Private school

[Shiningbrightly1]

Name changed for this....

Please hit me with your pros and cons of private school for people who are "working class" I hate to even talk about a "class" but it's the only way I can think to describe it. We would be scrimping and saving to put our 1 DS through private school nursery with a view to him continuing through the school years there too. We'd have family support both with the decision and financially but I'm worried about coming across as a snob to our other family and friends, and I'm worried our DS will get bullied because he is not going to be in the latest trainers with the latest iPhone etc etc in the future. Is private school really like This? My husband is hesitant about this idea but I think we're using our own views and pre conceived ideas as a negative. So torn. DS is 1 so nursery planning is upon us and thinking further ahead to schooling. So AIBU to want to send my DS to nursery and then school via a private school??

Thank you all I have not forgotten my thread just been very busy I will read through an digest then come back!

This thing about snobbery - you know, although there are some snobs in all walks of life, I think that this sense of feeling like someone else is looking down on you all the time, is often imagined and some people are more prone to feeling like this than others - which explains why even in the same school people can feel they have had very different experiences.

Some people are very aware (and bothered) by having less money or a different background to others - they are hyper sensitive to things others say or do - and often read judgement or snobby attitudes into the behaviour of others, where it isn't often there. Other people have exactly the same amounts of money and background, but don't get this sense of being judged or looked down at for their car or their house or their background, perhaps because they simply aren't that bothered about those things and don't place those things very highly themselves, so aren't looking for people to be critical of them.

All I can say about this, is that it is worth being aware of yourself and which kind of person you are OP, in terms of whether you are likely to feel people are snobby towards you or not. This will depend on how confident you feel in yourself and whether being with people who perhaps have more money than you, or a different background will make you feel judged or looked down on. If you think you might be in the latter camp and particularly if your child has picked up on these kind of feelings and taken them in themselves, then being in an Independnet school might be difficult. If however, you have a sense that you are as good as anyone and that your and their value isn't related to how much money you have or your backgrounds and you approach and expect to be approached as an individual in a world where most people are nice and decent and easy to get on with....you will be absolutely fine. Anyone entering a new schoolsas a parent at any type of school does better in my view, when they are friendly and open and simply expect others to behave in the same but if there is an expectation that other people might not treat you like that, you start to see or perhaps imagine people excluding or being unfriendly or snobby or whatever.

Just an observation, in light of many of the comments on this thread and being the poorer person or person from a different background.

I'm worried about coming across as a snob to our other family and friends

This is something you should consider. In my experience there was no bullying at my private school because of what my family could not afford. But there was a huge amount of bullying from my community from both adults and children because I was then viewed as "different/a snob/posh". I was ostracised from a close knit community from the age of 7 and outside of school I was very lonely. I had a great education but I missed out a lot at home.

That's very interesting.
I guess that if you are part of a community which has a narrow experience of life and is suspicious of other experiences, choosing a different experience can be regarded as a betrayal or evidence of implicit criticism of the original experience and the people within it. They then may find themselves excluded from the community as a way of voicing their hurt/annoyance/refusal to accept other alternatives . Some people might experience this from a wider community and others from family members.
I think it depends on how closely tied up you are within an original community and how closed it is to other experiences. For some, it could be very isolating to choose something different ...not wrong, but certainly not easy. And I guess a parent has to make the judgement about if this is likely and if so, if it's worth it.

Personally, I have always found that when with people who don't use Independnet schools, it's best to not say too much about it all - that isn't because most people are critical of our choices, but the fact we haven't gone with the local free option that many of them have, perhaps tells them we think it wasn't good enough for our children. So we don't mention schools that much and certainly don't mention experiences the children have which they might not get elsewhere or make any negative comments about other schools or comparisons. We remain interested in the people, both adults and children and their lives and spend time with them doing things because we are friends and want to remain so. Sometimes it requires a little more work, because there is one aspect we do t have in common with them now....but it is a small aspect of life and I think we have shown anyone who might have had doubts about us or whether we thought we were somehow better than them, that we don't think that at all and are exactly the same people as before and relate to them in the same way as before.

Depends on the school. My sisters children go to the local independent school - it is the cheapest 'private' school in the area although still out of my price range. Most of the parents have good jobs so are well off without being super-rich. I wouldn't say that they receive a better education that my children in state school but it is a lovely, family orientated school with less 'distractions'. I would send my children there if I could.

Have skimmed the thread - apologies if someone else has already asked this. Are you planning more DCs? Could you afford to put them through private school as well?

I went private from age 10 (year 6) and was from a single parent, council flat family (back in the days of assisted places) and the main thing to consider is the additional costs after fees. You have uniforms, music lessons, clubs/tuition, trips, etc. These were huge costs and ones my mam had to sacrifice a lot for.

Personally, I don't believe private schools are for everyone. By that, I mean I went from being the smartest kid in primary to an average kid at private. I wasn't hugely academic or sporty, I was a middle of the road kid at most subjects. I stayed on for 6th form and didn't go to uni as I had no interest in staying on in education.

In contrast DH has only ever been in private education, excelled highly in business and economic subjects (led by an interest in the family business) went to uni and has done exceptionally well in his chosen field.

When we discuss having children, I have said I want our children to go to state primary and then make the call depending on their abilities as to whether we choose state or private secondary, (we are lucky that our local primary is a very good one), while he is adamant for private education throughout...

My 4 year old goes to private school. She started at the nursery attached to the school. My 1 year old has just started in the nursery. Both will go private for their education. My husband drove this. I have no experience of private schools. We are not well off and making lots of sacrifices. The sacrifices scare me. However I know a few teachers who don't have good stories about their outstanding state schools and we also only have terrible state schools round us. The downsides are that there are no local children for playdates as the school is rural and everyone drives to it. I worry about the cost. We don't have foreign holidays or a new car or whatever. We chose the school well. Lots of private schools here have aupairs etc and are high class even with the groom's collecting the kids on occasion. But my children's school is lovely. The parents are normal people making sacrifices. They are money conscious for birthday parties so nothing extravagant. Theres a second hand uniform shop and some people turn up in old bangers. The education they are getting is second to none. I'm glad we sent them there I just wish we could win lotto to pay for the next 15 years. Good luck with your decision.

I went to Private school and everybody wore holey jumpers and
Bought uniform fe the second hand uniform shop. You got kudos that way! I came from a state school and was pretty shocked

I think how your dc will do in school is mainly down to them, their ability, their determination, perseverance etc and you and your Dh - your interest and support. So private school is to me generally a waste of money