To be raging with DH

[SchoolMoney]

Will try not to ramble on or drip feed.
DS is 8 months old. I am vegetarian and DH is not. DS is being raised vegetarian until he says he wants otherwise/wants to try something and I'm fine with that.

I do all of the care for DS. Everything. We were invited to a good friends sons christening today. DH has dicked about for weeks about us going because of the rugby. He might go to the match, he might go to the pub, he might watch it at home, doesn't want to risk missing it. He said he was staying at home so DS was staying with him. I said this morning when DH was going to the shops if it was easier for him to pick up a packet of DS for lunch and dinner to do so, otherwise there was food in he could make. He told me he HAD to go since I hadn't bothered preparing anything.

He came home with 5 food options, 2 meat. I said I didn't have time to go into it and didn't want an argument but DO NOT give him the meat and we would talk about it later. He messaged me to say he tried to feed DS meat and I should get home because I was being cruel being out.

AIBU in thinking when I am out for 5 hours by myself he should be able to care for DS and not go against my one request just to spite me/to prove he could. I said we would talk about it this evening but it seems like the first chance he had he went against me. To be clear, the meat bit annoys me but I'm raging at the deliberately going against what I asked rather than talk first.

Right. He's a spoilt child, your DH, not because of what he fed but because he does nothing.

Stop facilitating him.

And give over with the one 'meat' packet. This is more about your DH being an utter knob and I'm married to a rugby daft meat eater who is only just getting to watch the rugby as he's been WORKING or looking after OUR children all day.

Behave yourselves and learn which battles to bother fighting

The meat is the least of the issues here IMO.

I agree the vegetarian issue is distracting from the main problem here.

Your DH deliberately tried to sabotage your day out by doing something he knew would piss you off, then texted you about it, then tried to guilt trip you into coming home.

He sounds like a totally useless dad. Does he bring anything positive to your life?

I agree he should have talked to you about it before giving your DS meat, but is it possible that he feels you just would have said no to it regardless and so didn't see the point of talking to you about it?

For what it's worth I'm veggie, DH isn't. We have 2 DDs (3 and 1) and we have agreed they can have meat in their diet although when they are old enough I will be honest (in an age-appropriate way) where meat comes from, and from then it's their choice whether they eat it or not. But I didn't want to push my views on them, and to be honest from a practical issue it would be a bloody nightmare trying to police everything small children eat when at parties, nursery etc.

Yabu about the meat. This : We had agreed DS could try meat when he's old enough to ask if that's what he wants. is illogical and controlling. It’s like saying that you’ll raise then in a religion then they can stop if they want. It’s not a true choice on your child’s part.

Your DH sound like a childish dick who is whining about having to look after his own child. His giving meat sounds like he’s punishing you for having to do what he should be doing anyway.

The meat really isn’t the issue - his parenting is.

I don't really get the veggie thing for a baby if both parents are not on board BUT the timing your DH chose to go against you is not right, YANBU

Accept or decline an invite !
Missing a close friends do because of sport on TV is crappy
Not parenting your child 50/50 is bad
Having a relationship where you do things to a child to spite the other parent is cause for concern

Did he agree to raise him veggie?

He's not fucking raising him at all! Why should he be able to force OP to cook meat when he never cooks his son anything himself? He doesn't get to dictate what OP cooks, if he wants a say, then he has to take on some responsibility.

He's tried to sabotage you're night because he's a selfish cunt who seems to think he can have kids and then absolve himself of any parenting. He thinks it's all your job and is angry at you for daring to stop out of line. I'd honestly leave him, he's controlling.

*your

I agree it really does sound like he offered meat to your child purely for the sole purpose of upsetting you. I also wonder if he did it so he doesn't have to take charge of the child on his own again so he can essentially do as he pleases. I don't blame you for being upset, he is an arse

The reason I do everything for DS is because otherwise it doesn't get done

Again, why?

