Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBW to suspect that FWB has stolen my jewellery?

106 replies

Oakleygirl · 03/03/2018 22:27

Feeling really upset this evening....my FWB (of 7 months) appears to have stolen an expensive bracelet of mine. I left it at his last time I stayed there (3 weeks ago) and thought nothing of it as I imagined I would just get it back the next time we saw each other.....however, since then he has made arrangements to see me three times and then cancelled at the last minute.

I was supposed to see him tonight, never heard from him to confirm so messaged him just after 5 to ask what time to go over. He read message but didn't reply. I messaged again a couple of hours later to say I guessed he was busy but would need to pick up my bracelet and would knock when passing his to get it.

I went to his, (his car was outside) and called to ask him to pop out with the bracelet. It went to voicemail so I left a message asking if he could bring it out to me. He didn't so I knocked on the door, he didnt answer. He has now turned his phone off!

I am gutted as it was a present and he knows this. Can't believe he would do this, but what else can I think?

OP posts:
FairfaxAikman · 03/03/2018 22:58

Maybe go round and knock on his door without texting him first? He may answer if he doesn't think it might be you.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 03/03/2018 23:02

Fair not a bad idea, only he never answers the door without looking through the spyhole, so I would have to hide, lol.

Maybe he did have another woman with him, oh dear....not making myself feel any better here....

OP posts:
FreeNiki · 03/03/2018 23:04

He's a fwb you may not be the only one. Sorry op 😔

Does he know your address? Tell him to pack it up and post it to you?

starlightafar · 03/03/2018 23:04

Bet he had a lady friend there Oakley. That's the thing with FWB.

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 03/03/2018 23:08

Thanks...a few things to think about. I'll maybe ask him to post it and draw a line under it I think. This has made me re-think the whole FWB thing.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2018 23:08

I would suggest you tell him that if he doesnt get it back to you tomorrow then you have no choice but to go to the police and report it stolen.

Have you any messages where he accepts and confirms you left it there?

PigletJohn · 03/03/2018 23:09

"I sent it last week. Not my fault if it's been lost in the post"

OlennasWimple · 03/03/2018 23:09

It's surely far more likely that he had someone else there when you came over than he has stolen the bracelet and sold it? What would he get for it anyway? £40-50 in a pawnbrokers?

Original poster
Oakleygirl · 03/03/2018 23:10

Pyong yes I do, he acknowledged that he'd found it last week.

OP posts:
FreeNiki · 03/03/2018 23:11

It's a tough one OP.
Thing is they aren't your partner so although you feel close, they can and probably do see whomever else they like.

I had one a few years ago and although he never mentioned seeing others I once found a comb full of blonde hair in the bathroom. His was dark.

How is the contact normally?

starlightafar · 03/03/2018 23:11

Think is Oakley you have stated twice about how long you've known him and trusted him. That has overcrossed the line between FWB and more. It isn't just sex, from your feelings about him having another one.
That's what FWB is. Not exclusive. Not partners.
I think women can be burned from these relationships. I hope you find your bracelet and that you can revert to your relationships as it was x

starlightafar · 03/03/2018 23:12

FreeNiki did you end it after that? How did it make you feel?
Theres the whole STD thing after that to consider.

Gemini69 · 03/03/2018 23:13

I'd not hesitate in going to the Police... he is avoiding you like the plague...stop making excuses for him and report this ... even if it simply means they escort you to get your property back Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2018 23:13

I wouldnt recommend asking him to post it, as Piglet says, "Oh it must have been lost in the post". Tell him to give you a time to go round tomorrow to pick it up and if he refuses then you will be going to the police first thing on Monday.

Jux · 03/03/2018 23:14

Repor t to police. Tell him you're doing so, and give him an hour to return it, then call cops.

Not tonight though, cops will be v busy Saturday night.. Maybe tomorrow.

Nicknacky · 03/03/2018 23:15

The police are not going to go with the op to retrieve a bracelet. It’s too early to call it theft, it’s not high value and I bet she gets it back when she does eventually see him. I think he is avoiding get for other reasons!

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/03/2018 23:26

My hunch is that he gave it to whoever was in his house since and who doesnt know she isnt his only lover, perhaps thinks she is his full time GF.

But my point about going to the police is that it will probably galvanise him into getting it back to the OP as if he has given i o someone else then he wont want her finding out about the OP.

NoKnownFather · 03/03/2018 23:28

It's obvious he is avoiding you, which makes me think that OW has taken it when she was there, or he has sold it. Regardless, it belongs to you, has great sentimental value and quite expensive, so talk to the police asap. Of course, he won't like to receive a knock on the door from them but he seems to have checked out of the FWB relationship anyway so you don't have much to lose.

Good luck and hope you get it back asap. PS...check local pawn shops, eBay and Gumtree to see if it's for sale. ;-)

FreeNiki · 03/03/2018 23:30

starlightafar I had wondered if he had seen other people given we weren't together as a couple.

Didn't make me feel great.

STIs not a huge concern as everyone knows how to use a condom and are careful in other ways.

Technically he hadnt done anything wrong but yes it put me off him.

You know what I've just remembered cousin came to stay with him for a bit. She's a blonde. Oops. Bet he wonders why I backed off now. Lol.

PorkFlute · 03/03/2018 23:37

If he was going to steal it why would he even acknowledge having found it?

biffyboom · 03/03/2018 23:38

Since he said it was there, he probably was going to give it you back, but likely someone else he has had over has stolen it and he's trying to avoid admitting it.
I agree with the others who have said turn up unannounced at his door.

FleurDeLizzie · 04/03/2018 00:03

Since he said it was there, he probably was going to give it you back, but likely someone else he has had over has stolen it and he's trying to avoid admitting it

My first thought exactly.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 04/03/2018 00:12

I think it all sounds more like he's met someone else and hasn't the heart to tell you than that he's nabbed your bracelet.

I'd tell him that, whatever is going on with you and him, your only priority at the moment is to get your bracelet back and that if you don't hear back from him you'll have no choice but to call the police.

FreeNiki · 04/03/2018 00:19

OP in the gentlest way you seem a little more into him than he is you.

Comments such as think you know someone. He was a fwb, nothing more.

How is contact normally? Do you initiate most often? Have you left things at his home before and potentially used the property you left as a resason for needing to contact him again?

If so accept you may lose what you leave and if you need to do that it isn't worth even keeping as a fwb.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/03/2018 00:44

FWB can be whatever the two people involved choose it to be, no one else gets to define what it is or isn’t Hmm.

Oakley I’m sorry about both things, the bracelet and him being weird. As the bracelet was a present I’d go around tomorrow & knock the door. If he doesn’t answer then send him a text along the lines of ‘I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you know I want my bracelet back. As you won’t give it back to me I’ll have to report it to the police as stolen. I can’t believe it’s come to this’