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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be raging with DH

93 replies

SchoolMoney · 10/03/2018 18:07

Will try not to ramble on or drip feed.
DS is 8 months old. I am vegetarian and DH is not. DS is being raised vegetarian until he says he wants otherwise/wants to try something and I'm fine with that.

I do all of the care for DS. Everything. We were invited to a good friends sons christening today. DH has dicked about for weeks about us going because of the rugby. He might go to the match, he might go to the pub, he might watch it at home, doesn't want to risk missing it. He said he was staying at home so DS was staying with him. I said this morning when DH was going to the shops if it was easier for him to pick up a packet of DS for lunch and dinner to do so, otherwise there was food in he could make. He told me he HAD to go since I hadn't bothered preparing anything.

He came home with 5 food options, 2 meat. I said I didn't have time to go into it and didn't want an argument but DO NOT give him the meat and we would talk about it later. He messaged me to say he tried to feed DS meat and I should get home because I was being cruel being out.

AIBU in thinking when I am out for 5 hours by myself he should be able to care for DS and not go against my one request just to spite me/to prove he could. I said we would talk about it this evening but it seems like the first chance he had he went against me. To be clear, the meat bit annoys me but I'm raging at the deliberately going against what I asked rather than talk first.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchoolMoney · 10/03/2018 18:08

I swear I typed in paragraphs...

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/03/2018 18:11

Did your DH agree to your DS being raised vegetarian?

Apart from that he is behaving like a brat because he has to take care of his own child for a bit.

PotteringAlong · 10/03/2018 18:13

If your DH isn’t a vegetarian, why is your DS eating meat a problem when you’re not there?

Whatshallidonowpeople · 10/03/2018 18:13

Why not raise the child to eat meat and let him decide to be veggie?

confusedlittleone · 10/03/2018 18:16

Was the no meat something that was agreed between both you or something you just decided was happening?

Cowsopinion · 10/03/2018 18:16

was raising him a veggie a joint decision between both of you?

counterpoint · 10/03/2018 18:18

Sounds like some control issues at play.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/03/2018 18:18

What they said/asked ^

jaseyraex · 10/03/2018 18:20

Did he agree to raise him veggie? If he won't follow your wishes then you may need to look at the option of raising your child on meat and let them be veggie if they wish when older. For what it's worth, a lot of kids don't really like meat when they're young (used to work with kids with food/drink aversions). It's a hard taste and texture to get to grips with. So even if you give it, he might not eat it. My almost 3 year old still won't eat any.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/03/2018 18:20

I am vegi, dh isn't, but supported my suggestion that ds be vegi also. He has years of adult life to catch up should he feel like he missed out. My adult dc were also vegi, the ds's eat meat but dd still doesn't . All are happy with the choice I made for them back then. No issues. And none from me that the boys eat meat now.

JennyHolzersGhost · 10/03/2018 18:21

Is this about the vegetarianism or about his inability to cope with his own child for a few hours ? If the latter then it sounds like deliberate ineptitude to me, to duck out of household responsibilities. Don’t let him get away with it. Time to schedule a lot more father son time I feel !

babyfreenight1 · 10/03/2018 18:22

I'm a meat eater and my dh is vegetarian and we are raising the child to eat whatever she wants.

Fairylea · 10/03/2018 18:24

If your dh is meat eating I think it’s a bit much to expect him to feed your ds as a vegetarian when you’re not there. Surely he is an equal parent and can make decisions about what he feeds your child?

And I say that as someone who was vegan for 26 years.

EmyRoo · 10/03/2018 18:25

The food issue is a bit of a red herring, at least I think so - why was your DH being such a ditherer about the christening and then creating because he had to look after DS? If it had not been the food, it would have been something else. It’s not your job to make sure DS is fed (although the counter argument is that if your DH feeds him, then he feeds him, veggie or not - though if veggie has been agreed, I would expect him to support that).

VladmirsPoutine · 10/03/2018 18:29

Sounds like there are a few separate issues at play here. His twatty behaviour regarding the rugby, his demand that you come home as you are being cruel for being out; coupled with you having not prepared anything so he "HAD" to go out and the meat.

It sounds like you have more problems than the meat.

If it's solely about the meat: You have married and had a child with a meat-eater, I don't think it should come as a shock if the child tries some meat.

WhyBeDennyDifferent · 10/03/2018 18:30

If ds was happy to eat the meat then I can’t see the problem?

LilaBlue · 10/03/2018 18:32

It's both your son. If he wants him to have meat when he's with him then he can I guess.

Pointlessfacts · 10/03/2018 18:32

Hmmmm, I'm on the fence about this.

My ex wanted to discipline our DS by smacking him as he grew up, I saw it as cruel & that is now the reason he has 0 contact with our DS.

If OP views eating meat as a bad thing, shouldn't it mean they should raise their kids the same??

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2018 18:35

Well he has as much right to give his child meat as you have to only feed him vegetarian food, your wishes dont over rule his.

However, he sounds like he deeply resents doing anything for his child, and that is the issue you need to focus on and not the food. You being out is cruel? How does he square that with the fact that he goes to the pub? Surely that is cruel too?

Blackteadrinker77 · 10/03/2018 18:35

Sounds like he needs a lot more practice looking after his child alone.

anneoneill · 10/03/2018 18:35

If there are no health issues, why does your dietary preferences trump his? Are you this controlling otherwise?

Fairenuff · 10/03/2018 18:36

I do all of the care for DS. Everything.

Why?

Creambun2 · 10/03/2018 18:36

I think you have forced this vegetarianism as it is your wishes - did you even ask DH about this or it was all your decision?

GnotherGnu · 10/03/2018 18:37

I'm not sure I understand about the vegetarian issue. If you're happy for your DS to give meat a go when he's a bit older presumably you're not against it in principle, so it's difficult to see what harm it would do.

What causes me more concern is the bollocks about you being cruel being out for a few hours. Does he go to work? How come being away for several hours a day isn't cruel if it's him doing it? It can't conceivably be cruel to leave a child in his father's care unless the father himself is acting in a cruel fashion. It seems pretty obvious that he thought he'd have a peaceful day watching the rugby and ignoring his son and is discovering that that isn't possible.

IdaDown · 10/03/2018 18:38

Did he feed/threaten to feed DS meat to piss you off / get you to come home. Or to punish you for going out & leaving him with DS?

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