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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not tip?

163 replies

Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 20:55

Why do we feel the need to tip waiters/waitresses and hair dressers but not other workers on the lowest wage?

I agreed with tipping before their pay was brought in to line with the NMW (as it was at the time) but now it feels wrong to tip them but you don't tip the cleaner who cleaned that restaurant who is on the same wage.

AIBU? Who do you tip and why?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 22:11

@judydreamsofhorses

Sick isn't it? We are preconditioned to tip certain people on the same wages.

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 05/03/2018 22:17

Usually tips are pooled and shared out between all the staff

Original poster
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 22:19

We always tip when we can and when the service was good, because we want to and we can afford to. I can understand though why you wouldnt want tip someone on the same or higher wage than you and you dont have to there is no law on tipping but why begrudge others who want to

When you can, what does that mean?

I earn a fair amount, how can I pay a cleaner, a carer, a checkout operator or a nurse as examples a tip?

OP posts:
Ilovelblue · 05/03/2018 22:19

I don't tip my hairdresser or my beauty therapist as they both own their own businesses.

I will tip in restaurants but only for good service. I won't do it as a matter of course. I have a friend who will tip in restaurants regardless of service and tries to pressurise me to do the same if we happen to be out together. We were abroad in the summer and our coffees worked out at £5 each (extortionate with the euro exchange rate!) and even though the service was very lacklustre, she wanted to tip. I said I would pay the £5 but they weren't getting any more for sullen, almost ignorant waiters.

I should probably tip my postman come to think of it as he is a very friendly soul and will go the extra mile by hiding my parcels in a very safe place if I'm not around. Also my milkman who is very conscientious and milk is always there in the morning, even with the dreadful weather we had last week.

LemonysSnicket · 05/03/2018 22:21

Also, everyone’s argument seems to be ‘if you can’t tip everyone then we should tip no one ’ which leaves the low paid workers with less money ? So it’s not about altruism really is it?

jasmin93 · 05/03/2018 22:22

My DH and I are running our own restaurant in north London.
We give the tips to every single member of staff (incl. Washing up, cleaner, kitchen staff and waiters). It's being calculated every month and given with their wage package as a bonus for their good work.

I do not understand some people who think that the tips would not go to the staff.
If you are unsure before you tip, ask your waiter. I am sure they will tell you the truth.

Original poster
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 22:23

Usually tips are pooled and shared out between all the staff

In the very few professions where tips are collected in the UK.

To my very limited knowledge though I believe cleaning staff aren't included?

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 05/03/2018 22:23

Because when I was a waitress often the tips wouldn’t go to the staff ^ I shoved them in my knee high boots instead of handing them over.
Just because you don’t take them doesn’t mean many places don’t either

CadyHeron · 05/03/2018 22:24

They aren't paid much considering the shit they often have to put up with.

I used to work in the public complaints department in a well known place.
Paid peanuts, but the amount of shit you had to put up with and hear was unbelievable.
Why are some jobs "worthy" of having tips thrown at them but not others?

upsideup · 05/03/2018 22:24

When you can, what does that mean?
I earn a fair amount, how can I pay a cleaner, a carer, a checkout operator or a nurse as examples a tip?

Thats what I mean, I tip when and where I can. You are not welcomed to tip for those proffesions and I suspect they are not allowed to accept cash anyway but we do thank them by buying a gift for example.

SistersOfPercy · 05/03/2018 22:25

I tip in restaurants because dd worked as a waitress for a while, she was 17 so low wage, worked her arse off and had to deal with some vile customers. A few tips here and there meant a lot to her.

Sparklesocks · 05/03/2018 22:27

I think it’s a nice thing to tip servers, who have brought you nice food and been helpful and attentive to make a nice evening. Similarly taxi drivers who have helped with heavy bags, or a bar person who served you quickly all night.
I used to work in a busy bar/nightclub when I was 21 and i didn’t get many tips, but people bought me drinks and I’d have the cash instead - and it really helped fill out my small wages and it would be a big chunk towards my groceries that week, or a gas bill.
The general public can be really tough to work with, they can be rude or entitled, swear, shout, threaten violence etc - some people think if they’re getting a service then the people providing that are beneath them. Service roles can be tough (I believe everyone should try them once) and a few extra quid here and there is a nice gesture.
I’m not saying everyone has to tip, and yes there is a discussion about who is most ‘deserving’ etc - but I am happy to do it.

Original poster
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 22:29

Also, everyone’s argument seems to be ‘if you can’t tip everyone then we should tip no one ’ which leaves the low paid workers with less money ? So it’s not about altruism really is it

Correct, we should be pushing for the employers to pay more to everyone not just waiters etc.

OP posts:
Judydreamsofhorses · 05/03/2018 22:32

blackteadrinker thinking about it more, I am minded to “reward” someone who’s given me really good service in some way. I had a load of dental problems last year, and as a nervous patient it meant a lot that my dentist was so kind and accommodating. At my last appointment before Christmas I brought in a tin of biscuits and a box of chocolates for the staff room. My dentist earns a lot more than me. Similarly, I had amazing customer service from Whistles who tracked down an item and had it sent to me when it was out of stock almost everywhere, and I sent a card in to the head office praising the lady who had been so helpful.

