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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you employ household staff if money were no object?

266 replies

UnsuspectedItem · 02/03/2018 14:51

I'm a Nanny and I work in a household of 20+ staff. Mum doesn't work.
I was wondering today whether, if money were no object, I'd have a similar set up or not.

For context, there are several children, each with their own nanny and I manage those nannies, in a "Head Nanny" role.
There are also several housekeepers, butlers, maids, chauffeurs etc.
The family consists of the children and both parents.

I think I'd HAVE to go out to work, even though I wouldn't need to, as I get bored incredibly easily. But I suspect that I'd get bored of my job and then end up starting new things again and again. (In short, I'd suck at being wealthy)

Before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, this is in AIBU because it was going to be "AIBU to be uncomfortable with the idea of household staff?" but then I thought I'd get ripped apart for not being neutral

OP posts:
veuveo · 02/03/2018 20:02

I'd have a cleaner/housekeeper come in every morning for an hour when I take kids to school/walk the dog. Keep on top of cleaning/laundry
Maybe a chef.

Fionne · 02/03/2018 20:03

Are the maids free to leave if they want to?

I doubt it if they live where I think they live.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 02/03/2018 20:09

Money IS an object and I still pay for a gardener. I would pay for a cleaner if I didn't live with somebody who loves cleaning.

I'd never exploit someone though - they would have fair pay and good working conditions etc.

I wouldn't be comfortable with 20 people in my house.

TheyBuiltThePyramids · 02/03/2018 20:14

Have you not signed a confidentiality agreement OP? From my experience you are on very dodgy ground here, as this set up is not common even amongst the uber rich. If I recognized you as working for a client (and luckily I don't) , I would be having some very strong words.

Fionne · 02/03/2018 20:21

I wouldn't be comfortable with 20 people in my house

I think the house is so large you wouldn't notice the 20 people.

Im getting the idea of compound living with the grandparents living in the main building and their adult children living in houses surrounding the main one. Its just another way of doing extended family living.

Fionne · 02/03/2018 20:22

From my experience you are on very dodgy ground here, as this set up is not common even amongst the uber rich.|

Its very common in the part of the world where I think the OP is.

fedup2017 · 02/03/2018 20:26

I'm going to be boring and go against the grain but I would hate having any live in staff. I can't relax properly if people other than immediate family are in the house. Plus I get uncomfortable in a restaurant if someone takes my coat!

Tbh we could probably afford a cleaner now but I hate the idea of a stranger in the house - it would feel like an invasion of privacy. However, thinking about it, I own a business and so have a PA via that but she only deals with work stuff (so I might be a bit of a hypocrite!)

An acquaintance I know via toddler group has come into some money.... they have bought a massive mansionhouse and are going to employ live in staff. He works but she is a SAHM. I don't know If I am suppressing some deep jealousy but I wouldnt swap places with her. I'd rather have my smaller cosy house to myself ( well DH and DCs too) and if I had the cash splurge it on some awesome holidays and boat somewhere hot! but each to their own.

HotCrossBunFight · 02/03/2018 20:30

I've lived in SE Asia where it's pretty common to have a live in maid. We had one for around 6 months but I hated it. We referred her on to some friends. I missed the privacy.

Scarlet1234 · 02/03/2018 20:32

Yes!! Cleaner, chauffeur, cook and PA! But I'd work.

Mabelface · 02/03/2018 20:34

Fuck yes! I'd have a housekeeper/cook and chauffeur, not live in though.

PodgeBod · 02/03/2018 21:01

I've given this some thought whilst looking at houses to buy with my eventual Euro millions win.
I would want an older housekeeper and handyman couple to live in a gorgeous cottage on my grounds. The housekeeper would adore my children and bake yummy treats. I would probably have a cleaner as well to come in for a couple of hours daily as well. The handyman would do repairs and look after the garden.
I wouldn't mind a nanny either but I love looking after my kids and wouldn't want that taken over too much- maybe part time a couple of days a week so I can go to fabulous bars and lay in with a hangover. I also plan to bring her on holiday so I can actually enjoy myself. Not too bothered about a cook.

juddyrockingcloggs · 02/03/2018 21:05

I would have an housekeeper and a chef but no way would I have a nanny! I would love to be able to do all school runs and be with him all through the holidays!

