Private school

[Shiningbrightly1]

Name changed for this....

Please hit me with your pros and cons of private school for people who are "working class" I hate to even talk about a "class" but it's the only way I can think to describe it. We would be scrimping and saving to put our 1 DS through private school nursery with a view to him continuing through the school years there too. We'd have family support both with the decision and financially but I'm worried about coming across as a snob to our other family and friends, and I'm worried our DS will get bullied because he is not going to be in the latest trainers with the latest iPhone etc etc in the future. Is private school really like This? My husband is hesitant about this idea but I think we're using our own views and pre conceived ideas as a negative. So torn. DS is 1 so nursery planning is upon us and thinking further ahead to schooling. So AIBU to want to send my DS to nursery and then school via a private school??

Our DS goes to an independent school and I would say the majority of both parents work full-time to afford it and the school has an understanding of this. He has friends who live in beautiful houses with lots of land and also 3 bed semis on an estate. None of the children seem to care where their friends live as long as they get to play/meet up. I think the only time it may be an issue is with overseas school trips in the future but even then, not all the children go in my experience. Best thing we're doing for him I think. Max 20 per class and teaching approximately a year ahead of state schools. Friends very much spread around surrounding area though which means driving to play dates etc and very different to the state infants he went to in our village where friends were within walking distance. He still sees these friends though.

My DD is at prep. My parents and I split the cost between us and it has been worth every single penny. She has come on massively, her confidence is fantastic to see. She is well in front of her state educated friends and is very articulate. We don't have the best primary schools here though.
We'd never even considered private education- we are certainly not well off and I was concerned that we wouldn't fit in. Actually it is much friendlier than the state primary she went to for the first year! She has made wonderful friends as have I and there is a very diverse mix of people.
I heard it is easier for the children to do private primary, then switch to state for secondary.

The class aspects that you are worrying about are not an issue IME. What I think you need to consider is the longer terms implications. I would say that it is easier to move from state to private schools than the other way around; so are you and your wallet in it for the long run? Private nursery leads to private prep (£9K-£15K) and then that creates an expectation of private secondary, because that is where everyone else is going…. (£15K-£37K). Best advice I was ever given, only ever start on a journey that you can afford to finish.

Sorry a very busy morning! So many good responses here so I'll get round to answering them soon as I can. I name changed so it's not outing so I can tell you we are near Havant in Hampshire,we are in a part surrounded by lovely good schools so we have our pick. We're not considering one specific private school I would need to look into them all, however much like state schools you've all made me realise that there are huge differences between each individual school it's not just state and Private! So I'll need to do lots of research. Recommendations are welcome too.

*surrounded by lots of good STATE schools and I should there lots of good private schools too

Should think* Sorry!

No one on here can really help until you identify particular schools and area because it's all so very varied. In some areas, it's not just paying but passing entrance at 4 that is the hurdle but there are plenty of private schools that I wouldn't pay for so it really does depend.

@Shiningbrightly1
X posts. Don't pay for private there. You'd be mad.

Orlando- my dd is also 'Well ahead of her state educated friends ' - in the same state primary as her. But it's not a achievement I've ever particularly gone after. I just want her to be happy and get educated. You don't need private for that.

I went to a private prep school. My Dad was a lorry driver and my Mum was a school dinner lady. My class mates were the children of doctors, solicitors and gentlemen farmers.
I made very few friends at school as they all looked down at me. Their favorite game was top trumps using how many bedrooms your house had, what car your dad drove, that kind of thing.
At home the local kids wouldn’t play with me because they thought I was too stuck up.
Lose lose.

If you have good state schools I would honestly save your money. If your DS ends up wanting to go to university, you'll really need it then.

For every bad experience, you will find positive ones. Go on plenty of open days as others have suggested. Children are not snobby, but their parents can be and so the children learn; meeting the other parents is important.

My son is at one of the top public schools and many of his friends are amongst the mega-rich; we are a long way from that! We have never encountered any snobbery, my son has great friends and is at the core of his year group's social life. So don't judge or allow others to project until you have checked the options out for you, your family and most importantly, your child.

Private kindergartens / nurseries are often a good choice because they do tend to offer more flexible times, especially if both parents will be working.

As you are near Havant, then you are in the catchment for Portsmouth Grammar and so early investment may pay dividends in the future to get into that school.

I put my son through private school from 4-11, and he’s currently at a free all boys grammar school (having passed the 11+).

And this neatly sums up why grammar schools are a bad idea and do not help "clever buy poor" children as grammar school devotees claim.

Where I live the nurseries at private schools are often cheaper than the regular private day nurseries - apparently they do this to get you in for the long term. I don't think you necessarily have to choose a nursery at a school regardless of whether it's private or state. You need to find the right setting for you and your child and with nurseries there will be many factors - opening hours, the food, the activities, sleeping arrangements etc. You need to consider these first and not be worried by the school thing yet.

