Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH if he discussed rent with his brother

103 replies

Scabetty · 04/03/2018 21:18

I will keep this brief without drip feeding. DH bought his parents’ council house for them in Glasgow back in the 90s. His mother passed away ladt year and before she dued his brother had left his wife and moved back with his mum. His wife and teenager still live in the family home.

DH visited his brother this weekend and said he would raise subject of rent. DH doesn’t want to sell and is happy for brother to stay with a small rent.

He has just returned and I asked if he got a chance to discuss it all. He basically said it is none of my business and he will discuss it when he is ready in a few more months.

So, it is none of my business?

OP posts:
littlemissrain · 04/03/2018 21:20

No, definitely your business. YANBU.

He is being very unreasonable.

Trinity66 · 04/03/2018 21:23

Maybe he did mention it and got a bad reception and that's why he's gotten defensive about it? It sounds like a very rude reply to your question though which is not an unreasonable one to ask.

ButteredScone · 04/03/2018 21:24

I see both sides. The relationship with DB isn’t but the money is.

Whatever your BIL should be paying is money out of your whole family income. I.e if the rent would be £300 a month then that’s £3600 a year that you and your family don’t have.

Now, that’s absolutely fine if that is how you guys want to do things. But you should be part of the conversation.

Hont1986 · 04/03/2018 21:25

Were you together when DH bought the house in the 90s?

iheartmichellemallon · 04/03/2018 21:27

Definitely your business given you're married. I'd be very upset by that response.

Alabama3 · 04/03/2018 21:28

all depends on if you need the money or not and how well off bil is

if you don't need it, and bil is not well off then thats ok

however if you need the money/ bil is loaded then you should get some rent

and it is your business as.you are marries

Original poster
Scabetty · 04/03/2018 21:29

Dh was still paying the mortgage on the property when we married.

OP posts:
LizzieCorday · 04/03/2018 21:33

Is he paying a mortgage now though? It wouldn't have cost much then and it was a long time ago. If there is no mortgage then he probably doesn't want to make a profit off his brother, and its not really your business then.

Trinity66 · 04/03/2018 21:34

so when you say your Dh bought it for his parents do you mean he owned it but let them live there or did he put it in their names?

Shedmicehugh · 04/03/2018 21:38

Maybe everyone is still hurting a bit after mum passing?

Not sure why he is saying none of your business? He should discuss whatever the outcome with you. Does he feel under pressure?

SleepFreeZone · 04/03/2018 21:41

I suppose it is your business of the house is a marital asset however the fact he is so secretive about it would make me wonder why.

LIZS · 04/03/2018 21:43

Whose name was the house registered to on purchase and did pils leave a will?

bridgetoc · 04/03/2018 21:44

I'd keep my nose out for now if I was you..........

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/03/2018 21:45

I never understand married couples keeping secrets from each other. But no, this is between him and his brother, it isn't your business as such.

Who actually owns the house?

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/03/2018 21:46

I suppose this depends a bit on your financial setup. If you generally have separate money and your DH bought his parents' house with separate money, then it isn't really your business any more than anything else he does with separate money is.

If your finances are joint then it's an asset and definitely your business. But this is also a family matter and talking about it as though it's just a hard-hearted business decision would be insensitive and unreasonable. You'd need to tread a bit softly.

Married3Children · 04/03/2018 21:53

Well you are married, it’s joint finances AND you helped paying the mortgage when you first got married.
So in that point of view, the asset is both yours and it is your problem too.
He also talked to you about asking his dbro to pay rent. So it sounds normal for you to ensuite hiuw things went. His reaction sounds out of place in this context (wouod have been different if he had never raised the issue or if you had said the bro shouod pay but he didn’t oyswim)

On his pov, I suspect that either he talked to his dbro and it created issues.
Or he felt very uncomfortable about raising the issue so is chickening out and doesn’t dare saying so.
Either way, this will explain his reaction/aggressivity when he was quite happy to talk to you about it in the first place.

BackforGood · 04/03/2018 21:55

Does depend on quite a few things - as others have asked. Mainly what your financial situation is.... does £4k or whatever make a big difference to your family or not?.... how long ago his parents passed away ?...... what the agreement was with his parents whilst they were there...... what their wills said....... what his rother's circumstances are, etc.
In many ways a conversation between your dh and his brother is fine to be private, but if it impacts on your family finances, then you ought to be part of it.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 04/03/2018 21:55

If he's not still paying a mortgage then I'd not be charging family rent unless I really needed too. He's lost his mum and you are more concerned about money it seems.

Married3Children · 04/03/2018 21:56

Btw, when you are married, there is NO separate money going on.
There might be in the head of people and some people thinking ‘it’s MY money so I can do whatever I like’ butbthe reality is, it isn’t.
If one person in a married couple creates debts, they are both liable. If one person gets an inheritance, it will be shared.
If one person makes a will, they can do it over their half of the assets.
And if they were to get divorced, that flat wouod be taken into account as an asset in the marriage, dashed in half.
(I know there are some variations on that, mainly linked to the length of the marriage etc... but you get the idea)

Original poster
Scabetty · 04/03/2018 21:59

To answer a few questions: joint finances, no mortgage on parents’ house now, was bought in parents’ name but the will named dh, bil is saving money monthly to buy his own flat but has no real time limit on that. He thinks once his youngest dd reaches 18 (3 years) his wife will have to sell house.

Extra money would help as dd is off to uni this year.

OP posts:
andijustthought · 04/03/2018 21:59

I'd probably not mention it again for a while. He may still be grieving for his mum.

However, his brother should be paying something even if it's a token amount

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/03/2018 22:03

If one person in a married couple creates debts, they are both liable. This NOT legally true, personal debt is just that, personal. Your partner is not legally responsible should you default. Where do people dream up this stuff?

andijustthought · 04/03/2018 22:03

Also, if something breaks or goes wrong in the house that requires fixing and spending money, who is responsible for that? If it's your DH, then he needs to be charging something to cover that eventuality

Original poster
Scabetty · 04/03/2018 22:03

Married, I suspect you are right about backing out of the discussion.

Yellow, I really am not interested in the money but he was the one saying he was having the conversation so I asked how it went. Big error!

OP posts:
hula008 · 04/03/2018 22:03

Did his parents pay rent to him?