Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What (if anything) would you think if none of the adult offspring in a family had chosen not to have children?

115 replies

Skarossinkplunger · 06/03/2018 10:41

Just that really. Neither my sister or I have children, through choice, no fertility issues. A recent conversation with a work colleague has made me question what people thought about it.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 06/03/2018 10:45

I don't think I'd think anything too much about that, to be honest. If a family of 12 siblings had all decided not to have children (as opposed to not being able to) I might think that was commentworthy, but two siblings both coming to the same conclusion, no, I would just think that was one of those things.

What did your colleague say?

Original poster
Skarossinkplunger · 06/03/2018 10:47

When I explained that neither of us wanted children she said “why, was your childhood really that bad?”

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 06/03/2018 10:47

I'd think I should mind my own businesa

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 06/03/2018 10:47

I think people still sometimes have the view that it's somehow selfish for a generation not to provide their parents with any grandchildren - but I do think that's ridiculous. You don't owe grandchildren to anyone and you and your siblings are equally entitled to make the right decisions for yourselves. But I imagine some people would be old fashioned about it!

MysweetAudrina · 06/03/2018 10:48

I would probably think that they didn't want to bring children into this world and that somewhere along life they felt that children were an inconvenience either through their own experience as a child or because they just didn't see it as a priority in their lives and were off doing other things.

Trinity66 · 06/03/2018 10:48

I wouldn't think much about it tbh

TheNecroscope · 06/03/2018 10:50

I agree with Gasp0de, within a family of 2 I wouldn't think anything of it but if all children in a family of eg, 4 decided not to have children I would probably wonder if there was a reason.
I know a lot of child free (by choice) adults so it doesn't appear unusual to me.

AbsolutelyCorking · 06/03/2018 10:50

That would never even occur to me. Your colleague sounds rude, ignorant and condescending.

RefuseTheLies · 06/03/2018 10:52

I would think that they were both very sensible and be a bit jealous Grin

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 06/03/2018 10:54

I would be thinking more risk of genetic disorders if I thought about it at all but I wouldn't ask. That's probably coloured by my own dodgy childhood though which didn't stop me having children.

raisedbyguineapigs · 06/03/2018 10:55

My DB has decided not to have kids. I have. Our childhoods were the same. It's just a decision. No reason why it would be different if both siblings made a decision. 're the 12 children thing. My best friend at school's parents had I think over 10 siblings each. Her parents had one child and I think she had two single child cousins. In that case I assumed the volume of siblings had put them off having more of their own.

MidnightTrain1 · 06/03/2018 10:55

I have 7 siblings. 6 of us have 1 child, 1 has 2 children. Read into that whatever you like Grin

upsideup · 06/03/2018 10:56

I wouldnt say anthing out loud but I would quietly think if both siblings had decided not to have children though choice it may be down to their parents and their childhood (and I am probably wrong most of the time)

CaffeineAndCrochet · 06/03/2018 10:56

I have three siblings and of the four of us, only I have a child and absolutely no intention of having another. My siblings are older and at the moment, it looks like my DD will remain the only grandchild. I do wonder what people think.

Olga81 · 06/03/2018 10:58

Wouldn't make me assume anything.

Amongst friends and family, I know as many people without children as with. My grandad has 8 grandchildren, but only one of them has had children themselves.

Olga81 · 06/03/2018 11:00

And actually thinking about it, it was those people who had difficult childhoods who were keen to have children and create a family of their own, exclusive of their parents. So i definitely wouldn't draw a conclusion that they had difficult childhoods and chose not to have children because of that.

S0ph1a · 06/03/2018 11:02

That would never even occur to me. Your colleague sounds rude, ignorant and condescending

This.

If I did think anything, I would guess that they were independent thinkers who had the courage to swim against the tide and make life choices that were right for them.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 06/03/2018 11:02

Funnily enough I do know a situation where two sisters chose not to and they had a very happy childhood. Their parents are great fun. They just both have really quite deep interests in other parts of their lives and felt that they could pursue them more fully without children and that was what they chose to do. They’re both very happy pleasant people with well rounded lives.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/03/2018 11:04

I wouldn't think anything much at all, but I certainly wouldn't assume it was due to them having had a crap childhood! I wouldn't worry about her, op, she'll be in a minority of one with that viewpoint.

MorningsEleven · 06/03/2018 11:04

Before I went NC with my mother she said that MIL must have given DH and his siblings a terrible childhood because none of his siblings have kids. My mother's a dickhead.

And my MIL loves me because I gave her grandchildren 😃

LaContessaDiPlump · 06/03/2018 11:05

Am I the only one who read the title as a double negative?

None of the adult offspring in a family chose not to have children - surely that means all of the adult offspring in the family DID choose to have children?

I'm easily confused.....

pasturesgreen · 06/03/2018 11:09

I wouldn't really think anything much, but then I'm also childfree and generally not very curious about other people's business.

I can think of at least three sets of siblings I know who all don't have children. Some have volunteered the reason why, some haven't. Your colleague's comment was bang out of order.

thecatneuterer · 06/03/2018 11:10

LaContessa. The double negative got me too. And once I'd sorted that out I would not think anything. Personally I'm always surprised that people actually choose to have children. I really can't get my head round it.

Frustratedboarder · 06/03/2018 11:11

I genuinely wouldn't think anything other than you just weren't a child-oriented family; wouldn't even occur to me that there was a 'reason' tbh!
I would probably personally be a bit sad for your family that your line was ending, weirdly..... Confused it's one of the reasons I had kids! Must be more susceptible to evolutionary triggers than I'd previously thought... Hmm

But obviously as the human race isn't in any immediate danger of becoming discontinued I don't think you have to be feeling under any obligation as long as you are happy! Grin

Disclaimer: apologies if the situation is not through choice.. Flowers

TheRebel · 06/03/2018 11:12

When my friend, who is an only child told me he doesn’t want to have children, the only thing I thought was that each of his direct ancestors back to the beginning of time had had children so he’ll be the last one in the line and his family tree will come to a stop.

But that’s not a good enough reason to have children.

Swipe left for the next trending thread