How can you let your child go to boarding school?

[Jerem]

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

I don't agree with this argument about jobs. If parents can afford to send their child to boarding school then they can afford for one parent not to work so their child can live at home.

so your solution is that one parent slam it up in a remote area on his own, whilst the other stays home with the kids and next to no money? Sounds wonderful.
I don't even think that it's a wrong choice, but it's up to families to decide what is best for them.

Next people will tell you not to start a career involving traveling because you might have children one day, if you are lucky enough to get married and have no fertility problem.

I think that flexi boarding from about 13 is a fantastic idea, 2 or 3 nights a week to stay at school, do activities, chill with your friends and crack on with some work, brilliant. I also think weekly boarding at 6th form is a great way to grow some independence before university. I am on he fence about full boarding but I can’t see it’s a problem from year 9 although earlier I would prefer weekly

Their are very few reason when I feel I can understand and wouldn’t be judgemental

It’s a very British thing from when the rulling classes were off abroad and is still common in countries we ruled over. Also was used in some countries to teach the indigenous children the right way to be

As for it teaches children to be independent and think for themselves most families manage to to this

And really we only need to look at our last political leader and cabinet surely that alone would be enough to think about sending your child off to boarding school unless the teaching was specific

I think its mainly tradition. If you went and enjoyed it why not send your own children? I see nothing wrong with it for older children. I don’t agree with 8 year olds being sent away, but that’s my personal belief, I wouldnt judge others if they do.

I don't think boarding is the norm anywhere my dad was business, not military. We were in the states for 6 years, home for 2 years, UK for 3 years and then parents went back home and I boarded. It was long periods at a time. It wouldn't have made any sense for my siblings and I to stay at home with our mother for 6 years.

In our case, my dad's company paid for me to board. My parents couldn't have afforded it.

Emmy Dh and I are both from military families and dh was in himself til he retired. Both he and his brother boarded, my brother boarded, and I did at 16. Both my nephews (dbs kids) boarded as he is military too. Ds went at 16. We know lots of military families who do use boarding. It also depends on the posting and the degree of separation involved, and the length of the weekending, six weeking etc. Weekly commuting from another country is not always doable depending where you are in the UK.

The rules for boarding are far more stringent now, and you have to declare your spouse mobile.

Naval families can stay in one place and weekend as we tend to have our own homes, as it's difficult to go to sea with your serving spouse, but it is not always possible for the Army to do this.

My db had three moves within six years up and down the UK, and then one to the Middle East, where his wife could go but there wasn't the educational provision needed for my youngest nephew. He stayed in UK, near his gps, at boarding school, where he had already been since he was 11. He had family on tap if he needed it, and lovely warm holidays.

The idea that the teaching is any better than a state school is bollocks
Some boarding schools are state schools - and they are very good state schools too, because all of the parents researched them to ensure they have chosen the right school for their child. It's not just a random selection of kids who happen to live close by.

Gosh the touchiness on this thread, especially from people to the OP that don’t even send their kids to boarding!

DH went to a private school where there were borders. They weren’t very happy. I think while it’s great some people got a lot out of it, for others it is a negative experince. Just like some parents do it for the right reasons ie they move around a lot.

However, I know of one little girl where the father is in the armed forces and they went to the US putting her in boarding school. Poor thing is distraught and has tried to escape a couple times.

You get the parents who put the foccus firmly on educational needs regardless of the child’s emotional needs and then the kid grows up and resents them.

Some are just rich people too busy with their own lives... the father is a workaholic and never home anyway and the mother is too busy being a socialite. It’s the same as the wealthy parents with 24hr nanny’s. In that case, you do have to ask why bother having kids anyway?

So I can see where the OP is coming from.

I was considering sending my daughter to boarding school, she’s very bright and would have got a scholarship. As it was we ended up moving and got into a good school where she could board but doesn’t. She asked me the other day why I’d never sent her to the original boarding school. She wanted to go.
I too wanted to board but my parents decided it would have been waste of money, in hindsight I think they realise the grave error they made. I’d have loved it though.
I do think op that whilst you’re question is a reasonable one, the way you’ve spoken to people who’ve replied isn’t reasonable. I’ve only read the first page and all your replies so maybe I’ve missed someone winding you up.

I like how posters seem to imagine that they are making life at home idyllic. You might find quite a few teenagers who strongly disagree, being stuck in the middle of nowhere, with 1 hour or so drive to go to school and come back, no friends around, nothing to do when they are home. They are bored shitless and don't enjoy being stuck there.

Not all parents offering the boarding option to their kids live in a buzzing city with endless opportunities and activities!

So your solution is that one parent slam it up in a remote area on his own

Erm, so it's ok for a child to be sent off 'on his/her own' then

And no matter that they're with a number of other people, they are not with their families!

A pp also mentioned that she'd send her child to a boarding school. That's the thing, this poster has already decided what she will do if she has a child, but where is the child's choice on all this?
It's clearly the parents who choose imo . The dc don't get a say.

