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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to go on holiday?

159 replies

HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:21

As a general disclaimer, I have quite bad anxiety and I think I may have over thought this. Didn't sleep a wink last night for worrying.

Holiday is booked for Easter holidays. We are booked to go in a static caravan. Me, DP, DD, DSD, DS and 4 month old DD. We are going with friends and their two DC in an 8 berth caravan. It was booked over a year ago before I knew I was expecting DD. Therefore there will be ten of us in the caravan. Wouldn't be a problem usually as two of the girls would top and tail.

The reasons for my worries are:

  • DD is only four months old
  • We will have to take her whole life with us
  • She doesn't sleep brilliantly and is currently in a shit sleep regression
  • There is nowhere in the caravan for her to sleep
  • There is nowhere in the caravan for me to attempt a semblance of her bedtime routine.
  • She has just got out of hospital with severe bronchiolitis which needed three days of intensive care where she almost needed ventilating. Thankfully that didn't happen. I am therefore worried about her being out in the cold and going swimming etc
  • She also has reflux
  • She is a very light sleeper to the point where us just turning over in bed at night disturbs ber

I am so anxious about not being able to keep her in routine that I've worked so hard to put in. Naps I can work around but at night we do bath, low lights and quiet and a bottle then in her crib in the dark and she self settles with Ewan. In a caravan the travel cot doesn't fit in the main bedroom does it so where will I put her to sleep? The van will be busy and with all the six other kids I don't see how I can do it.

It's making me not want to go. I feel like I'll be the only one bothered about how she sleeps and I'll be trying not to disturb the other kids and the other adults. It was decided that we would sleep in the living room sofa bed thing and the other adults would have the main bedroom due to fitting the travel cot in but that is making me feel worse because I can't go to bed if everyone else is up.

Someone please help me and tell me how I can work around this. The anxiety is doing my head in and is making it so hard to see the wood for the trees. Sorry this was so long.

OP posts:
superram · 04/03/2018 08:28

It sounds like a nightmare, can you afford your own caravan. I would imagine the other family are worried about broken sleep....

SnowiestMountain · 04/03/2018 08:28

Is there any chance at all that you can get a second caravan? That sounds like a lot of people in one place.

sonjadog · 04/03/2018 08:33

What does your partner say about it? Does he have a solution to the space issues?

Easter holiday is a month away and a lot can happen in a month. Her sleep might be better and her hospital stay will be well behind her. I wouldn't worry about those right now as the situation might be completely different by then.

Shockers · 04/03/2018 08:35

I’d try to book another van. You might find that lots of fresh air and general busyness makes her sleep better too.

Original poster
HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:37

If I bring it up I just get the "we'll sort something" replies but no firm ideas.

We absolutely cannot afford to pay for our own van. Believe me I've thought of every solution. We haven't even paid our friends for our half yet because we're skint. We've got spending money saved and that's it. DP didn't get paid anything for the time DD was in hospital as he had to take time off for the other DC so that set us back a fair bit especially with eating out the hospital restaurant and car parking etc.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 04/03/2018 08:42

Could your DP go with the older kids and you stay at home with the baby and visit during the day?

(And sorry to hear of the anxiety- have you been to your GP?)

Original poster
HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:43

Holiday destination is a 5 hour drive away. He doesn't drive. Sorry I probably should have put that in original post.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/03/2018 08:44

That sounds like hell!!! I would pay my friends half and ask dh to take the kids and stay at home. I am not all that routine orientated so that part wouldn't bother me but that about of people in one caravan?? I feel like reaching for the gin just thinking about it

ButEmilylovedhim · 04/03/2018 08:44

Hi OP. I can see why you are worried, I would be too. I think those caravans are just not big enough for that many people especially with a travel cot. As previous pp said could you get a second caravan? If not, I would be considering not going. Could your dp take the other children with your friends and you stay at home? I know though that most mothers are the absolute lynchpin in things like this so it wouldn't be possible.

We had a caravan holiday when DD was just turned one and she was a very light sleeper and disturbed by being somewhere else and would hardly eat either. I remember it as the most stressful holiday and there were only the four of us. We could bath her in the kitchen sink though so that was the bath issue sorted!

