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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you ever think of your first love? (Posting for traffic)

103 replies

Kittycattycoco · 04/03/2018 08:45

Have name changed for this - I’m curious if anyone else ever thinks of their first love, despite being happily married/settled?

I am very happily married to someone I consider my soulmate. We have 3 wonderful DDs, life is lovely.

But I sometimes find my mind wandering back to a person from my past - actually a very long time ago now - who was my first love, which ended in heartbreak (for me) and left a few wounds that I don’t think really healed.

I have no wish or desire to ever see this person again, and in fact, it would be really weird to do so, but I find myself thinking back and wondering what their life’s like etc and just, well, thinking about them I suppose. I have even found myself thinking about how life would be now if things had been different - that’s not to say I wish that. I absolutely don’t. I just, well, wonder I suppose.

Every time I do though, I feel so so guilty - to be thinking, sometimes what feels like a lot, about a person from a time before that has no place in the now and tomorrow. I find it confusing and a bit upsetting sometimes that this person can still creep into my thoughts, I suppose.

I just wondered if I was alone, or if anyone else ever thinks back? I feel like a bit of a wally asking this to be honest. But I’d be interested to see if this is fairly common or if I’m actually a bit nuts?

OP posts:
skittycat · 04/03/2018 21:21

@kittycattycoco Sounds about right! Think it’s time for me to let him go which is a shame as he was one of the only guys I’ve ever been into that was genuinely a nice guy.

LittleLionMansMummy · 04/03/2018 21:22

Yes. He's just had his first child (we're Facebook friends) and I'm really pleased he's finally settled down and found someone he wants to spend his life with.

ForalltheSaints · 04/03/2018 21:24

I do from time to time, as they sadly died in a road accident whilst on holiday a few years later.

Richone · 04/03/2018 21:26

The person I should have loved most in my life raped me in 1978. I was only 24 and she was 17. I met her in the National Westminster Bank club for hotel employees on tht Bayswater Road. She told me she was 19 and because it was 1am I believed her. I saw our daughter on Facebook in 2010 .

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 04/03/2018 21:30

First thing I did when tinterweb was invented was stalk him. He hasn't aged well.

Just inspired me to message second love...

applesareredandgreen · 04/03/2018 21:33

Not consciously but I dream of him quite often.

Not sure what that means!

JustMarriedBecca · 04/03/2018 21:34

Married my first love but I occasionally google someone I saw briefly in between. He retrained in my field rather randomly and I used to wonder how mean I could be if he ended up being my trainee. I decided quite a lot.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 21:35

I think it's less about yearning for the person who was your first "love" and more reminiscing about a time when you had no/less responsibilities and your life was still in front of you and was a blank canvas.

LanaorAna2 · 04/03/2018 21:36

I dream of him, still It's lovely.

darkriver198868 · 04/03/2018 21:38

Yes I think of her often. In fact after almost sixteen years we stay in touch. She even forgave me for marrying her ex-boyfriend!! (they broke up a few months before) She has a lovely boyfriend now and were meeting in a few months.

darkriver198868 · 04/03/2018 21:39

In fact I am in touch with all but, two of my ex partners! I dont speak to my ex husband and my first fiance.

MiaowTheCat · 04/03/2018 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersWig · 04/03/2018 21:48

Often. She was killed in a car crash when she was 21 and I was 20. Not sure I've really truly gotten over it. I'm 44 tomorrow.

bertiesgal · 04/03/2018 21:52

I sometimes think about my first crush. I adored the bones of him and he barely noticed me. We kissed once and I walked on air for weeks while I don't think he would even remember my name.

My first love, well he's sitting next to me on the sofa while our 4 gorgeous children sleep upstairs. He is the love of my life and every day I can't believe my luck. He is the best of me.

I do still think about my first crush but the more I think about it the more I realise that I'm actually reflecting on who I was at that stage of my life. In many ways it's just a way of reminiscing about my youth.

Flowers to anyone who has regrets.

demirose87 · 04/03/2018 21:54

Sometimes but only out of curiosity. And when I think of exes it makes me realise I have never loved any of them, compared to how I feel about my gorgeous partner.

londonrach · 04/03/2018 21:59

Yes. I learnt alot from him and grateful he was the perfect first love with a great ending...no one else involved just uni and knowing life was about to change. I hope hes as happy as me. I hope he is and he was a lovely guy. Saw him a few years later (just meet dh and he was about to propose to his girlfriend he meet after me) and we both agreed right person, wrong time. We were too young, going to uni and life was starting. He gave me confidence to believe in myself.

JackietheBackie · 04/03/2018 22:02

not massively but I do hear of him quite often. He did some work on my parents house last year and he is married with 9 children. One of them has my name! I doubt she is called after me though. He was a complete knobber and I am beyond delighted that he shattered my 16 year old heart into a million pieces. I had appalling taste in men until my 30’s.

JaneJeffer · 04/03/2018 22:12

Yes. Gorgeous, blond, blue eyes and gay Grin

We had a short holiday romance and then wrote to each other for a while. I'm surprised I've never met him since because he still has family connections in the area and I've saw his dad last year.

Cakeandmarshmallows · 04/03/2018 22:39

Yes! Very happily married to him, with our first baby due soon! I found first love bit later in life and was very lucky and am very happy.

notangelinajolie · 04/03/2018 22:44

I saw him today. It is only the third time I have ever laid eyes on him in nearly 30 years. He lives in the same village as me so I have no idea how we've not bumped into each other. I have only ever seen him from a distance. He broke my heart and I used to think of him a lot but I don't anymore. It took years and years before I can honestly say he was out of my head. He's been divorced twice and has children with 3 different women. No thanks! I would not want a man like that to be father of my children. It was a lucky escape for me I am sure.

Richone · 04/03/2018 22:58

I assume it hasn't got a pub or post office?

Deshasafraisy · 04/03/2018 22:59

Yes - a lot. He often makes an appearance in my dreams too. I’m very happily married to a much better man.

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 23:02

Yeah, in hindsight she treated me like crap but god did I love her. And she felt the same. And the sex was amazing. So even 20!years later I think, what if....

notangelinajolie · 04/03/2018 23:30

Richone - some villages are big Smile Yes there is a Post Office and lots of pubs fortunatelyWine

FlurkenSchnit · 04/03/2018 23:47

I think of my high school sweetheart quite often although I'm not really sure why...he was my first everything including my first experience of true heartbreak. We were together on and off for 4 years from the day before my 14th birthday and I was a fool for that boy. He was a total heartthrob with blonde curls and big blue eyes, I couldn't believe that he chose me!
He died suddenly just after he turned 18 and I was devastated. His death 21 years ago has affected all relationships I have had since then and although I am happily married now, I really wish I hadn't had been involved with some of my exes and feel that if my first love hadn't have died it would all have been so different.