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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Met a new guy I like but don’t want to rush sex

30 replies

HelloFresh1 · 02/03/2018 21:51

We met last Saturday and had our first date yesterday - he’s calling it the second though! We had a lovely time and he kept making references towards the future. Had a kiss and cuddle outside while waiting for taxis, and he left me with his scarf! Immediately firmed up a third date (dinner) but he wants me to come to him, across London... I feel like he’s moving a bit too fast? I don’t want to sleep with him for as long as possible really; would rather take it slow and get to know him! How do I play this?

OP posts:
Original poster
HelloFresh1 · 02/03/2018 21:52

He seems like he’s looking for something serious but he is a salesman by trade and very charming with it...

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 02/03/2018 21:52

Does he mean to his home? Or just somewhere more local to him?

Whatshallidonowpeople · 02/03/2018 21:52

Why don't you want to sleep with him?

Minus4 · 02/03/2018 21:53

Don’t go to his home. Make sure all the dates are out and you have a way of getting home.

Ducktalesooooh · 02/03/2018 21:53

If you don't, then don't. Go at the speed you feel comfortable with. No need to explain.

Original poster
HelloFresh1 · 02/03/2018 21:56

I do want to sleep with him but don’t want to rush into it. That’s no big deal is it. Not feeling super body confident at the moment and actually not had a serious relationship before really - lots of semi flings but never a serious boyfriend. If this is what it is (it may well not be!) then what’s the harm in taking it slow

OP posts:
ScreamingLevitation · 02/03/2018 21:58

I wouldn't feel comfortable going to a man's house if I'd only met him twice.

How do you play it? Don't be scared to put your foot down. "No, I don't want to, I want to do x instead" is an acceptable thing to say. If he throws a tantrum because you don't want to go to his house on the second date, then he's an arse anyway and it's no great loss.

Original poster
HelloFresh1 · 02/03/2018 21:59

In fairness we’re going to a restaurant but it’s far away from me - I feel like he is hoping I will stay over

OP posts:
Smeaton · 02/03/2018 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HelloFresh1 · 02/03/2018 22:03

I’m just wondering why he’s chosen somewhere so near him - red flag or no

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 02/03/2018 22:04

If the place that he’s suggested is going to be difficult for you to get home from, could you recommend another place nearer to you? That way it won’t end up as a difficult conversation at the end of the night?
Good luck!

Ducktalesooooh · 02/03/2018 22:04

Then don't.

I had many, many relationships and flings that were all about getting me into bed as soon as humanly possible. And I felt like shit every time I slept with someone earlier than I wanted to.

So I stopped. I made the next man wait three months.

We've now been married 11 years.

SneakyGremlins · 02/03/2018 22:04

Have your previous dates been closer to you? Maybe he wants to spend less on a taxi?

Minus4 · 02/03/2018 22:04

Suggest somewhere else or make sure he knows you intend to go home.

PARunnerGirl · 02/03/2018 22:05

I think it’s easier than you are (over) thinking it. You don’t want to sleep with him yet. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever want to. I’d make sure I had a definite way to get home (book a taxi or whatever), have a great night (hopefully!) and text him from the taxi to tell him you can’t wait to see him again. When and if there comes a time when you want to sleep with him, you’ll know and feel it. Smile Trust your instincts!

KC225 · 02/03/2018 22:09

Agree with the poster above saying don't go to his home or to a hotel room. He is obviously into you, so tell him up front you like him and fancy him but you don't want to rush things. Have been married forever but when I said it up front it didn't seem to put anyone off. Of course, if he likes you he doesn't want to cone across as an insensitive dick or he may see it as a challenge.

lightoflaluna · 02/03/2018 22:09

There's no way of knowing. Maybe he's trying to get you to stay over, maybe it's just a place he loves and wants to share with you. I've experienced someone who seemed very keen on me, made out he wanted something serious with me and then ghosted not long after.

Just go, be careful not to drink very much and stick to your guns about going home alone. Maybe wear ugly knickers as an extra disincentive!

fabulousfrumpyfeet · 02/03/2018 22:09

I think if you feel he is making assumptions, and if you fear you won't be strong enough to challenge that at the time, then make it clear beforehand that you fully intend to go home, have a plan in place (know the train times/prebook a taxi) and stick to it.

ThisLittleKitty · 02/03/2018 22:09

Did you post last night on here about a text he sent or was that someone else??

LanaorAna2 · 02/03/2018 22:10

I'm with you OP, that sounds like a move on you. Sometimes people trying to get you into bed can be wearying, you're right to wait. Either suggest somewhere between you both or book a cab home before you leave for the evening.

Nice re the scarf tho :)

Ohyesiam · 02/03/2018 22:12

Give yourself complete permission to only do it how you want.
Why do people keep mentioning taxis? This is London, ask night tubes fur him to get back home.
Set the boundaries, not in a foot stamping" do what I want " way. In an in touch with your instincts, I know what's right for me kind of a way.
Enjoy it op.

stopbeingadramallama · 02/03/2018 22:18

@ThisLittleKitty nah, same poster.

ThisLittleKitty · 02/03/2018 22:24

Oh right I thought so but wasn't sure. because that message sounded like he wanted to get you into bed so personally I would be wary about going to his area if that's not what you want.

Original poster
HelloFresh1 · 03/03/2018 11:40

Ok well I’m going to probably but go back home after - not telling him this beforehand but will book for a week night and not bring sleeping stuff etc - shouldn’t have to explain myself to him anyway :)

OP posts:
Jaygee61 · 03/03/2018 11:52

YANBU for not wanting to rush sex. I wouldn’t either.