To ask if you ever think of your first love? (Posting for traffic)

[Kittycattycoco]

Have name changed for this - I’m curious if anyone else ever thinks of their first love, despite being happily married/settled?

I am very happily married to someone I consider my soulmate. We have 3 wonderful DDs, life is lovely.

But I sometimes find my mind wandering back to a person from my past - actually a very long time ago now - who was my first love, which ended in heartbreak (for me) and left a few wounds that I don’t think really healed.

I have no wish or desire to ever see this person again, and in fact, it would be really weird to do so, but I find myself thinking back and wondering what their life’s like etc and just, well, thinking about them I suppose. I have even found myself thinking about how life would be now if things had been different - that’s not to say I wish that. I absolutely don’t. I just, well, wonder I suppose.

Every time I do though, I feel so so guilty - to be thinking, sometimes what feels like a lot, about a person from a time before that has no place in the now and tomorrow. I find it confusing and a bit upsetting sometimes that this person can still creep into my thoughts, I suppose.

I just wondered if I was alone, or if anyone else ever thinks back? I feel like a bit of a wally asking this to be honest. But I’d be interested to see if this is fairly common or if I’m actually a bit nuts?

skitty I think maybe rose tinted glasses coupled with maturity has a lot to answer for - you remember how you felt then, and it’s actually not how you would feel now perhaps. I think I’d feel the same x

My husband is my first love. So yeah I think about him a lot.

My first boyfriend was 17 and I had a few before the first person I loved at 21. I could have wrote the OP!
But I agree rose tinted glasses plus maturity plus what I’m actually romanticising / missing is that specific time in my life; trying new things, testing out the world as an adult. Rather than him as a person. We were massively fucked up, he would have driven me to an early grave if we had ended up together!
Extremely happy with DH and DS now but still Facebook stalk sometimes!

Yes, though with rose tinted glasses I expect. It helps that he was handsome and French.

Yes all-in-one they time and free time some time reason at this time time of year.

We are not lobotmied zombies.. Of course we think about all kinds off things.. In some countries you can marry as many as you want!! In France you there can be a more.. Liberal view on the this..

A poor woman posted on here about wanting to meet with an ex, she clearly stated she would never ever do anything and she loved her dh and sadly she was gunned down by some mumsnet mob yes its common, its natural...

Oh dear Lords.

Yes a ll the time, and for some reason reason always at this time of year

I do ! All of them

And thanks to google, Instagram , Twitter and 192.com I know what most of them are up to

Absolutely. It’s not so much about the boy - I’ve googled him and he looks like an absolute tool (red trousers, yellow socks and a pinkie ring ffs, when he was with me it was spiky blue hair and ripped jeans), I think it’s more about remembering a time when I was young and gorgeous and could have done anything. Some of my happiest memories also have this boy in so I do think about him. I’d still like to give him a slap for being a shit to me though.

He also wrote me some lovely poetry which I’ve kept. He keeps trying to get elected as an mp, I hope he does as I will be sending that straight to The Sun! There are some lovely lines about my boobs.

turnipfarmers that’ll fucking do it

Blond, blue eyed, french and a walk on our own in the bushes

I was 16 when I met my first true love. He was 27. For me it was instant attraction. He said I was too young. Two years later when I was 18 I called him, we dated for nearly 2 years and I truly loved him. He was suffering from PTSD at the time (from the Falklands War) and really struggled with emotional attachments. When he refused to commit, I left. That was in 1989 and I left the area completely and moved hundreds of miles away.

He absolutely broke my heart.

In 2012 I was idly browsing facebook and stuck his name in the search bar. Found him and dropped him a very casual message, saying hi, hope life has been good for you etc.

He messaged back the next day, rang me and then booked me onto a flight for the following month to go and see him. At the end of the week together he proposed and a few months later I upped sticks and moved the 500 miles back 'home'. We've been together ever since.

Ah my cats !!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Mine lives nearby and I see / speak to him often. Both very happily married to other people but both agree we’d be together if that wasn’t the case. Strange situation I suppose but no threat to either partner and no dramas along the way over many years now. It’s just the way things have worked out.

MyCats that’s lovely! A real life happy ending.

I don't regularly, but I know him still as we remained friends.

He currently lives In a city centre flat, with his boyfriend Terrence.

Yes. Very happily married....but, yes, he comes into my mind often.

I do. Even though it was 45 years ago and he was a complete bastard to me. I've recently found him on Facebook, and he seems to have turned into a very nasty old man. I have a happy marriage and love my dh to bits, but for some reason I still think about my first "love".

Yes, my first love pops into my head and we broke up 15+ years ago and I'm happily married now. I don't feel guilty about it because I'm not thinking about him in a pining way, I'm just remembering things that happened to me. I think it's probably quite normal. Most people don't fall in love loads in their life so you're bound to think of the few you did love from time to time.

Yes and it makes me feel sick and angry I wasted 3 years on him. Still learnt a lot from the relationship though and he always made me feel good about myself so not all bad I suppose.

I think about my first love and the ex before DP sometimes. My first love in a "I wonder if he's still a twat" sort of way (there's a bit in "Rebecca" when she says, "that sort of crying doesn't happen again once you're 21" and in the context of your love life i sort of agree with that - relationships when you're older than 21 are more prosaic!).

And the most recent ex in a sort of "I wish I'd said that and that and that at the time" way, because in fantasy he was the love of my life even though he was a narcissistic depressive and I know that in reality what I have with DP is so much better.

Not regularly but if I'm on my own on a long drive or something I might have that sort of imaginary conversation! I've never looked them up though. I'm a firm believer in breaking all forms of contact and that includes looking at their Facebook/LinkedIn/twitter etc.

I think of my first love from time to time, although I am glad that we didn't stay together. I did spy on him a bit on Facebook quite recently and I was saddened to see that he has not had a very happy life. Part of me would like to just contact and say 'hi' and give him a wave, but I wouldn't do it. I suspect that there would be nothing either of us wanted to say after 'hi'. The memory I have of 19 year old him will never leave me though, and he was gorgeous then.

I do occasionally. I wonder what he's up to now, if he's married or has children. I remember that almost drunken feeling of first falling in love, chatting til the wee hours outside on a summer night. We were both too immature for it to last, but I can look back fondly.
I'm happily married now and have also had the drunken feeling of falling in love with my dh, but I think it's normal to think of people who were once important to you.

I do but it's not a nice trip down memory lane because he was so hideous to me.

Still get Christmas cards from mine ( we went out nearly 40 years ago)...jammy bugger just retired early, envy.