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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask DH if he discussed rent with his brother

103 replies

Scabetty · 04/03/2018 21:18

I will keep this brief without drip feeding. DH bought his parents’ council house for them in Glasgow back in the 90s. His mother passed away ladt year and before she dued his brother had left his wife and moved back with his mum. His wife and teenager still live in the family home.

DH visited his brother this weekend and said he would raise subject of rent. DH doesn’t want to sell and is happy for brother to stay with a small rent.

He has just returned and I asked if he got a chance to discuss it all. He basically said it is none of my business and he will discuss it when he is ready in a few more months.

So, it is none of my business?

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 04/03/2018 22:35

So house is not costing you or your dh anything at present? It’s just not benefiting you either?

There's the opportunity cost, though. Obviously the OP and her DH could be getting market rent for it if the BIL wasn't there. Or sell it and reinvest the proceeds elsewhere.

Original poster
Scabetty · 04/03/2018 22:37

Mil had carers visiting her twice a day for years so bil didn’t provide care. Her eldest son and wife did the shopping/popping in as they live nearby. We are a few hours away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scabetty · 04/03/2018 22:39

SpringEquinox, I will respect his decision but feel it is unacceptable for him to say it isn’t my business to ask the outcome of a Discussion that he told me he planned to have.

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 04/03/2018 22:40

Who legally owns the house? If it was a council house sale, then only the tenants would be able to buy it. If the house is therefore in the parents' names it won't belong to your DH at all. It may well be part of the estate and therefore the DB (and any other siblings) would have a share.

(Been through this whole horrible process with a GP's council house bought by my aunt, and an almighty battle broke out with the other siblings)

Shedmicehugh · 04/03/2018 22:47

Yes Natalia I totally get that. The house is theirs (OP & her DH, no disputing that fact)

I’m just suggesting emotions are probably still quite raw, relationships can be quite strained and maybe monetary gain could take a back seat for a few days, given OP’s DH got back today.

WooWooSister · 04/03/2018 22:49

His response wasn't ideal but if you have a good relationship usually then I'd cut him some slack. He's obviously feeling pressured about the house and that's unfortunate since he's also still grieving.

letsdolunch321 · 04/03/2018 22:56

Of course BIL swerved the discussion of paying rent - he is happy with the situation.

Probably paying maintenance/bills on martial home, he doesn't want to pay more. Leave DH to sort it.

Shedmicehugh · 04/03/2018 23:09

Scabetty even though BIL might not have provided care as carers came in twice a day. I’m sure it was a bit more involved than that.

I had my terminally ill mum living here with me. Carers came twice a day to wash and dress her/get her ready for bed, literally 10 mins a day. It was much, much more involved than that.

Maybe your dh feels he ‘owes’ his brother something? As he couldn’t be there.

LizzieCorday · 04/03/2018 23:34

So any rent he took from his brother would be pure profit? And you'd obviously pay all taxes and do everything required of you as landlords?

Maybe he just doesn't want to make money from his family? Many of us wouldn't. And as a pp says, since usually only the tenants can purchase the property from the council, is the house even his?

lalalalyra · 04/03/2018 23:40

Did your MIL leave your BIL, and any other siblings, anything in the will? In Scotland you can't disinherit your offspring. So perhaps combined with the dodginess of the situation (lots of people did it at the time, but it doesn't make it any less dodgy) there might be some ill feeling between BIL that your DH is tryingt to deal with appropriately.

When this happened in my family it caused a huge amount of bad feeling as the parents got a 70% discount. In the end to save his siblings contesting it all the way the son had to accept that he owned 30% and his parents 70% and that 70% was then split equally between he and his siblings.

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 00:12

OP caring for my mum caused a great deal of tension between my sister and I (I cared for my mum, in my house, nothing to do with who owned what etc)

I always thought my sister could have done more to help. Although my sister didn’t think she should have at the time. I know once my mum was gone, she felt very guilty and realised she could/should have done much more.

There is a huge amount of care involved, which certainly involves more than just carers twice a day and someone doing food shopping, believe me! I cannot even begin to express, how difficult it is. My sister looking from the outside in, rarely being involved in her care, thought it was quite simple too! Until she tried to help me out one weekend!

Please consider the emotional impact here.

Ariela · 05/03/2018 00:18

If the house was in your DH's parents name, did they actually leave a will (even though your DH was paying the mortgage...)

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 00:24

Op has said her dh was left the house in the will

LizzieCorday · 05/03/2018 00:27

Op has said her dh was left the house in the will

Then if DH got the house and BIL got zip, he probably thinks that its totally inappropriate to charge him rent and make a profit out of his brother.

