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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re DH's eating?

103 replies

WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:34

Dh was quite overweight. Not fat, but noticeably bulky even though he does a lot of exercise. He felt he didn't know how to fix it even though it was obvious to me that he just eats too much, and too much of the wrong thing.

He joined Slimming World and has done amazingly well, reaching his goal weight recently. He is still attending slimming world
Meetings as he struggles to maintain his goal weight and we are therefore, in theory, living in a "slimming world" house where he obsessively quizzes me on everything I put into our food etc. I have been very supportive, coming home early so he can attend meetings, shopping for Sliming world friendly food and preparing a lot of food for him in a SW style.

However, I am so frustrated at what I see as binge eating. Not so much the eating itself - he's lost weight and is working on it - but the selfishness of it. This was always a problem but to be honest, I just bought more of the foods he would binge so that me and dc would be able to enjoy them more. I am not doing that anymore as we are trying to save money and I think we all benefit from not having treats in the house.

So a few quick examples - ds asked me to buy salami for his school sandwiches. There was enough in the fridge for 2-3 days on Sunday night. I didn't mention it to dh as I know salami is a big No in SW. next morning - none. He just ate the lot. Didn't think about what it might be there for or implications.

Yesterday I made muffins for us for the weekend and for ds lunchbox. They are quite small and dh made a big performance out of working their syn value. (5) we each (him, me, ds) had 2 during the day leaving 8 when I went to bed. He knew I wanted to keep 5 for lunchboxes. I just went downstairs and he has eaten another 2. So he's not only going way over his syns , but he hasn't stopped for one second and thought "there are three "spare". Ok, I will have one and leave one each for Bling and ds tomorrow".

This happens ALL the time. He eats things I put aside for the kids or me unless I specify things. But I shouldn't have to specify that treats are to be shared so him eating all of them is unfair I am so tired of it. And it's particularly annoying as if I make something like bolognaise and I dare to use a few tea spoons of olive oil to cook the onions instead of his spray he will go completely crazy and refuse to eat it. Treating the food like I am purposefully sabotaging him.

Aibu to be annoyed?!

OP posts:
8SaltandVinegar · 04/03/2018 08:38

Yanbu. He's greedy and he cannot sustain his weightloss on that particular program. He needs to get the balance/moderation bit.

None of his dieting issues should be affecting you or DC. Support him Yeh, but feck that.

justkeeponsmiling · 04/03/2018 08:40

YANBU. It sounds like your DH has a very unhealthy relationship with food. He needs ro address these or he will put weight back on eventually. Very frustrating for you though, it would drive me mad too!

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 04/03/2018 08:40

Yanbu, have you challenged him on the disconnect between olive oil strops and ploughing through multiple cakes etc? What's his reasoning or do you think he doesn't know he's doing it? Have you encouraged him to keep a truthful food diary so you can put the secret snacking on it too? Might shame him into realising how much he's eating!

StripeyDeckchair · 04/03/2018 08:42

You're far nicer than me, if my DH went completely crazy about how I'd cooked food I'd make him do all the cooking.

As for the fridge/cupboard raiding he'd be making everyone's lunch. I'd also think about freezing anything I wanted in a couple of days.

Basically he needs to do more in the kitchen to appreciate the planning & time that goes into shopping & cooking for a family.

IdaDown · 04/03/2018 08:44

Honestly, if that was DH, he’d be cooking his own meals.

As for the binging on the kids lunches - lockable box? With a label on saying “kids lunches, because you can’t be trusted”

Not ideal, but...

GeorgeTheHippo · 04/03/2018 08:44

Salami and muffins both freeze. That would be a good way to hide them.

But he sounds a massive selfish pain in the arse.

Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:46

Zig zag - absolutely I have pointed this out. And we have talked endlessly about how it's not sustainable if he uses all his syns for cakes and biscuits as he says he's starting to get bored with SW FOOD.

Also, I do cook sw friendly stuff but I am
Not killing myself over it - I expect him to sort himself out too. So I don't eat carbs at night because I am also losing weight (albeit slower) and last night I made steak, a big salad and asparagus and I did cook him some rice. I however did feel the portions might not have been enough for him, especially as I didn't put any butter on his asparagus or dressing on his salad. He knows I expect him to fill up and cook the extras himself. But increasingly it's clear to me he just eats whatever he can find instead.