Unihorn · 05/03/2018 22:38

Restaurant workers put up with a lot of shit, more so than in retail, because hungry people are incredibly angry people. I've worked in the industry for 8 years and have cleaned shit and sick from toilets, stayed for several hours after closing when customers decided they didn't want to leave, waited for my team who have been fucked all night to finish cleaning because the dishwasher decided to breakdown halfway through the night and noone could come out for days to fix it etc. I'm a manager so am salaried and enjoy my job despite this, but the way the general public speak to restaurant staff is often fucking horrendous.

One woman called me fat and spotty because I wouldn't discount her bill after she ate her entire meal; I was very obviously about 7 months pregnant at the time. This weekend our team battled in through the weather and were still moaned at by people who wanted their food in ten minutes despite the fact that we were on a skeleton staff in a red warning area and had only just managed to open.

When I worked in retail I never dealt with anything anywhere near as bad as I've had to in bars and restaurants.

SpringEquinox · 05/03/2018 22:38

Tipping at the hairdresser used to be an fixed and expected etiquette - a small amount to the girl who washed your hair, something else to the one who brought your coffee, something else for the colourist ( if applicable) and then a major tip to the stylist. I sort of understood it because a family friend was apprenticed as a trainee hairdresser ( her parents had to pay premium for her to be taken on and trained , as was the system then ) and she earned a pittance.

I first started to baulk against it when my long term stylist had an ever increasing chain of salons and their own brand products and a school etc. He was even only charging me ' mates rates ' in appreciation of my early support so it was a bit silly for me to then tip him or any of his adequately paid West End staff.

Years later, my good local hairdresser became a self employed mobile one, so I pay her what she asks, so tipping would be odd. My daughters
never tip hairdressers and find it odd that some older people still do.

I tipped someone today, though - a woman who has a tiny but clean and tidy little slice of a shop, doing threading and wax for eyebrows etc. She is great at her job, charges much less than the local going rate so I usually round up the total.

caringcarer · 05/03/2018 22:40

I tip cab drivers, waitress/waiters if they offer good service which is most of the time, my hairdresser, and any delivery driver who is delivering a really heavy item such as furniture or a new worktop and takes it to the room of my choice, and at Christmas I tip Postman and binmen. If I could not afford to tip or had bad service I would not though.

Bluntness100 · 05/03/2018 22:41

I always tip taxi drivers, food delivery people, in restaurants and cafes, my hairdresser, the girl who washes my hair, and if staying for an extended period in a hotel I tip housekeeping by leaving some money on the pillow.

Other professions it's not the done thing to tip, like retail staff or nurses. Maybe buy them a box of chocolates if you feel they did more than ring up your purchases in the first instance or were very caring in the second. I wouldn't hand them a couple of quid.

Tipping is a thing in the uk. Proclaiming it's not or shouldn't be is ridiculous, because it just is. I don't know anyone who doesn't tip in the scenarios I do and I'd think they were a right tight arse if they didn't and the service was good.

Trying to argue you don't tip because other more worthy people don't get tipped is simply an exercise in justifying why you tip absolutely no one and makes no sense.

It's fine to say I don't want to, I'm tight or can't afford it. But at least own it.

AnnabelleLecter · 05/03/2018 22:54

We always tip in restaurants and cafes. Also my hairdresser and taxi drivers.
We often go on cruises for our holidays and we tip the housekeeping staff and restaurant staff extra even if tips are already included.

Itsimpossibleonnmw · 05/03/2018 22:57

Our tips add around £1K to me and my husband's take home pay each month.

If most of our customers were as tight as some of you guys upthread we would be looking for another career pronto!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 05/03/2018 23:41

Restaurant workers put up with a lot of shit, more so than in retail, because hungry people are incredibly angry people.

And yet, fast food restaurant staff have to put up with the exact same (if not much worse because of the low opinion people have of those who work there), but don’t get tipped.

It’s hypocritical. If you tip one NMW sector you should tip another.

saoirsesoige · 06/03/2018 00:09

I tip in restaurants solely for the reason that it is very socially unacceptable to not tip. I am aware of the screaming illogicality of it all

This exactly. Very well put.

CadyHeron · 06/03/2018 00:14

Tipping is a thing in the uk. Proclaiming it's not or shouldn't be is ridiculous, because it just is.

No,it really isn't. I never tip,and always get great service regardless! It's not expected. (Unless you go to London and they definitely expect a tip for doing their job there.)

Bouledeneige · 06/03/2018 00:52

I tip taxis, restaurants (if service is not included) and the nail bar.

My friend tips the Tesco delivery man and the takeaway delivery guy. I've never done that. Or for furniture deliverers.

I loved going to Australia where tipping is not a thing but hated the expected 15-20 percent in the US.

Obi1Kenobi · 06/03/2018 01:16

You tip the person that serves you directly, anything below 10% of your bill is disgusting unless you weren’t satisfied with the service in which case you complain in the spit. If your server was good tip them anyway even if the food is shit. We work damn hard to please everyone. We don’t cook, prepare or make the food. Everyone else behind the scenes gets their set minimum wage and if they are lucky tips gets shared amongst all staff. Don’t see why this would ever be something to worry about.