03/2018 22:53

My exceptionally polite and very lovely friend who has type 1 diabetes can get snappy and occasionally belligerent when her blood sugars go haywire. I'd cut your ds some slack for the first incident.

FlashTheSloth · 10/03/2018 22:53

YANBU. Your DP is the adult and he should have acknowledgement the apology. I'm pretty gobsmacked at the amount of posts saying otherwise. You son is 12, he is still a child and whilst I have no experience or knowledge of hypos, it sounds like it is a valid reason for his responses, not a standard rude child! I have a chronic illness and aspergers and I can usually feel myself getting very overwhelmed if there is too much noise around or too many people and I can become very snappy. I don't mean to but it's because I'm on the verge of it all becoming too much and 1 little thing can push me over the edge and I'll just snap. It's not an excuse, these things are reasons and explanations for changes in people's behaviour and I would expect adults to understand that and deal with it in an adult manner, not sulk like a child.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/03/2018 22:58

If you're not planning on dumping the arsehole, might I suggest he does some reading.

www.diabetes.org.uk/Guide-to-diabetes/Your-child-and-diabetes/Schools/School-staff/Complications#recognise

I particularly draw reference to the bit, under "How to recognise a hypo" that goes: feeling tearful, stroppy or moody.

It's a physiological reaction. Might as well tell someone who fainted to apologise for having been unconscious.

Tartsamazeballs · 10/03/2018 22:58

The hypo: completely understandable reaction. It makes you feel shitty and a sarky comment like that was designed to get under his skin. You can't get pissy when someone reacts pissily to a pissy comment you made. Honestly I'm 32 and would probably react like that to my husband if he was needling me when I felt awful.

The second one: he was asked to apologize and he did so. He's nearly a teen and teens are sometimes dicks by nature. No point dragging it out, just a quick "that's ok, don't do it again it hurt my feelings" would have sufficed. Ignoring an apology is juvenile in the extreme.

bellie710 · 10/03/2018 23:00

My DH has type 1 and can be a nightmare when he has a hypo, he is argumentative can be aggresive and rude. People who don't understand Diabetes have no idea how bad it can be and your DP needs to understand that and grow up a bit!!

Original poster

DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 23:08

It's a physiological reaction. Might as well tell someone who fainted to apologise for having been unconscious.

This actually made me laugh although I know it wasn't supposed to be funny.

OP posts:

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