Re DH's eating?

[WorkingBling]

Dh was quite overweight. Not fat, but noticeably bulky even though he does a lot of exercise. He felt he didn't know how to fix it even though it was obvious to me that he just eats too much, and too much of the wrong thing.

He joined Slimming World and has done amazingly well, reaching his goal weight recently. He is still attending slimming world
Meetings as he struggles to maintain his goal weight and we are therefore, in theory, living in a "slimming world" house where he obsessively quizzes me on everything I put into our food etc. I have been very supportive, coming home early so he can attend meetings, shopping for Sliming world friendly food and preparing a lot of food for him in a SW style.

However, I am so frustrated at what I see as binge eating. Not so much the eating itself - he's lost weight and is working on it - but the selfishness of it. This was always a problem but to be honest, I just bought more of the foods he would binge so that me and dc would be able to enjoy them more. I am not doing that anymore as we are trying to save money and I think we all benefit from not having treats in the house.

So a few quick examples - ds asked me to buy salami for his school sandwiches. There was enough in the fridge for 2-3 days on Sunday night. I didn't mention it to dh as I know salami is a big No in SW. next morning - none. He just ate the lot. Didn't think about what it might be there for or implications.

Yesterday I made muffins for us for the weekend and for ds lunchbox. They are quite small and dh made a big performance out of working their syn value. (5) we each (him, me, ds) had 2 during the day leaving 8 when I went to bed. He knew I wanted to keep 5 for lunchboxes. I just went downstairs and he has eaten another 2. So he's not only going way over his syns , but he hasn't stopped for one second and thought "there are three "spare". Ok, I will have one and leave one each for Bling and ds tomorrow".

This happens ALL the time. He eats things I put aside for the kids or me unless I specify things. But I shouldn't have to specify that treats are to be shared so him eating all of them is unfair I am so tired of it. And it's particularly annoying as if I make something like bolognaise and I dare to use a few tea spoons of olive oil to cook the onions instead of his spray he will go completely crazy and refuse to eat it. Treating the food like I am purposefully sabotaging him.

Aibu to be annoyed?!

Can you keep stuff for the kids lunches in your car?x

Why don't you make him meal plan and cook? Say you obviously aren't cooking the right / enough food so he is breaking his diet while also messing up the week's food for you and DS. Ask him to take over and make sure that everyone has what they want/need for the week. If he says he he has no time to go to the supermarket, ask him to write a list (and only buy what's on it) or do an online shop.

I would be reading him the riot act, for being a selfish greedy person for eating food meant for his children lunches. And how from now on he is responsible for his total eating habits, if he wants you to continue to cook for him then he will not question what you use as you already cook SW, one more time then he will be cooking his own dinners.

Or get one of these lockable fridge safe.

There’s no way I’d be hiding food, locking it away, writing notes on it because a grown man & father cannot, or will not, act like one.

It doesn’t matter what this is about, food or another shared thing, the fact of the matter is, he’s only thinking about himself. He’s not thinking about his wife or his child/ren.

I’d be having one last conversation about this, along the lines of ‘Your behaviour indicates that you don’t think about me & the children at all. I’m not going to live like this, so it’s up to you to change that or move out’.

People will say that’s mad or drastic, but to me it’s not. It’s annoying, stressful & makes you feel like you and the kids aren’t loved or valued. No one needs to live like that.

I'm not sure how either of you think it is workable for one of you to follow SW and the other to be low carb. They are not compatible and must make food buying and preparing a complete nightmare.

Why don't you joint SW or follow the plan too or why doesn't DH go low carb with you.

This is deeper than my comments above of course, to me it sounds like he's put you in the food police/gate keeeper/ mum role.

Of course she shouldn't have to hide food. I did say he is a massive selfish pain in the arse.

Stop cooking his sw meals....he isn't taking responsibility while you are cooking for him.thats why he's going over his sins...if he cooked using his time and Effort ,he may well stick to the sins as not wanting to sabotage his own effort.but quite happy to sabotage your effort

I've done SW and lost 2st but have found there is only so long you can keep it up because it's so low in fat. Life becomes really hard and you can become overcome when temptation is around. The answer however, is not to take away the food you've bought for yourself and the kids but for him to look into other options now. People are saying how greedy and selfish he is but it's so hard and difficult and perhaps hard for people to understand if they've not been there.

I think a proper talk about how SW evidently isn't suitable any more and how you want to support him on something else because it's not affecting the rest of the family. I've moved onto reducing carbs a little (SW is high on carbs) and gradually reintroducing fats a bit to get back onto a balanced diet.

No. No no no no no.

It drives me INSANE when people suggest locking fridges, doors, hiding stuff...he’s a grown fucking man, not a 2 year old in the cleaning cupboard. No no no no no. You don’t need locks inside your own bloody house or to go stashing food in the bloody car. Just NO.

(SEN issues aside)

It sounds like he eats compulsively, which is a hard habit to break. Is he selfish in other ways? Or just can’t help himself when it comes to food?