Why does your dh do nothing for his own son?

So many people missing the point in their excitement to bash the OP for raising the child vegetarian.

Cause you're cruel going out?

Your DH is an utter cock

Of course you are not being unreasonable. He is doing a deliberately provoking thing and telling you about it to mess with your childfree afternoon out.

The vegetarian thing is just what he is using, it could be any number of things. (Squash instead of water, for example).

I’d love it if you could just let it go. Wash over you like the breeze. That would royally mix up his brattish plan and confuse his childish little brain.

Telling you to come home when there was no emergency was out of order, he should be able to parent alone. Most men who don't do anything didn't actually want to be fathers in the first place you tend to find.

However it's his choice what he feeds his son as he is his father and can make decisions too. It sounds like he actually wasn't on board with the decision and had to go along with it. Why do your views over ride his?

Simply going on the meat issue as that’s what you’ve posted about, it appears very much like he’s never been on board with your decision to force your child to be vegetarian (you are taking away their choice).

Since you had to tell him “and don’t let DS eat meat...”, it’s pretty clear you thought he might, as you wouldn’t say it if you were both on board.

Therefore you know you’ve forced your DH into forcing your child to be vegetarian.

Feeding the baby meat is the least of your problems mate. Your DH sounds like a prize pillock and is totally unengaged with his own child.

I can’t get worked up about the meat, it’s really not a problem.

The attitude toward housework and a partner is the real issue. The meat is a distractor.

The fact it's to do with being vegetarian is irrelevant and sadly will derail the entire thread as people can't seem to fathom that all parents bring their kids up aligned with their own beliefs until they can choose otherwise. Your child can begin to eat meat if she wishes but she'll never be able to undo it if she's raised non vegetarian then wants to be when she's older.

It's irrelevant anyway, what matters is you and DH had an agreement on a pretty important aspect of child rearing and as soon as you were away from the scene he betrayed that. He didn't approach you to sit and discuss renegotiating, he just attempted to go for it without your say so.

If you wanted to bring baby up in the Muslim faith until she could decide for herself and he fed her non halal meat people would get why this is such a huge deal. A belief system doesn't have to be religion based to be extremely important to someone.

He only gave your ds meat to piss you off as a punishment for going out without you. He probably thought you'd gone rushing home.

He sounds nasty and controlling.

I'm not against him giving your ds meat on principle as he is a parent too. But the reason he gave it is nasty and controlling.

Crikey this isn't a debate about the ethics of vegetarianism. It's about a man punishing his wife for going out and leaving his ds with him. It could've been anything. He used the meat because he knew it would upset the op.

Controlling wanker telling you to get home. I hope you didn’t go running back. Put your phone on silent next time.

I raised dc vegetarian, dd now vegan. Ds probably is nearly vegan as am I.

He really is playing with fire feeding a vegetarian child meat. He could have thrown the lot up and really messed up his tv viewing. (Ds was fed meat at school and projectile vomited the lot across the table)

I raised mine veggie because I am the one who cooks for them and I don't eat meat and don't like the smell.

I wonder if you took this to the next level and said he could no longer go out without ds because it was cruel.

Yes the meat is a red herring, metaphorically... he's a prime cunt.

Having said that I find it weird that so many posters think an omnivorous diet should be the default choice, especially in a household where the parent doing the cooking shopping and parenting is vegetarian.

Thanks for the replies, it's giving me a lot to think about. The care for DS falls to me mostly because I'm with him all the time and DH works alot and very hard (which I do appreciate). He generally trusts my opinion on things as he knows nothing about babies at all and I have friends with children/read and research what I can etc. I obviously speak to him,ask his thoughts about things and take them on board. But if he has an opinion then I think he believes it should just happen without discussion. He paid a school application form when DS before DS was 6 weeks old because that was the only option (in his head) and wouldn't entertain the idea of anywhere else. He doesn't know I know that though.