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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What (if anything) would you think if none of the adult offspring in a family had chosen not to have children?

115 replies

Skarossinkplunger · 06/03/2018 10:41

Just that really. Neither my sister or I have children, through choice, no fertility issues. A recent conversation with a work colleague has made me question what people thought about it.

OP posts:
Frustratedboarder · 06/03/2018 11:13

Ffs just reread op and seen through choice! Blush dozey Cah that I am!!
Soz - as you were. Grin

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 06/03/2018 11:14

Well spotted Contessa you're right it should read All of the offspring choose not to have children..

I think a lot of people can't understand a choice to be childless. It's quite rude to ask why you've made that choice but I suppose there could be a shared reason between siblings, eg abandoned by the mother, abuse or something.
I don't really think it's a work colleagues place to probe though.

wtffgs · 06/03/2018 11:14

I would think absolutely nothing of it.

I have quite a few friends in couples who have chosen not to have kids. None of them seemed that fussed about having their own kids and they enjoy extra disposable incomes, far more leisure time and don't seem as ground down by life in general! Grin

They like mine (in small doses) but don't want their own.

I think your colleague is just odd Confused

SimplyJaded · 06/03/2018 11:17

Two's not very many.

If four siblings had all decided not to have children though I'd probably wonder if they'd had a bad childhood themselves.

RosaDeZoett · 06/03/2018 11:18

I know a family with 2 siblings, both of whom are unable to have kids. They are fine about it (now) But I did wonder if their parents are sad, as pp said, that it's the end of that branch of the family tree.
I also know a family of 6,the 2 boys have kids, the 4 girls do not, through a combination of choices and circumstances. I wonder does that mean anything....?

HairyToity · 06/03/2018 11:19

I would think nothing about it.

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 06/03/2018 11:21

I would think you had your head screwed on Grin

Seriously though, I really wouldn't think about it.

TheWizardofWas · 06/03/2018 11:21

Not remarkable. I know sveral families like this. Maybe if it were 3 who decided not to, I might think, wonder how the parents feel. Would probably assume they were all professional and immersed in their jobs,

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/03/2018 11:21

Making a flip remark like that not knowing whether that applied to you was crass.

It's not really anyone else's business, but when that's been broached by someone I knew, I privately hoped it wasn't something denied them by any medical or financial reasons. Not every woman wants a baby, not every couple wants a child, they are often happy as they are.

GrannyGrissle · 06/03/2018 11:22

DSis1and2 and i had never bred until i accidentally did 4 years ago (wouldn't change her for the world). We had a seriously shitty childhood though parents are fab now and all pretty functional. We are all late 30s upto 40s age wise so unlikely this will change.
I would never have thought to question childless folks' motives and certainly wouldn't have thought 'crap childhood'. More likely i'd assume they enjoyed work and each others' company and probably love travelling, having spare cash and a house which is shipshape as do my DSIS

Amanduh · 06/03/2018 11:22

Most people I know would probably (in private, although some insensitive ones) would wonder why, or think you had fertility issues.

I’m not saying that’s how it shoud be, but I seem to find most people would naturally be curious. I think it’s the way the human race is set up.

MrsOvarall · 06/03/2018 11:25

Honestly, I would feel sorry for the parents if they were looking forward to grandchildren. But I'd not have an opinion about their kids choosing not to have kids themselves. Providing grandchildren is not a good reason to have children.

Contesse · 06/03/2018 11:25

I'm childfree by choice, my sister who has kids might well have made the same decision, as might more siblings had there been any.
I know one group of siblings who didn't due to a genetic thing. Another group of four sisters who just happened to all meet partners later in life so didn't. But I wouldn't overthink it too hard.

KanyeWesticle · 06/03/2018 11:26

Two children... not much. It's just two women who made the same choice from a 50:50 chance.
Like getting tails twice in a row on a coin.
4 siblings, or so, and it'd be more notable.

FizzyGreenWater · 06/03/2018 11:27

I wouldn't think anything of it.

morningconstitutional2017 · 06/03/2018 11:29

There's usually a reason for making a choice but it's not necessarily because of anything sinister or tragic.

I decided not to have children for many reasons, just one of them was due to a not particularly happy childhood.

There were five of us (with big gaps - the eldest was leaving home as the youngest was due) and I know that I couldn't bear the amount of noise and chaos that often goes with families.

I enjoy the peace and quiet that goes with being child free.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/03/2018 11:31

“why, was your childhood really that bad?”

How fucking rude is that? Shock

I wouldn't think anything

DancesWithOtters · 06/03/2018 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frasier · 06/03/2018 11:35

I think people judge you from their own experience.

So my ILs (have multiple children very early, SIL pregnant at school, MIL a grandmother when her peers were still having their own children, SIL's eldest daughter's ambition is "to leave school and have a baby to make mum proud" Confused) would think you had fertility issues or were just plain weird!

Whereas my side would not think anything of it at all, plenty of adults with no children on my side and the majority who have chosen to have them had them later in life and just one or two.

If I look at my friends (not school parents, people I have known since before I had DS) I know more people without children than with. My background is very academic and most of my friends come from the same field. Don't know if that makes a difference.

DancesWithOtters · 06/03/2018 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueskyinmarch · 06/03/2018 11:39

O don't think my 2 DDs will ever have children and I and completely happy with that. We brought them up to feel free to follow their own paths and be true to themselves. I want to see them happy and thriving in their lives whatever that entails - Career, travelling, studying and only to have children if it is truly what they want.

Riverside2 · 06/03/2018 11:39

same here OP

yes we have been told "didn't your parents want grandchildren"?

my sister is polite and says nothing

I say "well their made their own choice having children in the first place, they created human beings, not puppets who were going to be operated by string".

I sometimes go further and say our parents owe us by making the selfish choice to have children and from now on I'm also going to point out - overpopulation.

occasionally if someone really won't let it drop I pull out "your parents ruin the first half of your life and your children ruin the second" and then add that actually there was no way I was having the second half of my life ruined and looking after elderly parents is quite hard as well.

I didn't get everything right in my life but thank Ctlthulu (sp?) every day that I didn't have children.

LaContessaDiPlump · 06/03/2018 11:40

Thanks guys Blush

It sounds like your colleague is being defensive op, and like she can't imagine why on earth anyone would not choose to breed. As someone with two 'spirited' children I must say there's something to be said for your view Grin

DancesWithOtters · 06/03/2018 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feckitall · 06/03/2018 11:46

My aunt was childless, I have 1 DB...he and his DW are childless. I have 3 DC, 1 has 3 DC, whole thread on its own the other 2 are childless and have no interest in having DC. They didn't have 'bad' childhoods. I hope they don't think they did anyway..

My DGM didn't understand my DB getting married, she didn't see the point if they weren't going to have DC..