I hope you can find the best solution OP Flowers

Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/03/2018 08:45

Cross posts, there goes that idea, my post was no help so

Original poster
HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:46

WRT the anxiety, it's something I've had since my teens. I've been to the GP many times. Just get given ADs that make me more ill but in different ways. I booked private counselling but with DD arriving and having no time to go and childcare issues and lack of money (£50 a session) I cancelled but I will go back when I can get some savings behind me.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 04/03/2018 08:46

Could he take the train? If you book in advance and use a family railcard children are often only £1 each way

bluejelly · 04/03/2018 08:48

Ps sorry about the anxiety. I have had it too but thankfully not for several
months.
Can you ask to be referred for free counselling from your GP? Say the ADs don't work and you're desperate?

Original poster
HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:53

The only kind of solution I can think of is for her to sleep in the pram bassinet part of her pushchair but not on the wheels iyswim and put that in the main bedroom in the dark for her to sleep and just bring through to living area with us when the other adults want to go to bed.

However, I'm not sure she still fits in it comfortably and I'm also still waiting for confirmation from the company that their bassinet is safety approved for overnight use.

OP posts:
Original poster
HopelesslyHopeful87 · 04/03/2018 08:55

A second caravan is absolutely the only way I'll be happy to go but that's £500+ so not going to happen unless I win the lottery.

I don't do the lottery 😂

OP posts:
starlightafar · 04/03/2018 08:56

Wouldn't go. I'd be so stressed sharing a caravan.
I'd not go, and try and book something else. Either that or send DP and the kids and enjoy the quiet at home!

BeyondThePage · 04/03/2018 08:56

I think you need to check the floor space - "main bedroom" in a caravan - will usually have a bed and a "wardrobe" - there may not be more than a tiny path around the bed for access.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 04/03/2018 08:59

OP, have you seen the caravan? They really are like houses these days?

Ginseng1 · 04/03/2018 09:00

Anxiety or not I wouldn't go sounds like a nightmare 2 families in a caravan Inc a baby. I'd have cancelled soon as I was pregnant. Send your other half with big kids on train or bus or something if they desperate to go.

Nikied · 04/03/2018 09:01

An 8 birth caravan with 10 people including a baby isn't going to be a holiday for anyone. What if it rains a lot?
The problem is exacerbated by a dp refusing to acknowledge that this obviously will not be a holiday for you at all.
I'd refuse to go.
As he can't drive then he needs to get a train / bus there with your older children.
Then you can have some time alone to settle your baby. This would suit everyone? If you're allowed an opinion that is as it seems like you're not. He can't make you. Give him plenty of time to make other arrangements by telling him now that you and the baby will not be going. At least then he has to stop burying his head in the sand.
Poor you and good luck with standing up for yourself. When you have children you are actually forced to be brave.

cornishmumtobe · 04/03/2018 09:03

Anxiety or no anxiety that sounds like absolute hell on earth and there is no way I would go. I'd do as PPs have suggested and send your partner and children off on holiday and stay home with the baby - enjoying the space and peace!

Lotsalotsagiggles · 04/03/2018 09:04

Can two of the other children too and tail? That would give space to put the baby down in a bed away from others for naps etc. Sure you'll find way. Xx

Petalflowers · 04/03/2018 09:04

I'm not sure you will be allowed to sleep ten in an eight berth caravan (insurance reasons?). Even if you exclude the baby, that's still one over the berth quantity.

I used to 'go with the flow' when it came to holidays, so if baby didn't sleep, then I let them stay awake. I then would get them back in the habit when home, however hard this was.

Ten people cooped up in a caravan designed for eight doesn't sound much fun. From a practical point of view, there won't be enough cutlery, sitting area etc.

Vitalogy · 04/03/2018 09:04

I agree, second caravan the forward me thinks. 6 in an 8 berth caravan is plenty as it is. Could be a nice break and change of routine if it's kept low key and relaxed as possible. Walks on the beach etc. A sling for baby so you could take turns carrying.

Petalflowers · 04/03/2018 09:06

Beyond makes a good point about floor space. The statics we have stayed in have no room around the main bed. Maybe a foot width.

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