Health visitor is stalking us!

[FirstNov2017]

Our HV saw us at a very vulnerable time. DS wasn't breastfeeding well and I was getting extremely worried and down because of it. HV saw us at a weighing when DS was 2 weeks old and he was back to birth weight. I nearly burst into tears. Immediately the HV started saying I need antidepressants and that I'm doing this all on my own as my partner had 2 other kids. Telling me I must be isolated at home. This is bollocks as my partner is hands on and supportive. DS and I go out in the week to various places. HV made me a Drs appointment for antidepressants.

Saw my GP and he saw that I was coping much better as DS was getting fed expressed milk and we had managed to get some sleep. He said I didn't need antidepressants and that he could understand my dread of DS weight loss the week before. When the HV called to ask what my GP said. She seemed disappointed that I hadn't been put on antidepressants. my GP said she had also flagged possible domestic abuse as reasoning for the appointment. I was livid and I don't knows where she got this from. She keeps making appointments to visit our house. She weighed DS at 13 weeks and asked if it was only breast milk he was being fed as now according to the chart DS is obese! DS is happy and exclusively breast fed. She said she might have to put him on special measures! I can't cope with her and at 16 weeks she called to ask how we are. Is this normal?? She's been here 5 times since birth, 3 of those is her inviting herself.

Yes I agree saying your child is obese is wrong. Most HV seem to have very...interesting ideas when it comes to feeding. My dd didn't latch for 6 weeks. In the 5th week she said 'put some jam on your nipple'. I declined.

I didn't have 1 HV. Every time they came it was a different face. But I didn't even HAVE a HV visit until day 12. I'd phoned every day to beg for someone to come.

1 was lovely but the rest were beyond grumpy and rude.

One told me off because my newborn had "gained too much weight" She also wouldn't accept my answer that yes my DH was supportive and kept pushing it saying "Are you getting ANY help from HIM?" For no reason and then saying a doubting "is he?"

I then moved to wales with my second DC and was blown away by how lovely the Hv were.

I did tell her on the last visit that we were happy and getting into some sort of routine so we didn't need any more visits. I called her in the early days and asked her to visit so surely she knows I would call if I needed help with something. in the first 3 weeks I think I went to every bf cafe going

Health visitors have to be degree trained in order to remain health visitors. So those who didn’t have the degree have now all done their additional modules to reach degree level. And the new ones all have their degree and complete their post grad qualification in public health. They are paid a band 6 rate, though in Scotland there is talk of them receiving a band 7 wage as the work they do is so heavy, specialist and difficult.
OP, I’m sorry you feel like yours is giving you a hard time. I wouldn’t invite her over to confront her-i find out who her team leader is and direct your complaint to them. She may be being heavy handed with you and need some guidance from her boss.

Oh and try not to decline any visits/appointments-three do not attends can prompt a letter stating that social work will be involved if you don’t co-operate. That’s the policy in my trust anyway.

I don't think any confrontation will go well and your HV seems a dramalamma so I would, in the best MN tradition, ghost her.

dont be available.
don't engage.
don't answer.

she'll get bored an move on...

I would decline and/or ask for someone else to replace her (but only if you feel a different HV would be helpful for you ofc).

I would also bring up with someone above her that she reported possible DV to your GP based on nothing. That's a very serious allegation she made.

I haven't seen my HV since DD was 4 months old. She's now 15 months. I'm not bothered though. She was nice enough just seemed old fashioned.

Maybe she needs to tick certain professional boxes and you're a nice easy case for her to use to demonstrate her skills in x y z.....

I’d much rather an over involved HV than a can’t be arsed one.
You’re clearly fine but at least she Is on the alert for new mothers who are struggling.

Reassure her that everything’s ok and maybe thank her for giving a shit?

Whatever you do from now on, do it with a paper trail and a non biased witness.

And people who think they'd rather have this than one who doesn't bother have clearly never been at the mercy of a powerful professional who has decided you're harming your child.

I had a hv with ds1 who also told me I needed antidepressants.... after I burst into tears when she told me off for weaning off formula top ups (told I could by the pead at hospital!!)

Told me baby only needed 5 mins of bm and the rest should be formula.

I cried as was exhausted and had tried so hard to wean off tops ups. (My own choice)

She kept calling me and I told her I never ever wanted to hear from her again as she was so unprofessional.

She laughed at me but i never heard from her again.

On dc3 now and I’ve only seen a hv at the initial meeting and then never again.

So just ignore her. Your GP knows you and your baby are just fine.

I’d also make a complaint if you feel up to it. I never did but months later I wish I had.

Good luck with your baby. Precious times with a newborn and don’t let her ruin it!!

Lots of love xxx