Health visitor is stalking us!

[FirstNov2017]

Our HV saw us at a very vulnerable time. DS wasn't breastfeeding well and I was getting extremely worried and down because of it. HV saw us at a weighing when DS was 2 weeks old and he was back to birth weight. I nearly burst into tears. Immediately the HV started saying I need antidepressants and that I'm doing this all on my own as my partner had 2 other kids. Telling me I must be isolated at home. This is bollocks as my partner is hands on and supportive. DS and I go out in the week to various places. HV made me a Drs appointment for antidepressants.

Saw my GP and he saw that I was coping much better as DS was getting fed expressed milk and we had managed to get some sleep. He said I didn't need antidepressants and that he could understand my dread of DS weight loss the week before. When the HV called to ask what my GP said. She seemed disappointed that I hadn't been put on antidepressants. my GP said she had also flagged possible domestic abuse as reasoning for the appointment. I was livid and I don't knows where she got this from. She keeps making appointments to visit our house. She weighed DS at 13 weeks and asked if it was only breast milk he was being fed as now according to the chart DS is obese! DS is happy and exclusively breast fed. She said she might have to put him on special measures! I can't cope with her and at 16 weeks she called to ask how we are. Is this normal?? She's been here 5 times since birth, 3 of those is her inviting herself.

@chibsortig
To go against the grain, my health visitor was lovely. I had visits about as frequently as OP but they were welcome, when I was really struggling she came pretty much weekly and arranged her visits to be as convenient as possible. She was encouraging and positive, suggested some strategies for example to try to get DS to nap somewhere other than me so I could get a bit of a break but accepted when I said they didn’t work. She was realistic and not judgy. I didn’t have PND but was very anxious and knowing I had the support if I needed it helped a lot.
As in every profession there are good and bad HV.

I would be wary about declining her visits tbh!
Yes, this will raise red flags. But as long as you've nothing to hide, give them red herrings to waste their time amd resources. Just be a thorn in their side

I was worried about declining visits but now I just feel she's being intrusive.

Did anyone else get loads of forms to fill in, through the post which you then had to hand in to your HV?
And if anyone has, did they ask any questions about what they do with that information? Unwitting participants in research? Does everyone know about Section 251 of the NHS Act 2006?

I declined in not great circumstances without follow up, if it’s what you want to do I wouldn’t overly worry

Just tell them if you've got any issues you'll contact them

My HV was an absolute gem, as was the district midwife. They both volunteered to come to my house and babysit my 11 month old and 2 year old while I was at my husband's funeral. They had wanted to come to the funeral and pay their respects, but said they felt they could be more use to me as babysitters, bless them. And they never talked bollocks, either.

Well as PP have said, your previous threads don't paint your partner in a good light so I'm not surprised the HV is worried.

I’d put a formal report in about her.

I’d do that because I would worry about how more vulnerable new mums would be when faced with her. (Personally I’d just tell her she was rude, offensive, wrong & misinformed. Or to fuck off. Depends).

I’d also copy in my GP.

HV - I think they vary between ‘worth their weight in gold’ and ‘downright dangerous’ more than any other profession I know.

babdoc. I’m so sorry to hear about your DH 💐. 11 months & 2 years old 😢. But I’m glad you had such lovely support from your HV & DMw.

I got a lot of attention from my health visitor when my dd (middle of 3) was a baby, as she was quite seriously poorly and we were in and out of hospital. Dh and I used to say I was on PND Watch and once everything was resolved she did say that they had been very worried about me (not sure why, as I felt I coped with it all quite well and had lots of support from dh and family). It was definitely all about ME as dd was being seen regularly by various doctors and other health professionals! There must be signs they are trained to look for.

I suspect there is more to this than we are being told, particularly in reference to the DV situation. HV have been cut in most areas and they don’t generally have the resources to be following up on families where there are no concerns and parents can access local clinics etc.

Most health visitors are degree nurses now, even if they trained pre the degree requirements, most have topped up their qualifications by now and many have a public health MSc.

It sounds like she made a professional assessment and suspected you may be struggling with PND. Your GP didn’t necessarily agree but that doesn’t make her wrong. It is part of her role to screen / assess you for PND.

does she know that your dh tried to suggest giving him rusks when he wasnt feeding is she concerned about your relatinship

they dont do this for no reason

Was his relationship that resulted in his other 2 children abusive in any way? Hv’s Really don’t suggest to Gp’s about possible dv unless they are pretty sure. Your gp however was very unprofessional to mention this to you. Has his other children’s mum had issues with your dp? Not necessarily physical abuse, but verbal, emotional, financial, sexual?

@gerdaloveslili @Qcumber my partner not wanting me to have an epidural because he's worried about them doesn't mean he would have stopped me from having one. And he wanted to give DS rusks because that's the advice he got from his mum. What's that got to do with domestic abuse? DS has been exclusively breastfed and the only issue we've had had been about breastfeeding. HV has made comments about him not being here even though he took more time off work after birth to support us. So I don't think she's picking up on anything. I think she's making up a story in her own mind. She told us about her ex husband and the issues she had as if she's projecting that on to us.

I thought all babies lost some weight in the first week or so and then regained it. Well, they did in my day anyway and it wasn't anything to worry about. I would ask to change a HV if I didn't like them or their advice.

The forms you got through the post are for the 1 year or the 2.4 year developmental checks. They're not weird questions, they're questions to make sure your child is developing ok.

Why not copy them off an American website, saves them spending weeks creating their own!

I'm sure she's got better things to do than "stalk" you for no reason.

If you don't feel her visits are necessary you can tell them that. It may flag you up to them but if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about.
I think she's being thorough and that's a good thing. I struggled with PND for 5 months before I dragged myself to the GP to ask for help when it was very obvious I wasn't coping. I wish my HV had been more observant.

My partner is not abusive physically or emotionally. Seems like she's got a picture painted in her mind that simply isn't true.

Seems like she's got a picture painted in her mind that simply isn't true.
Perhaps her partner is abusive, and she's trying to project that on everyone else.

@Qcumber I saw the GP after she made me an appointment. She seemed disappointed that he didn't give me antidepressants. Does that not seem odd to you? Telling me I have no support network even though I do and we get out of the house at least 4 days a week.... HV must have me confused with someone else

Yes, if you find her intrusive, you never have to speak to her again. You can tell the HV team that you no longer require the service and that's the last you'll hear.

I'm really not trying to have a go or anything. I was just saying that I'd rather a HV be looking for these things as it may help other women who need it. You don't need the help and that's fine so you can tell her that. But I think as a whole HV should be asking these questions and helping women find support if they're struggling. Not all women admit they are. I told my HV I was absolutely fine and she took that at face value, if she had proved further she'd have discovered I was certainly not fine.

I would just ask for another one.

We had two HVs in our area. I ended up with the distinctly odd one. The other one seemed so lovely and smiley, and I really wanted her to be our HV.

If you get another one you could end up with someone who you really feel is supporting you. And no matter how good your DH is, you are dealing with a blended family on top of having a new baby, so if you can find good, non-judgemental support it could be great for you.

@Qcumber I wasn't shy in saying that I was finding it worrying in the beginning. I told friends and family and they were great. My concern is that she couldn't be like this with other women at a time when they don't even know what day of the week it is. Imagine if I did listen to her, my child would potentially be on some sort of diet