Re private school it's something we think about for later and moving on from nursery it wouldn't actually be much different as we're already paying a lot. However what bothers me is what others have said about the extras and they can really add up. It's a bit like owning a prestige car, buying the car is one thing but everything else is what cripples you.

I'm assuming from your post you perhaps aren't in a great area for schools and looking to do the best for your child but do look at all the options and remember that things change quickly. The failing high school now could be outstanding by the time your child is 11!

Oh just read further down where you say lots of good state schools - personally I'd save your money then!

We paid for reception to y2 at a lovely private school and considered it money well spent. We did it mainly because we were able to defer him from starting (late July Birthday) and he was very late with his development anyway. The small classes and individual attention were well worth the money and gave him a very positive start to school life. Obviously we're a different case but we ended up back in the state system as our son has diagnosed SEN so he's now at a specialist school. If he was "normal" (horrible word I know) I am not sure if we'd have kept him there though as apart from the basic cost, for one they do Saturday's and so many bolt on extra costs such as trips, sports equipment, activities and very long days. Some of the parents were nice and some weren't but you get that everywhere. The staff were fantastic and had a lot more time for a worried parent than in a state school because of the smaller classes. Personally I think it depends so much on what your local options are and what you can afford.

Have you looked at your local state schools? I'd seriously recommend having a read of their ofsteds and asking to have a look round. (They'll usually all do tours if you call the school office).

Schooling has changed a lot since we were at school. There are some really excellent state schools and fantastic state school teachers. There are huge benefits to going to school with the kids on your street and the surrounding streets. And there's a massive benefit to being a part of your local school community as a child and a parent.

I'd urge you to look into state before making your decision.

And think about the benefits of being able to walk to your local school rather than potentially travelling further afield for private.

if it means scrimping and saving to get the fees together don't do it. by the time you've added on uniform (over £500 at DDs, from nursery up, which is a real bugger when they grow so quickly) extra curricular activities (which are pretty much expected) the hundreds of dress up and charity days, school trips, workshops they are expected to attend, various fares and PTA events, stationery, weird things they suddenly need for homework etc you end up spending a fortune, we spend nearly as much on these extra bits as we do in fees!

If you have good state options private might not even be better, DS' state primary was miles better than DD's prep. I wish we hadn't moved.

DS has been at a small
Prep since nursery, primary years, in our experience have been absolutely worth it - the “leave it to secondary” view has always seemed strange to me, getting the fundamentals and love of learning early on is worth a lot. We’ve had an influx of state pupils in Year 4 - very disruptive for all concerned, the new pupils don’t feel as settled or rooted in the school, the culture they have come from is different. It will be ok in the end, but it’s been rather annoying!

However there was a culture of believing that children at surrounding local schools were somehow rough and difficult/scary to mix with, and that being sent to state school was the worst thing that could ever happen

This was my experience too.

My girls' private primary had a lot of very rich kids - my younger dd once described our 4 bedroom house as 'very small' on a school project because all her friends lived in 8-10 bedroom houses! The other thought our family was 'poor' because we had never been skiing. All the kids there seemed to have at least one parent who was a top city lawyer/banker.

The private secondary they went to though had far more normal people - there are lots of kids there whose parents are scrimping and saving to put them through that school. As a result, the kids are far less focused on money/houses/material things, and the richer kids and slightly less rich kids' friendship groups are completely interwoven.

I'm just saying this to show you how different private schools can be.

As pps have said it very much depends on the school. Some schools have a mix of parents, some very wealthy but lots working hard/making compromises to send their kids to private school, other schools are predominantly the former.

In my area the state infant schools are lovely but finish at 3pm with little or no after school care. Junior and senior state school options are not great. I used the nursery at our local private school because they were flexible and fit my working hours (without needing a childminder as well). We then didn’t want to move just for pre-prep/infants then have to move back plus had the issue of after school care so dc stayed (they were also very happy there).

We can’t easily afford the fees but we don’t go on big holidays, have a fancy car, go out that often or live in a smart house. There are lots of parents like us at the school compared to another local school where I know the vast majority are very wealthy (day fees are £30k a year which prices most people!)

“Prices out most people”

I went to a private school all the way through (separate junior and senior) and there is absolutely no point in paying to send your child to a private junior school IMO. Save and send them to private senior. I was in a girls only so may be different, but I never saw any bullying because of latest things etc. The girls in my school all came from different backgrounds, I was always in second hand uniform but it made no difference! Of course bullying sadly happens most places, across private and state.

Also to add, most of us came from different schools when we started year 7 so everyone was finding lots of new friends!

It doesn't apply to us, but I have a few friends with kids at private prep schools who's kids are about to sit their entrance exams to independent senior schools this summer and from what I hear, competition is fierce. (And we're not even talking Eton here!) Not just with the exam itself but the interview procedure to get in. As far as I can tell your kid doesn't stand a hope in hell of getting in to one of these schools unless they're already in the private hot house system. As I say no experience of this myself but I am not sure it's necessarily quite as easy as state now, private later and I do agree with a PP who said that paying for the foundations is probably more important anyway, which I do have experience of.