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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH not to bother

82 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:17

Mother’s Day
I have sorted my mum and DHs Mum, got cards and presents from us and from DS as well.
DH told me this morning he is taking DS to asda (he always leaves stuff till the last minute). DS has come down with a temp and is led on the sofa, I am in the kitchen and I heard DH say to DS we will go tomorrow and Mummy will just have to wait for her present till the afternoon and if you are still feeling poorly then daddy will choose something for you.

I just feel like saying don’t bother if you couldn’t get organised.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 10/03/2018 14:19

Yabu

He doesn’t have to do things to your schedule or preference

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:19

Sorry posted to soon
He always leaves stuff till the last minute and I am sick of it. I do usually get something but it’s whatever is at Asda so no thought gone into it at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:23

I know I am being unreasonable I am just sick of everything left till the last minute with no thought of something might go wrong. For my birthday last year I didn’t get anything on the day as he had seen a necklace weeks before and went to get it a week later (the morning of my birthday) to find it has gone. He can’t make decisions he always has to think about it and go back or not plan anything and just made do with what is at asda

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 10/03/2018 14:26

YABU

Prestonsflowers · 10/03/2018 14:27

YANBU
It’s a pain living with someone who leaves everything to the last minute.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 14:27

Hmm yes Asda is a bit crap I'll give you that. I suppose he was thinking about getting you the usual chocolates and flowers?

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:28

Ok I am being unreasonble and I will keep my mouth shut

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:31

Yep it will be flowers, a bar of chocolate or poss the first thing he can find with mummy on it. I took DS to choose something for my mum and his mum and also got them something nice off me and DH.

I just always feel like an afterthought and then he huffs and puffs about having to go out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:31

Buggering off to a spa next year I think

OP posts:
Voiceforreason · 10/03/2018 14:31

Does it matter what you get? I used to pick primroses for my mum and give her a home made card. They cost nothing. When she died I found in her drawer a collection of home made cards that my sister and myself had given her. My youngest daughter gave me a coat for Mother's day. So generous and extravagant! How I long though for those simple times of primroses and home made cards. It really isn't about the gift.

TheSnowFairy · 10/03/2018 14:32

Not his fault DS isn't feeling well enough to go.

I imagine the vast majority will have left it til this weekend.

YABU.

mimibunz · 10/03/2018 14:33

YANBU. I’d rather get nothing than be an afterthought. It’s humiliating.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2018 14:34

Why isn't he sorting out his own Mother's card and present? That way he could have sorted out yours as well.

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:35

No it doesn’t matter but I would like DS to choose it, I would love some picked flowers (not sure if that is allowed anyone) or a handmade card.

I guess it’s just the always leaving till the last minute that is getting to me rather then the Mother’s Day itself. It’s just the latest in a long line.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/03/2018 14:37

I choose his mothers because I thought I would kill two birds with one stone while
I was out with DS

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 10/03/2018 14:37

YABU

Mother's Day isn't until tomorrow. He wasn't to know your DS would be ill today.

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 14:39

I don't think there was anything wrong with leaving it until today to go shopping, particularly if your DS is quite young as otherwise it can be quite a long time between buying Mummy a special present and getting to give it to her and if they were planning on getting flowers then they wouldn't want to buy them until now would they?
It's a shame that he isn't well today but that couldn't be helped. As long your son is choosing it does it matter what you get or where it comes from?

YouTheCat · 10/03/2018 14:40

He still has time to get you something. The fact that he is thinking about it today says that you're not an afterthought.

It all just sounds a bit 'hand-wringy' because it isn't perfect to me.

My dd has planned well and bought me rhubarb and ginger gin.

KimmySchmidt1 · 10/03/2018 14:41

A lot of women are like this. You put in loads of effort for his mother, totally unnessarily, and then feel Secret silent resentment of him when he doesn’t make the same amount of effort for you.

Instead of posting on here, why don’t you try to fix it by (1) not buying someone else’s mother something for mother’s day - it’s his mother, let him do it, then you won’t feel resentful of doing this unneccessary and uncalled for effort. (2) tell him you are hurt by his lack of thought and last minute attitude and ask him to make more effort.

People are not mind readers. Say what you want, get what you want, and stop wallowing in self pity over things.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/03/2018 14:42

YANBU - my DH does this every year as well.
Birthday, Mother's Day and he'd do it on Christmas Day too if the shops were open!
It's not fair on the children - they want to wake me up with a present and a card, and if he hasn't helped them to get one, then they are sad. It's not my job to get my own Mother's Day present - I do get my own birthday present from them but leave him to get the card, or they draw one (which is a safer bet)

It's nothing to do with him having his own schedule, it's entirely down to me being that low down his list of priorities that I'm always an afterthought.

Scullerymaid · 10/03/2018 14:42

I hear you OP. You're def not BU.
I eventually found it best to get my own present.
I got a lovely watch from the children one memorable
Mothering Sunday. Grin

fuzzywuzzy · 10/03/2018 14:42

Do did this to me the first year we were together, went out and got my birthday gift the morning of my birthday, as my birthdays a month after Christmas he got me the Christmas gift sale stuff he could find in Sainsbury’s. I told him to please not buy me anything as it really hurt my feelings to feel like an afterthought and that he felt obliged to get me something just for the sake of it.

Then he was very shocked when I got him a thoughtful planned gift for his birthday. The year after he actually put a lot of thought into it.

I think yanbu, it is hurtful to be treated like an afterthought, he could have done it last weekend there’s usually not much left on the morning of Mother’s Day, DP left it one year for his own mum (despite a reminder from me) till the last minute and ended up sending her flowers by post late because of it.

SnowiestMountain · 10/03/2018 14:43

YANBU, I understand that you just want a bit of thought rather than something grabbed from Asda at the last minute.

I really want something that is thoughtful (it costs £6.99 so not at all extravagant) I think DH has been into town this week to get it, if that it the case, the item & a homemade card will be perfect!

It's not the thing, it's the thought!

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 10/03/2018 14:44

OP, I know a lot of people would think YABU, but this would annoy me as well. I think it's a bit thoughtless and I would absolutely say to my DH that I wasn't happy with it. We've had a few rows over his rubbish attempts at Mothers' Day, in fact. I don't care if people think I'm being a bit precious - I work very hard for my family, at home and in my job, I spoil them all rotten every day of the year, and it's one bloody day that they could return the favour.

Lethaldrizzle · 10/03/2018 14:46

I'd definitely stop sorting out dh's mums present. That's mad