Health visitor is stalking us!

[FirstNov2017]

Our HV saw us at a very vulnerable time. DS wasn't breastfeeding well and I was getting extremely worried and down because of it. HV saw us at a weighing when DS was 2 weeks old and he was back to birth weight. I nearly burst into tears. Immediately the HV started saying I need antidepressants and that I'm doing this all on my own as my partner had 2 other kids. Telling me I must be isolated at home. This is bollocks as my partner is hands on and supportive. DS and I go out in the week to various places. HV made me a Drs appointment for antidepressants.

Saw my GP and he saw that I was coping much better as DS was getting fed expressed milk and we had managed to get some sleep. He said I didn't need antidepressants and that he could understand my dread of DS weight loss the week before. When the HV called to ask what my GP said. She seemed disappointed that I hadn't been put on antidepressants. my GP said she had also flagged possible domestic abuse as reasoning for the appointment. I was livid and I don't knows where she got this from. She keeps making appointments to visit our house. She weighed DS at 13 weeks and asked if it was only breast milk he was being fed as now according to the chart DS is obese! DS is happy and exclusively breast fed. She said she might have to put him on special measures! I can't cope with her and at 16 weeks she called to ask how we are. Is this normal?? She's been here 5 times since birth, 3 of those is her inviting herself.

HV scored me 4/10 for parenting skills the first time she came to see me with DS1 (a week old). She never dared come back, and from that day on I never had him weighed. Never saw the point. I could tell he was getting bigger and growing. Don't take any shit. Tell her to do one.

bookHelpPlease

They are qualified nurses with a degree who have done a further 18mths training. They are paid the same as Social workers starting out. They aren't poorly paid.

HV scored me 4/10 for parenting skills

Ex-fucking-SCUSE ME????

She RATED YOU?

'Put him on special measures'? Don't listen to her nonsense about your ds' weight (an obese baby?!? FFS).

But GerdaLovesLili's post is worrying re your partner. Might there be any foundation to concerns about him?

I’m reading this and wondering if you had the same south glos HV I had! Either way I can understand, esp if it’s your first born that you’d need a HV so ask to change

Qvar I think we may have had the same HV! Mine was called Joy and she actually called me a bad mother when I said I couldn't make it to the vaccine clinic as I worked on the one afternoon she held it. I was trying to book for another time! She said other parents who care about their babies manage to make it!

Are you sure there's absolutely no concerns with your relationship?

Don’t think you need this sort of “support”. Your GP sounds sensible, though. As others have said, decline her visits.

Is she definitely a HV and not a 'health care assistant' trying to look important? Because our local baby clinic had a big problem with the staff putting off mothers, for ages.

Turned out the women who did the baby weighing (so at least 3 each time) were totally unqualified to do anything other than write down a number, but did that stop them talking all manner of bollocks and letting the mothers assume they were in a health visitor clinic so must be health visitors? Did it buggery. (until a team of senior HV managers turned up to bollock them...)

I don't think health visitors are paid that badly Book ? Most will be band 6or 7 and as top band 5 nurse I was paid a reasonable wage , that said mine was pretty useless when ds2 actually did have development delay and was subsequently diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities .

How old is your HV? Perhaps she is still fresh from training and head still ringing from child protection stuff and she can't tell the difference between a family who can cope and one who cannot

Mine didn't bother with me - 2 came and shoved a load of leaflets at me a bit before DS2 was born (DS1 wasn't born in the UK), one came unannounced the day after I brought DS2 home, gave me the wrong date for his follow up appointment so I had to make 2 trips, and she didn't even see him as he was asleep in the other room, and that was all I heard from them - nothing more at all! I feel like there could be some kind of happy medium. Even when weighing (which I did only once), I was surprised following my experiences in another country, here I took his clothes off, the HV at the clinic just looked at the scales - in DS1's country they used it as a subtle but effective way to check for signs of abuse.

Call the supervisor of midwives - tell her what's going on. She'll be able to talk to the GP, she'll hear you speaking, she'll know what this particular HV is like she must sort it.

but HV aren't paid much what does someone's pay have to do with how they do their job? I never get this on MN, it's a reason for everything on here. I can kind of see why it applies to someone on minimum wage doing a boring job, but a HV?

They are qualified nurses with a degree who have done a further 18mths training.
Further 18 months training in what? Talking bollocks?

In health visiting soozy but actually they might not have done a degree , depending in when they did their nurse training .

Health Visitors start at Band 6, so between £26,565 to £35,577.

I wouldn't call that badly paid.

@Soozy95
It must be in talking bollocks!
As even the ones with their own children talk utter bollocks, not an ounce of common sense between any of them.

One of my neighbour's was a health visitor she asked my 18 month old if she liked tea and sugar in her bottle?! I was like wtf? She said "oh sorry it's the norm where I work"

Did anyone else get loads of forms to fill in, through the post which you then had to hand in to your HV? One of them was printed off an American website and had all sorts of weird questions on it. The last question being something like, 'what do you like best about your baby?' Or, 'what do you enjoy the most about your baby?' It was too insulting to fill in.

I had a ‘Joy’ too! We all just used to roll our eyes at her.

I would be wary about declining her visits tbh! As although they are "optional" I had one say she would report me to ss if I didn't see her before my baby was 10 days old. Apparently she had to see the baby by that date and when I said I couldn't as it's my daughters birthday on the day she wanted to see him she said I was "being difficult" and "refusing to let her see the baby" despite me saying I will do any other day. But she refused and said she was busy all other days! Some are power mad.

Oh there will be plenty of people on here who think that's terribly low pay and must be just above minimum wage surely! 😂🙄

Don't forget the HV visits are optional. Opt out and save yourself!
Why are some HV so bonkers?

Anyone think it's a good idea to invite her over and just ask her outright why she thinks there is a problem and why she thinks I'm isolated with no support? We've been really settled since 5 weeks and she's seen us 3 times since then. I wonder how many women are being told they need antidepressants when they don't

I ... would make sure you have a non-related witness there, and I would record that interaction. Just my experience.