What (if anything) would you think if none of the adult offspring in a family had chosen not to have children?

[Skarossinkplunger]

Just that really. Neither my sister or I have children, through choice, no fertility issues. A recent conversation with a work colleague has made me question what people thought about it.

l chose not to have children because of the parenting example my mother set me. When l was young she fed me horror stories about childbirth, and when l was 15 she told me not to have children because they're 'nothing but bother'. l'm an only child.
She was jealous of the relationship l had with my dad - when l was 10, we were going out and she said "go on, then, bugger off - leave Cinderella here!"
We had my grandmother living with us, she was in her 70s and very poorly after having strokes. Every time my mother talked about my grandma she referred to her as "my poor mother" but didn't seem to comprehend that we didn't have that same relationship.
She was controlling and narcissistic with me. l don't ever remember being cuddled or told that she loved me. ln fact she told her cousin's son that she'd never told me she loved me but she "didn't need to".
Therefore l grew up feeling that l'd be a terrible mother like l felt she'd been, but now l have stepchildren, they all say they adore me and some of them are even closer to me than their own mothers. l'm very lucky in that respect, that l get the fun bits without most of the responsibility.
l feel like not having children was the right choice for me, and l don't think it should be used as emotional blackmail by people. Having children should be a considered choice. Not something you feel you should do for other people.

That's really sad Katseyes. I think having a difficult upbringing can sometimes make that person determined to be a decent parent and give their children what they didn't have, if that makes sense.
It sounds as though you have a fantastic relationship with your step dcs.

I agree with a pp, it's odd that people generally feel they can pass comment and question a childless adult on their choice.

I think there is a very damaging pervasive view in society that a childfree woman by choice must be some sort of witch and a childfree woman by circumstances (e.g. infertility) is to be pitied.

there are definitely damaging views of women who are childfree by choice

it's really pathetic.

and probably driven by panic of "how do we keep women in their place if they don't want babies".

I would think nothing of it because it's none of my business.

'It also annoys me also when people ask if I'm a career woman, since I don't have children.'

Or tell you you can travel, or to foster or adopt.

Honestly - based on life experience I wouldn't say anything, but I would wonder.

But I'd also keep it to myself, your colleague was rude and unkind.

When I was younger I didn't know the reasons and so took at face value that they just "didn't fancy" having children.

Out of all the people I know who are child free by choice I now know most of them did have unhappy childhoods. And even there in all but one of the cases their sibling/s have had children (that one is an only child). So yeah for 2 siblings to have chosen not to have DC, it would as I say make me wonder.

There's a couple I simply don't know well enough to know what their childhoods were like. And one there's a genetic condition that's behind their decision.

BUT I'm also of a generation where it was fairly unusual still not to have children if you are in a long term relationship. So a fair amount of societal plus family pressure. And I'm aware it's becoming a more acceptable (by society not me) choice so younger women hopefully feel more able to make that choice if it's right for them.

I have a different perspective because I am the unplanned child of a woman who never wanted children (eldest of a big family, wanted a career - which for her generation was seen as mutually exclusive). And who still blames me for changing those plans. So I probably feel more strongly than others that people shouldn't have children unless they genuinely want them.

I'd think you've got sense! 🤣🤣

Yes I agree there's an almost unspoken pressure (assumption?) that a childless woman has to have devoted their life to their career or to be jetting around the world and so on.

I never thought people would give a shiny shit about whether or not another woman has children or not or the reasons behind it. I don't have children. Nor do I have a guinea pig, or a red car, or a wine cellar or any other random thing I can think of. Utterly ridiculous. In these days of contraception, having a child is a choice. I chose not to have children. Just not something I want. Simple as that.

Probably wouldn't cross my tiny mind, but if it did, I would assume that you didn't want or couldn't have children and that would be it really. Done.

My only thought would be a fleeting one to the parents - having three children, they are probably a bit surprised they won't be having any grandchildren. I know a family of 4 children where only one ended up having children of their own. So the grandparents have 4 children and only 2 grandchildren. Probably quite unusual, but I wouldn't assume their childhood had been bad!

I recently heard of 2 siblings, a brother and sister in their 40's, who haven't had children. I only heard about this because their father recently died and the lack of grandchildren were mentioned, but not commented upon. I don't have DC, but my only sibling, DS, has 4. She always wanted them, I didn't. No big deal to me or anyone who knows me. I do wonder why some people become so troubled by this.

I know two siblings who for a very long time it seemed would not have any children. Eventually the brother did bit later than "expected". They had a great childhood, are extremely close, still spend lots of time together.
I know people who had horrific childhoods and were desperate to have kids as soon as they could to provide a loving family.

And of course hundreds in the middle.