OP posts:
Leilaniiii · 04/03/2018 08:47

Keep lunch food in a big tupperware tub and write KIDS LUNCH on it in big letters using permanent ink. This is what I do to stop myself eating it all.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 04/03/2018 08:47

The olive oil thing and salami eating would send me over the edge!

He should just cook his own food, IMO

And maybe you can stick a label on the,salami/muffin saying:" fir Oilver's school lunches!" And if DH eats it anyway, he has to go out and buy more

Don't put up with this shit

Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:47

He eats the frozen muffins. (Although I don't think he will do that again after I freaked out at him last time). But in this case, they weren't frozen because I thought we could all enjoy one with our tea later today.

OP posts:
crazydoglady6867 · 04/03/2018 08:47

He sounds like a greedy man, he will never sustain his weight loss with that attitude, I would just buy and cook what you and the children want and if necessary get the treats when you are out so he can’t steal them from his children. It is not your job to monitor another adults eating habits. He would drive me nuts tbh.

GreenSeededGrape · 04/03/2018 08:48

That's not addrrssing the problen George. Why should OP have to 'hide food Hmm

Beetlejizz · 04/03/2018 08:50

Sorry, do you mean he would get a frozen muffin out of the freezer and eat it like that?

Leilaniiii · 04/03/2018 08:52

And maybe don't have things like salami and muffins in the house? They are not good for anybody and you don't want your DC to grow up with the same bad eating habits as your DH.

Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:52

I just reread my op. Feel I should clarify that he won't eat food with a bit of olive oil but it's not like he gives me a hard time. It sounded like he was freaking out at me. Rather he will just be disappointed and not eat t. But I am not willing to give up things that add flavour and texture. Especially as that I am doing is working for me and I am slowly but surely losing weight without any peaks and troughs.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:52

Beetle - would defrost in microwave.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 08:54

Leilaliii - no, that's ridiculous. A salami sandwhich for ds lunch now and again is not a bad thing. Ditto, I make lovely homemade
Muffins specifically so that they aren't crazy bad. The ones we are talking about are made with oats, zero fat yoghurt, bananas and only include a tiny amount of extra sugar and the fat is olive oil.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 04/03/2018 08:56

How annoying. What does he say when you pull him up on it?

80sMum · 04/03/2018 08:57

YANBU! That sort of greediness disgusts me. It's utterly selfish and thoughtless.

If I were you, I would be sorely tempted to bake a batch of muffins that contained a large quantity of laxatives, then leave him to discover them!

Peanutbuttercups21 · 04/03/2018 08:59

Leilaaniii that sounds extreme

A ham or salami sandwich and a home made muffin are not unhealthy eating (unless seen from the point of view if an extreme clean eating raw vegan instagrammer Grin)

A bit of salt, fat and sugar is fine.

Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 09:03

You need to sit him down and explain to him that the food he eats that was meant to be shared means he is being a greedy and selfish fuck and his diet isn't working for him.

There are a great many ways of dieting that leave you full and satisfied, and don't have you stealing your children's lunch, maybe he could look into one of those.

WazFlimFlam · 04/03/2018 09:05

It sounds like he needs a different maintenance diet. SW is not great for you long term due to the fact it has virtually no fat in it.

Maybe he could switch to calorie counting, or just 'clean' eating.

Justanothernameonthepage · 04/03/2018 09:06

Does it inconvenience him in anyway? Does he then have to go to the shop and replace the kids food? Or does he then have to make it and do the the weeks food plan? Or does he just say sorry and leave it to you to fix?

Leilaniiii · 04/03/2018 09:08

A salami sandwhich for ds lunch now and again is not a bad thing.

Sorry babe, but processed meat has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen. It's not something that you should be feeding to your kids.

Original poster
WorkingBling · 04/03/2018 09:08

Waz -I totally agree re SW. but he is convinced that nothing but SW can ever work. Having said that, I think if he used his syns in a more balanced way - not just for cakes and sweets he could easily eat "normal" food. I don't deep fry things or pile huge amounts of cheese on everything (Well, except when I make my
Famous cauliflower cheese...Smile)

But ultimately, all of that is his problem. It's the selfishness of not THINKING that gets me down.

OP posts:
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