Jamiefraserskilt · 02/03/2018 21:14

I would have a Mrs Wembley and a gardener. Definitely.

splishysplashy · 03/03/2018 02:19

I have a housekeeper and a driver, but this is common for expats in Asia. Not having to cook and clean is great - I couldn't have held down my job and spent time with the kids without the help. It makes a huge difference leaving work and coming home to help kids with homework and do bedtime rather than rushing through that to cook dinner and get the laundry done in an evening as well.
The major downside is how having help impacts on your children, because there is always someone to do things for them, and they get used to it. You do see some children being pretty horrible to the family's staff, since the maid or driver rarely feels it is their job to push back and request better manners - as a parent you have to be there to manage this. Easy enough if you're not working, but far more of a challenge if you are.
Live-in staff tend to be quite discreet and although of course you can't wander around with no underwear on, apart from that I don't find it an invasion of privacy, in fact I'm mainly just grateful for having babysitting easily to hand! The main thing is recruiting the right people for your family (easier said than done), for them and for you.

Ditzyitzy · 03/03/2018 04:14

I’d employ a cleaner and a gardener but wouldn’t want anyone living in or popping in daily. I wouldn’t get a nanny, my 5 year old is at school and with his dad 3/4 weekends. I think being raised by your own personal nanny with a head nanny if your mum is around and nothing is quite sad actually, but I’m sure I’ll get called jealous Grin

Peanutbuttercheese · 03/03/2018 04:24

DH family had housekeeper and when my family lived in Siuth Afruca before I was born they had a few servants and also a Nanny.

I have had cleaners quite often.

If I had been rich enough I would have employed a nightime Nanny.

Wobbleslikeaweeble · 03/03/2018 07:42

Yes, had a live in maid for a few years. Had pros and cons and happy not having one now - but i’d consider having paid help again - probably not live in though.

stillgoingstrong · 03/03/2018 07:51

Some friends of mine have one member of staff who has no specific role but provides a general hand around the home. Years ago they used to do B and B and she was originally employed to clean the rooms and cook the breakfasts, they stopped doing that years ago but kept her on.

She helps with cleaning, washing/ironing, horses, occasional childcare, occasional cooking etc. No two days are the same. I'm not sure whether she is full time or not. Dad works, Mum doesn't work as such but is one of those sorts of people who is always busy as they are actively involved in lots of organisations etc.

In an ideal world I'd like that. They have a fantastic relationship which is why it works so well for them, so I think that's really important

MrsMozart · 03/03/2018 07:53

Not so long ago I'd have said no, but now I think a housekeeper and a gardener would be grand. Life is so full on that half the time I don't know whether I'm coming or going or b'n. Not sure I'd want 24/7 though, unless the person had their own self-contained accommodation. I'd also worry about their long-term prospects if no home of their own.

legaladvicepls · 03/03/2018 07:55

Yes! I wouldn't have a nanny I'd still use a nursery but I would have had help when ds was tiny absolutely. I'd definitely have a housekeeper and a chef! I'd like to think of be a nice boss though and not fussy or demanding. Ooh I'd also have a driver because although I can drive i don't because I hate it.

I'd still work because I'd be bored shitless but maybe not as many hours.

raisedbyguineapigs · 03/03/2018 08:05

I wouldn't want someone in my house all the time ( but I suppose if money was no object, I'd have a 'wing' they could all live in Grin )I would without a doubt have someone to come in and clean my house every day or other day and do the ironing. Out of interest, if the mum doesn't work and has a nanny for each child, does she spend much time with the children? I think I'd have a nanny for when I was at work but I'd want to do things like dinnertime and bedtime myself, so I wouldnt see the point of having several nannies.

YimminiYoudar · 03/03/2018 08:11

I don't think I would have any full-time on-site staff. I value privacy. I would employ someone to be a housekeeper/project manager type which might well be full time but I wouldn't want them in my house all the time - they could have an office elsewhere or work from home to do things like managing bills and organising other workers. I'd have a meeting with them once a week and they might need to come to the house occasionally for supervisory purposes.

They would organise:
A weekly visit from a gardener
Twice weekly cleaner
Once a week visiting chef
Any odd-jobs/regular maintenance inspections and repairs to all fabric of the house and services therein (eg boiler, wiring etc)

I would have a regular account with a babysitting service rather than a nanny, and likewise a regular account with a taxi service rather than a chauffeur.

I can't imagine having such a high-maintenance lifestyle as to be able to keep 20 people busy full time to service the needs of one family!

lynmilne65 · 03/03/2018 08:18

I'd love to cook for somebody!!

GrainOfSalt · 03/03/2018 08:19

Yes, I'll have a gardener, cleaner and someone to do the laundry. (But they can all live out, I will give them cottages on the estate). Oh yes, and a farm manager to manage the rest of the estate. And more farm workers in more cottages. I don't want a nanny as the bit I like is being with DS and I could give up work and we would travel the world and home educate full time rather than part time. Grin

Lifeisabeach09 · 03/03/2018 12:28

Live-out nanny and housekeeper, definitely.