You know, like any normal person would.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 05/03/2018 00:34

Then if DH got the house and BIL got zip, he probably thinks that its totally inappropriate to charge him rent and make a profit out of his brother.

Even though the DH bought the house with his own money? DH is just getting his money back. BIL on the other house is saving money to buy a house while avoiding paying housing costs. What a prince.

AvoidingDM · 05/03/2018 00:46

Carers twice a day for 10mins don't do an awful lot.
Have you tried to prepare & cook a meal in 10mins? Its barely enough time to make a cup of tea. Who did the shopping, cleaned the house did the garden?

DH will make a tidy profit out the house when he comes to sell given it was probably purchased with 70% discount. That PIL paid rent for years to get. I'm thinking it's inappropriate to charge his DB much more than a token rent.

LizzieCorday · 05/03/2018 01:00

Even though the DH bought the house with his own money? DH is just getting his money back

He would have got a massive discount based on the parents tenancy, so he bought it with only a bit of his own money and stands to make a lot.

Few people would seek to also make a profit from their sibling as well.

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 05/03/2018 01:07

have you thought that maybe they did discuss it and the discussion didn't go well??

SunshineAfterRain · 05/03/2018 01:12

Op do you rent your house/ have a mortgage?
Ituld be very unfair for you to have expenses and bil only pays utility's.
The house is a joint married asset so it's up to you both to discuss it together. Especially when he brought it up to you first.
Bil may be refusing to pay.

DalekDalekDalek · 05/03/2018 01:23

It is entirely possible that they did talk and argued about it or that your DH just doesn't feel ready to discuss it with his DB yet. It's not an excuse for his behaviour towards you but we often take things out on the people we are closest to.

I think, if I was you, I would let this one lie for a bit longer. Sounds like it is all very sensitive (six months isn't long after a death) and you need to allow them a bit of space.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 05/03/2018 02:11

Few people would seek to also make a profit from their sibling as well.

That's exactly what the brother is doing.

LadyLapsang · 05/03/2018 07:23

What price was the house when your DH bought it and what is it's value now / how much would it's value be on the open market?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/03/2018 07:56

It’s going to be a difficult discussion and your DH knows this. The reason he was able to buy the house is because their parents occupied it. He will have got it at a significant discount under the Right to Buy scheme. Leaving the house to him was the bargain he made with his DP.

But this does mean he benefited from your PIL in a way his DB didn’t. Your DH may therefore feel guilty about charging his DB rent at all.

I think it’s more important to establish the BIL’s long term plans, as it looks like he intends staying till he gets some money out of the marital home. That could take years.

See if you can have a more general discussion about the situation focusing less on the money and more on how he sees the house being used. Strictly speaking it’s a marital asset so YANBU to want to discuss it, but unless the rent would make a big difference to your finances I would leave the decision to him as there are family feelings involved. Make it clear you support him but would just like to be included in his plans whatever they are.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 05/03/2018 07:58

Sorry x posted with lots of others.

CoffeeOrSleep · 05/03/2018 08:32

How about you say to your DH its unfair to except your BIL to decide to offer, and you should decide between you two as a couple a range of options you can offer to BIL to pick from, perhaps best sent as an email so that he's got time to read through and decide what he'd like to do.

I'd say options including,

Option 1, would BIL like to buy the house off you and DH, if that's the case, could you 'split the difference' between it's current value and what DH paid (total of what the house cost you and DH, the purchase price, plus interest costs), so that both of them benefit from this arrangement - BIL doesn't have to pay full market rate for a house, your DH benefits from the risk he took for his parents. If this option is taken, then BIL has to have a set time to arrange mortgage etc.

Option 2 would BIL like to just rent the property from you ? If so, you'll give him a discount on the market rent of a similar property, but want a proper tenancy agreement and you will taken on repairs etc as a proper landlord. You can offer another 2/3 months rent free to get used to this shift.

Option 3. Bit of both, agreement to rent for a year then buy it from you.

Option 4. He doesn't want to live there long term, so another 2/3 months rent free until he can line up another property to move to.

All of these options sound fair, you can put a time limit on the rent free times so you aren't saying "pay rent this month" - helps your DH not feel he's taking the piss, allows you to spell out what you are offering to BIL and makes him engage with you.

In the message your DH can say that you don't want to throw him out, and don't want to rip him off, but it's been a year and you need to be able to plan one way or another, if he is planning to leave the property soon (as in the next 6 months), you both need to discuss what to do with it then. (rent or sell), so would like to know.