How can you let your child go to boarding school?

[Jerem]

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

Of the five people I know who went to boarding school:

-One was gay and being horribly bullied and he asked his parents to go to boarding school. It was very hard on the mum, but the best choice in the long run.

-One got involved with the wrong crowd, had a bad run in with the police, and his parents decided that removing him from the situation was the best choice. It was.

-One was a very gifted athlete and the local school didn't have a program that would have helped him reach his full potential, whereas going to boarding school meant he could play for the best junior team in the country. He's now in the NHL and making $3 million a year, and still very close to his parents.

• One was a genius. His parents were extremely poor. Christ's Hospital took him and he went on to Oxford and is now a professor, and, while a little bit eccentric, a stable normal person.

-One's parents were too busy jet-setting and being incredibly wealthy to bother with him and his siblings. Last I'd heard he'd flunked out of uni and was doing cocaine regularly.

From those examples, I would say as long as the reason the child is being sent to boarding school is because the parents love them and want the best, than it's fine. If it's for selfish reasons, than no, but if the parents are that selfish than the kids doesn't have a chance anyway.

People saying the education standards are higher. No it's that you have pass an entrance exam to get in.
They also have terrible record in pastoral care. High poor mental health rates. Fee paying schools value results not happiness as that's what brings them money.

So - op - you imply you are a nurse ? Nursesy nurse here

So rather than boarding school how do you reconcile a great many of your NHS colleagues from the Caribbean leave their children with extended family for years and come to the UK to work - or West Africans who frequently pay for their children to come to the UK to lodge with relatives and get a proper education?

It's so easy to judge one portion of the population isnt it?

And, frankly I'd have concerns about you nursing with such a biased attitude.

Op I clicked on this thread as the idea of boarding school had always horrified me. My eyes have been opened however by the many posters relaying their positive experiences, and I am now thinking it could be an option if our kids were keen. Ironic, no?

@itsbetterthanabox what a strange, judgemental view of fee paying schools you have. You have clearly not actually done any research otherwise you would know that you’re not actually correct. What evidence do you have regarding MH in today’s schools for example?

No entrance exams for any of my DCs (3 different schools). Schools, particularly boarding schools, are well aware of the reputation they have for being a harsh, cold environment- the schools we chose have all openly addressed this over the decades and you could not have a more nurturing environment.

You insult the staff at these schools too. The staff at my DCs’ school are dedicated and kind. We chose the current schools mainly because each of our DCs are very different with different interests and we wanted a school which didn’t just focus on the academic but also encouraged the arts and sports.

I full accept that some schools are too focused (for my liking) on exam results. Plenty are not, though.

For some children with sn it is the only chance they will get of having an independent life or not spending their entire life in institutions. Some children do not have a suitable school just up the road or a hour away even and some children need round the clock specialist support.

There is also very little support for families with children or teens with severe challenging behaviour to enable those children to live at home.

@corblimeyguv I am literally googling boarding schools now thinking about each DC and what might suit them!

@crediton we have been really lucky thanks to DCs work to choose our schools. Our DCs have flourished whilst keeping their feet on the ground (we are an ordinary family). It’s certainly easier for teaching staff to nurture children when it’s 10 in a class.

If you want to think about specifics then feel free to ping me a PM

I meant DH’s work 🤦‍♀️

I'm with the OP on this.

I've only read the first page briefly and a pp has commented about how far the boarding school is away from the family home and thats why her dc is sent there, which 'tore the mum up'.
What I can't fathom out is, why don't people in this situation just up sticks and move house nearer to their chosen school in order to not have their child board?
I'd rather be with my dc every night than live in a preferred house/location.
I'll catch up with the whole thread later. Don't have the time now as will be busy with my dc.

I'm guessing people have had much better experiences of just 'up sticks and move house', than I have, the amount of times it's given as a solution to all problems.

why don't people in this situation just up sticks and move house nearer to their chosen school in order to not have their child board?

Often they have other children that aren't in boarding school and are happy in their school? Also, picking up sticks, finding a job in that area, etc, might not always be possible. Especially if you're in a specialist industry.

Chocca, also busy with my DC so a brief answer- my previous post sets out the scenario of a military family faced with moving to a location with a different curriculum when one of the DCs is shortly taking exams but they have other DCs to think about too. What do they do?

