To have underestimated how fucking awful miscarriage would be?

[loveulotslikejellytots]

Trust me, I never thought it would be a walk in the park and it's not even the physical side I'm struggling with. It's the emotional side.

I got told last Monday that baby was only measuring 6 weeks, I should have been 11. No heartbeat. The epu want to leave it a week and re-scan just in case it was just too early but the spotting is now bleeding although not too heavy (yet).

I went to work Tuesday and Wednesday because I felt ok, I don't work Thursday/Friday.

Mil who I usually get on great with keeps texting me. DH has now told her to leave off for a bit, she thinks she's helping because she loves to talk. I don't. I told her that and now DH has told her that. But so far since Monday I've had every cliche saying sent to me, disguised as help. 'There was probably something wrong', 'At least you have dd', 'It's nature's way', 'At least it was early'. I ignore each one but it usually sets me off into a proper snotty crying session.

DH bumped into our friends yesterday, we are seeing them tomorrow at their new house for their housewarming. She is also 12 weeks pregnant and is announcing to everyone tomorrow. DH told me last night so I wasn't in front of everyone. For some reason that finished me off, I fell asleep sobbing on DH. Why is everything getting to me so much? I'm so happy for my friends, I'm not jealous in the slightest, they had a properly shit time with their 1st baby being born seriously ill (she's fine now) they really deserve it!

AIBU to have underestimated the emotional side of all this? Or am I overreacting? I'm not an 'emotional' person so this is hitting me like a bus. I just feel like curling up in bed for about 2 weeks, but with a 2 year old to entertain that's not possible.

SadieHH I think I've got more information (more honest information maybe) from here than anywhere else.

SillyBilly1234 - yeah all the adverts on my Facebook have been for ultrasound places and bounty packs. Thank god i haven't sent the bounty and Emma's diary stuff back. My laziness paid off this time.

I'll see what happens By Tuesday and look into surgical then. It sounds callous but I want it over as quickly as possible. I thought I would have to stay in but if it's day surgery I would consider it. Luckily my mum is on hand to have dd during the day, but we've only left her twice overnight.

Things may happen on their own by then, but I've had nearly 2 weeks of spotting which has now turned into more of a moderate period. Not heavy and (sorry if this is TMI) but no clots or anything in it. I'm not convinced it will happen naturally.

DH is taking us out to lunch later because he's working tomorrow, I'm out with all my family tomorrow, luckily my mum knows what's going on so I might give tomorrow a miss. Luckily the in laws went on holiday last night so I will have some peace for 2 weeks (I think they think texts are charged per letter when you're abroad).

Annielovesgilbert - i want to say thank you for that response. It was golden. OP there is no right time line or way to grieve. If you want to cry you go right ahead sweetheart because it IS shit and it IS unfair. You will never forget but i promise you it will get better. Do what you need to do and lean on whomever you need to at this time. People respond with those weird unhelpful comments because usually they don't know what to say. Dont read the message they send - read the love and support behind them. Unless its lifebeginsatgin - that message can just roll off a bloody cliff you twat how was that helpful? We freaking know how common it is and fyi - that doesn't make a blind bit of difference! Some people i swear...

@Annelovesgilbert you took the words right out of my mouth.

Just because it happens more than you realise doesn't diminish the pain and loss. In fact if anything, it makes it so much worse that 20% of people have to go through this horrible horrible thing.

I also hate the term "early". Just because you are only a few weeks or months into the pregnancy doesn't mean you don't have the same hopes and dreams for that child and your life as a family as at 39 weeks.

The two things combined give a sense that you should get over it quickly and it's unreasonable to be so sad for so long about it. It's only when you go through it that you realise how devastating it is and how your future TTC journey and pregnancies will be so different. As someone said on a different post, MC is the thief of joy.

@jellytots I hope this shows you that you are not alone and there are so many people on here if you need to talk or vent. If you decide you want to try again, there is a very supportive thread in the conception forum for those TTC after loss. Take care Xx

@loveulotslikejellytots I’ve just had a MMC too (picked up at 9 weeks) and it’s been rough. I’ve had previous spontaneous miscarriages and coped much better with them.

I’ve had all the well meaning but unhelpful comments too; didn’t tell my MIL as she loves to talk about things and I really don’t.

Sometimes the only thing to say is “it’s shit and I’m sorry”. In my humble opinion!

Yes you're reaction is completely normal. As others say i could have written the sane thing.
Just to say that the medical procedure does have a small risk of scarring and that might affect fertility - which is why the Drs prefer you to go home and manage it yourself. There's a really good thread on the miscarriage board that explains the grim bits the Drs gloss over.
I went for the medical option and i refused a pessary that would have started contractions too. But i like to go into things knowing all the facts.
You may have moments of sadness so hard they take your breath away. You won't forget but you won't always feel the rawness of it as you do now.
It's really shit - treasure your honest friend.

I'm so sorry.

I've had the copper coil for years and on a couple of occasions it seems to have allowed me to conceive and then forced a mc a week or so later. I'm rubbish at monitoring my cycle so don't always realise what's going on.

It happened at work in December when I was walking through the office to a meeting. Had no idea what was happening.

I can only have been 6 weeks or so but the hormonal surge was really difficult and the whole situation was unexpectedly distressing. I can only imagine how much worse it would have been with a planned baby.

It took me several weeks to get back to normal and I only told a couple of people.

I feel for you all. Get through it in whatever way works best for you and know that lots of people understand and would be supportive.

JustHappy3 - what is the thread called or could you link to it please?

I've sent DH to the gym for a few hours, he's not been all week. Me and dd are watching show me show me on a continuous loop

Thank you for all the messages, they really do help. DH has been fantastic but I think it's hard for him to completely understand, he's said as much himself. Although he's upset it's over, it's easier for him to carry on with day to day things because he's not dealing with the hormones and feelings that I am. Let alone the bleeding and pain.

@LifeBeginsAtGin I think you need to take @AnneLovesGilbert advice. It might be useful to have a read over what you write before posting. As someone who is also dealing with MC right now the worst and most heartless thing is to have a bunch of facts relayed at you when you are dealing with this heartache. My best friend took this approach with me this week and I can honestly say I don't think I will ever look at her the same way again.

Life’s comments were factual but really not unkind. None of us know whether she’s had a miscarriage either. Some of the comments to her have been far worse.

The comments are unkind because they are factual. I have no idea whether Life has had a miscarriage and honestly it's irrelevant to this thread either way. But all I would say is that any women who has been through this would never make such comments as they will have experienced how hurtful such comments are x

I don’t think life was trying to minimise the OPs trauma, more saying “you’re not alone”. I found it comforting that sadly, miscarriage isn’t uncommon.

Now, being a recurrent loss patient is less than 1% of women. That statistic I find worse, because it’s isolating and lonely.

Sorry for slow response - been out all morning. It's the first thread on the board (miscarriage is in body and soul)

Thank you. I'm reading through it now, lots of useful info and experience on there sadly.