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AIBU?

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Original poster

Health visitor is stalking us!

87 replies

FirstNov2017 · 07/03/2018 18:58

Our HV saw us at a very vulnerable time. DS wasn't breastfeeding well and I was getting extremely worried and down because of it. HV saw us at a weighing when DS was 2 weeks old and he was back to birth weight. I nearly burst into tears. Immediately the HV started saying I need antidepressants and that I'm doing this all on my own as my partner had 2 other kids. Telling me I must be isolated at home. This is bollocks as my partner is hands on and supportive. DS and I go out in the week to various places. HV made me a Drs appointment for antidepressants.

Saw my GP and he saw that I was coping much better as DS was getting fed expressed milk and we had managed to get some sleep. He said I didn't need antidepressants and that he could understand my dread of DS weight loss the week before. When the HV called to ask what my GP said. She seemed disappointed that I hadn't been put on antidepressants. Confused my GP said she had also flagged possible domestic abuse as reasoning for the appointment. I was livid and I don't knows where she got this from. She keeps making appointments to visit our house. She weighed DS at 13 weeks and asked if it was only breast milk he was being fed as now according to the chart DS is obese! DS is happy and exclusively breast fed. She said she might have to put him on special measures! I can't cope with her and at 16 weeks she called to ask how we are. Is this normal?? She's been here 5 times since birth, 3 of those is her inviting herself.

OP posts:
moita · 07/03/2018 19:02

You can decline her visits - just say you don't need to see her anymore

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 07/03/2018 19:02

You can decline the appointments, just say you're fine with getting him weighed at a clinic and no longer require her to come over. If she still seems insistent make a complaint!

Elephant17 · 07/03/2018 19:03

What the hell?! What reason would she have had to suggest domestic violence?! Confused

She sounds over invested, hopefully well meaning but either way has overstepped the mark. Breast fed babies are supposed to be fed on demand so how on earth could she measure?? Or are you still expressing?

Elephant17 · 07/03/2018 19:04

But yes agree, decline the appointments!

Anymajordude · 07/03/2018 19:04

Could you complain a bit and ask to see an alternative HV instead? In my area there are two. Maybe you can convince the other that you're ok. Sounds like this one has her mind made up about you.

Anymajordude · 07/03/2018 19:05

I just think the more you decline visits the more she'll convince herself it's to hide abuse.

Getoffthetableplease · 07/03/2018 19:05

Definitely doesn't seem normal at all! We've only seen ours twice since birth (now 19m!). I'd call the central line if there is one in your area and say you want to see a different hv if the need arises, if you can't do that then I'd tell them you'd like to opt out of the hv service (which you are perfectly entitled to do)

Blackteadrinker77 · 07/03/2018 19:07

Do you go to the baby clinic?

NotCitrus · 07/03/2018 19:08

Let the GP know she's being overbearing and offer to see the GP or get the baby weighed at a clinic if they have any concerns.

When I was struggling with dc2 for various physical and practical reasons, the GP suggested a HV might help. I said I'd be happy to see the HV if it was (name), but I wasn't letting any of the other local ones in the house.

GP exploded with laughter and confessed she'd had PND and felt exactly the same way. Nice HV came round and was indeed great. Meanwhile I also bonded with a bunch of women who went to the local baby group as we all rolled our eyes when the HV ranted, yet again, that none of us had PND because she'd had it herself and could tell...

IAmWonkoTheSane · 07/03/2018 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Qvar · 07/03/2018 19:08

Oh God I had one of these, her name's not Joy, is it? She was convinced I was abusing Ds2 and kept stripping him naked to look at him - accused me of burning him WITH A CIGARETTE (it was a fucking chicken pock! Nobody in the house smoked!)

In the end I went down to the clinic and asked to speak to the head of the health Visitors, put a complaint in, said she was actively making my mental health worse and I was starting to feel under seige in my own home.

have never once seen her since, that was 12 years ago

FittonTower · 07/03/2018 19:09

My health visitor seemed very keen that i got PND after my second - i understood why, I'd had a really rough time of it and was still very sick but it was quite annoying! I was fine

Tink2007 · 07/03/2018 19:09

Decline the visits. You do not have to have them come in. I wish I had known this for my first DD. I knew for my second though and not one crossed my doorstep.

InSisu · 07/03/2018 19:10

It's scary how many similar stories I've read to this about health visitors. On the one hand, you don't have to use their services but on the other, there's a fear they will think there's something wrong if you don't engage with them. Could your GP not communicate to her that you're fine and don't require her visits?

windchimesabotage · 07/03/2018 19:12

This is very intense. I actually did have PND and I got less input than this from my health visitor! They are supposed to support you not harass you. Id request a different health visitor. Or if you do see her again just be confident in standing your ground.

TroubledLichen · 07/03/2018 19:18

The fact that she called a baby obese clearly shows she’s an utter crackpot that has no idea what she’s talking about. I would take baby to be weighed every week so the health visiting team can see he’s happy and thriving and decline all other visits. If she persists then make a complaint. The health visiting service is entirely optional, you shouldn’t be made to feel like this Sad

MsDugong · 07/03/2018 19:25

You can decline her visits and opt out of the HV service.

You can request a different HV and refuse to see this one.

I'd do one of those two and I'd complain about her.

tictoc76 · 07/03/2018 19:25

Out of four kids I have had 2 HV visits and my youngest is now 2!

That doesn’t include the time when 2 turned up uninvited and I told them I was busy with friends so they couldn’t come in.

GerdaLovesLili · 07/03/2018 19:27

Your partner, the one that didn't want you to have an epidural, and wanted to feed your tiny baby rusks? Do you think your HV might have picked up on this? Because if he sounds dodgy to us, you can imagine what he sounds like to a HV.

Jux · 07/03/2018 19:28

Does she think you're living in a DV situation, but that you're in denial?

As others said, over-invested. Decline her visits.

BookHelpPlease · 07/03/2018 19:30

TBH better she is a tad overbearing and manages to help a woman in the situation she imagines you to be in than disinterested and misses it. Obviously a happy medium would be ideal but HV aren't paid much and aren't perfect.

Backscratchesforever · 07/03/2018 19:33

I would speak to her manager, because if you decline visits she is likely to twist that also. Ask to be seen by someone else

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/03/2018 19:35

ASk to be allocated a different one. Email her manager

Andbabymakesthree · 07/03/2018 19:35

You can decline her visitors. I think she would escalate to social care though. She's sounds unprofessional.

Personally I'd speak to her manager. Remain calm but decline further visits with HER. Request a change.

stikessecretlover99 · 07/03/2018 19:36

Absolutely Complain to her manager , and ask for a new one.

As a H/V I'm always amazed at some stories on here. My county are quite strictly commissioned and also have to follow local standards of operational policy, from what to cover in a new birth visit to supporting a mum who may have pnd.

Sorry you had such a bad time .