In my case my DH does in humanitarian work overseas and too often it’s in a country unsafe for families. We can’t follow him. My children don’t board (occasional flexi boarding days if I am away with work- which they love because it’s a massive sleepover basically), but that’s because we happen to have a great school on our doorstep along with extended family nearby. Having family close to us is really important and I am lucky to have it all.

It’s fine to say that boarding school is not for you and your family. But please let’s not assume that those who do board are unloved or unwanted children.

God op you are really not even trying to understand the arguments for boarding are you? You have decided it is wrong and that’s that. Why did you post?

FWIW I wouldn’t use a boarding school, I’m quite happy with state education in my area, I can’t afford to if I wanted to.
But I totally get why people do. I always wanted to go to boarding school (watched The Worst Witch one too many times!) and have no issue if people choose to.

Some people don’t understand why I went back to work when ds was 1 and sent him to nursery for other people to “raise” him.
Because it was the right decision for my family at that time (and the only one, because, you know, bills need paying)

I was deeply unhappy at home and school, went to boarding school half way through high school and it was the best thing for me.

I think this is either something you understand or you don’t.

Two of my close friends went to boarding school. Both are lovely people but one was better suited to the boarding lifestyle and thrived whereas the other one found it very difficult.

I think whether boarding school is right for a child and will give them the best education is wholly dependent upon the child in question.

I don’t think you can blanket say that giving up cigarettes and booze to afford the school fees is doing the best for every child. Also, you’d have to smoke and drink a huge amount for that to pay for the boarding fees.....

Maybe people who put their child's needs/wants above their own desire to be with their child all the time send them to boarding school?

I don't send my children to boarding school btw but I would if they really wanted to go and I could afford it. I guess you wouldn't OP no matter how much they wanted to go and would benefit.

Jerem
My life revolves around my children.

Then I suggest you find a hobby.

I agree.

Your children should never have the weight of your happiness on their shoulders.

Jeez, I hate these kinds of super-judgy posts. "Look at me, I'm SUCH a good mum and love my KIDS so much more than YOU evil bitches who farm them out to a school which is practically a concentration camp."

None of mine go to boarding school but I am open minded enough to think of dozens of scenarios where boarding school would be a fabulous opportunity for kids and much better than an alternative, espcially when parents are moving around a lot.

OP you have no desire to learn about this do you? You just want to berate others who aren't, in your mind, as adoring a parent as you are.
This could also be seen as being a goady twat.

Another boarder here. Was the norm where I grew up, rurally in a country of very great distances. In that country many people all leave their children with grandparents in the villages in order to work in the cities and send money home?
Want to judge them too? No minimum wage there but there's always the option of starving.

Choca - so you think that moving potentially 5 times during secondary school, including an overseas stint to a country where you can’t speak the language, would be preferable to most teenagers than going to boarding school? As someone with hugely greater experience of this than you, I can assure you that isn’t the case. I’d agree that it’s perhaps nicer for the parents to drag the kids round with you (something most parents of boarders wouldn’t contest) but not for the children involved. Often sending your children to board in this situation is a selfless act!

Also just throwing into the mix a rural location - in parts of Scotland it's 90 minutes by road to the nearest high school. So children living in remote villages have NO OPTION but to leave for school on a Monday morning and return on a Friday afternoon, boarding during the week.

I suppose though that the OP will be along shortly to say that nobody living in those parts of Scotland either shouldn't have children, should home educate or should abandon their jobs and homes and move.

I understand in circumstances in which children with SEN can only be provided for at a school that is far away and then I think, well firstly how poorly the provision is for some children that this is necessary and secondly, how upsetting it must be for the family.

But outside of that, I'll never get it. Most people in this world would rearrange their lives to keep their children close, sleeping under the same roof and at the centre of their daily lives. And then here are the privileged few, packing a suitcase for their seven year olds with talk of facilities and opportunities.

Yeah, it's a gulf.

What a horrible, goady OP.

Different strokes for different folks.

I used to dream of going to 'Mallory Towers' and still wish I could go to Hogwarts.

Climb down off your high horse OP, the air's quite thin up there and it's clearly affecting your thinking!