Did he ever do this before? Ie before he started slimming world and was overweight? I think it's key if this has always been his way or if it's some new behaviour that he has developed following being on this diet.

On a separate note my husband has a bit of this habit. If I say don't eat x he won't, but if I don't say and he sees it and fancies it he will have it. All. He never says I've eaten 80% of this would you like what's left. It's so thoughtless. Royally pisses me off because I later go to get some and there is none. However he's not on a diet and has always been thoughtless like this.

Sorry babe, but processed meat has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen. It's not something that you should be feeding to your kids.

Salami is still legal in these parts op

You need to be clear with him:
“these muffins are for lunch. Do not eat them.”

But please don’t fall into the trap of being responsible fir his eating. He is a grown man and is capable of making decisions about his health and his weight. You are not his mother.

Drink. Oh I’ve been there, I am there, I’m struggling. What I am not doing is taking food that is for children’s lunches and for others to share & enjoy. That’s incredibly selfish and totally unfair on the OP.

If he’s struggling on SW HE needs to sort that out, not just take food meant for others.

WorkingBling if I were you I’d also tell him that I’m done catering for his SW diet when he’s just blowing his syns on lazy stuff & moaning. Tell him what you’re making (that suits your diet) and ask if he wants any of it. If he wants rice, HE cooks rice. You’ve been great & he doesn’t appreciate it, so stop doing it.

He is sabotaging himself, (sadly this is probably inevitable due to hugely strong physiological pressures - his body will want to regain the weight, and OP I am absolutely with you that if he filled up in a more balanced way he would stand a better chance, but still a really small chance) but inconveniencing and short changing you and ds, so I would concentrate on the consequence for that. So just say, as kindly as possible, I’m really pissed off about the muffins, they weren’t all for you. I am going out of my way to do things the SW way, and I expect a bit of respect back. You are in the maintenance phase now, so taking responsibility and cracking unplanned eating is the job now. From now on, food on x shelf is not up for grabs. If you take it, you might as well have spat in mine or ds food.

Also, would he consider adopting a ‘no eating after 7’ rule (so, a 12 hour overnight fast), because this really helps cravings.

And this is why I really don't believe in diets. I know a lot of people lose weight on them successfully and that SW is the big cheese right now, but in my experience, in the long term they generally make you fat and really really fuck up your relationship with food.

You're right to be frustrated and annoyed but this is what diets do to a lot of people, even those who successfully maintain their weight. So I can't judge him too harshly.

I lost a shedload of weight a few years ago and have kept it off (pregnancy notwithstanding), but I know I'd go a little bit mad if I was having to obsess about counting things.

Dp this you should warn him there will
Be consequences if he eats something he shouldn’t (ie: he won’t get a shag)

Just an insight into the male psyche there...

tiny. He knew 5/8 were for lunches. Should she really have to spell out that three left over should be shared? ? To a grown man? To a husband & father?

I sympathise with his binging, I tried SW and would eat perfect syn free meals full of veg and lean meat.... then eat a whole multipack of low fat crisps it’s a very unhealthy attitude to food and it’s very hard to break

BUT he is being completely selfish to eat stuff he knows is intended for other people and leaving you and DC short of stuff.

Is he honest about his binges? I live alone but if I had to explain to my DP that I’d eaten a whole pack of salami intended for school lunches while supposedly dieting I would be ashamed.

Yes I do think that being very clear that these foods are not for him and are for someone else’s lunch is the way to go. But that is where the policing stops.

I think some folks are being a little harsh. When a woman comes on and explains her binges it's all flowers and sympathy. When a man does it it's all abusive names and punishments.

If a woman says ffs I ate the lunch it's all laughs and give them something else. When a man does it he gets abuse.

Clearly this man has a problem with food and potentially disordered eating. The fact he's a man shouldn't change the responses to if a woman is doing it. I Sincerely doubt he isn't doing it maliciously or feels proud of himself, more he can't control it.

But bluntness in many families it is the woman who organises food and meals (it doesn’t have to be, but realistically that is common), so if she eats it all she is aware that she is inconveniencing herself and will rectify it before it has an impact on anyone else.

Time for some trick slamai with stop and grow on...?

For what its worth he probably feels absolutely awful about it after he's eaten it.

Foods like this have been proven to be very very addictive and whilst it is really selfish its like dealing with a heroin addict trying to get the next fix. Unfortunately there is not enough research on it for there to be help out there to be accessed as an addiction. So its not your problem to control his weight, but you probably do need to have the conversation about the locked box option as you have to be able to know you have the lunch boxes sorted.

@Leilaniiii

You misunderstand the classifications.

"The IARC classifications describe the strength of the scientific evidence about an agent being a cause of cancer, rather than assessing the level of risk."

That it's group 1 doesn't mean it's as bad as smoking or asbestos. Just that a lot of resarearch has been done into it.

The IARC doesn't describe the product. It describes the research into the product.