I was a boarder, my little brother boards currently. Absolutely great.

My grandparents sent my uncles to boarding school because my grandfather was in the navy and they were always moving around. Which is why I also don't understand why you would be in the military and have children. Luckily, when I went to live with them, my grandfather left the navy so I could have "more stability" and I didn't have to go to BS - not that I would have ever gone anyway, I'd have refused, even if my granddad was still in the navy.

youre a fool OP - of course different cicumstances cause such and such to happen. My in-laws were in the military and so he was a boarder from the tender age of 8 - he begged to go. If my children want to go then we will look into it. I think you should stop being so judgemental and caring about why other families do what they do - myob.

I would take boarding school like a slap in the face, all I would see is: "We don't want you here Alpine, and we don't love you enough to sacrifice our careers for your emotional well-being."

Not meant to be cake

What I can't fathom out is, why don't people in this situation just up sticks and move house nearer to their chosen school in order to not have their child board?

Perhaps if you'd gone to a better school you could work it out, since it couldn't be more obvious?

I don’t think anyone is claiming their life is idyllic and teenagers getting bored isn’t that part of teenage life

But sending your child off where they may be more entertained and have a better social life doesn’t replace the security at home

When they are adults they can make that choice but as children no matter how exciting it might seem (as many things do) why would a parent go along with their wishes unless it suits them

Dd boards there’s the option of full time but dd comes home Friday does her part time job on a Saturday or Sunday returning Sunday night
For dd it was crucial as she was being severely bullied
It’s made her more independent and less reliant on me so she’s more prepared for university

However, now she’s in sixth form it is very controlling I.e they have to attend meals and be in certain places at certain times because their ready for university it means most of the boarders are fed up. Dd is also fed up of certain bitchy girls
But it’s more a case of dd is ready to move on kinda thing

It was a very hard decision to send her but ultimately I knew it was best
The arguement of but someone else is raising your child could equally be said about babies who go from 6 months to school in nursery or with a childminder
All parents want to do their best for their child

All children want to do what is best for their children

No they don’t we wouldn’t have so many messed up adults if that were true many are selfish and put their want and needs first

why would a parent go along with their wishes unless it suits them
because that's life, and parents see the big picture, know their own children and try to work out what is best for everyone. You don't have to send your children to boarding school if you don't want to, you don't even have to send them to school. It doesn't mean you have a clue what is best for other families

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

OP, your tone is highly inappropriate and you are clearly attempting to goad others; however, I shall respond...how about wealthy parents, one/both educated in boarding schools and had a wonderful time and went on to have highly successful careers, are well travelled and generally have an amazing life. They have an intelligent, well adjusted child for whom they want the same. Their child is particularly keen on one school they visit, wishes to try out boarding school life and loves it. Parents are very happy to continue to send their child to this school for as long as they wish to stay. Child knows it is loved and hasn't been 'sent away' and leaves school not 'emotionally damaged', going on to have very happy loving relationships and a great career. Grown up child meets man from similar background, and so on. This is a potted description of me and my parents.

Perhaps a broader, more open minded view of the world is what you should aspire to. You don't need to understand it, just accept that other people wish to make different choices to you. I personally don't understand why anyone would send their child to a state school if they could afford private education - I'm not asking for anyone's views on this and as I'm well aware of the reasons people give, I'm stating my opinion, but not judging others for their choices.

why would a parent go along with their wishes unless it suits them

Because its best for the child and good parents put that ahead of their own needs and wishes, where possible.

There’s always going to be a lot of hatred, from people who have insular, steady, stable lives and can’t comprehend that things are very different for other people. Healthy debate is great but some of the posts on here are so ignorant and this thread seems to have been created just to bash parents of boarders. As a large number of U.K. boarders are from military families I also think the level of criticism here is beyond disgusting.

Even if you are against boarding because you love your children much more than the rest of us, would you agree to boarding if:

1. Your child has SEN and the best experience for them will be at a boarding school.

1. You live in the middle of nowhere.

I know of several communities in Scotland where is is normal for all the secondary school children get on a ferry and go to school for the week, coming back on Friday. This has been going on for years, it's state education, and it's what families are used to. Or do you think that families should abandon their farms/ fishing boats/ businesses for six years to move into a town? Where would they live?! Have you ever been to Wester Ross?!

1. your child is extremely talented in music, dance etc. Would you rather that you don't give your child the opportunity because it wold break your heart?

The think that strikes me about those who are rabidly anti-boarding (with no experience of boarding)is a stunning lack of imagination and nuance. Of course boarding at 15 is different from boarding to 9. And there are good boarding schools and bad ones.

However, the OP's, 'I luvs my kiddie sooo much. I couldn't bear to part with them, and anyone who does is a shit parent' is misguided, offensive, and quite stupid.

And also I strongly suspect that the OP will never be a position to send her children to boarding school, so really we should not pay her too much attention.