to ask if anyone on here regrets going back to work after dc, and not being a sahp?

[mammyoftwo]

Context: It's a snowy day here..........beautiful stop-you-in-your-tracks-to-look-at-them snowflakes.....it's spent playing outside, coming inside for home baking, snuggling by the fire with books and an all round "good day".

(For full disclosure, I fully acknowledge we have plenty of "not good days" with two toddlers).

But anyways, it got me to thinking...............................................so often on here I read threads about "I don't want to give up my career for my children"/"Do you regret being a sahp" etc, etc etc....... you get the gist.

So today, having had a "good day", I'm going to be bold and brave enough to ask it.............................................does anyone back in paid work after children regret it?
I'd have hated to miss out on all that we did today. Things aren't easy, we've made sacrifices in spending for one parent to be "at home" but it's a choice we made as we believe it works best for our family.

I guess it depends on the circles you move in. I know very few SAHMs, especially not those with school age DC. The ones I do know can’t earn enough to pay childcare, so haven’t really chosen not to work. Pretty much everyone I know with a professional job works (either FT or PT) and uses some kind of paid childcare.

you’d earn whatever your capabilities allow you to?

That's not true either actually I was heading towards a promising and potentially much more lucrative career in psychology before deciding to retrain as a nurse. I don't think anyone ever got rich nursing It was certainly never my motivation for doing it!

“With regards to financial contribution to society, my DH is in the highest earning tax bracket. You could argue that as a couple (by me staying at home enabling him to do his job and have a family) we contribute more tax than 2 full time working low income parents who are claiming child tax credits, funded hours at nursery etc. (I certainly used to pay a tiny amount of tax on my nurses salary).”

I was referring to this^^ where you indicate that if you weren’t a SAHM you’d both be low earners claiming tax credits

How can you "work at home" and look after small kids?
Get up before they do and work, stay up after they do and work, work when they nap, work when they are watching TV or playing.
I did it for 10 years.

Me and dh take turns over a few years of being ft or pt and main carer. Wouldn't want to do either exclusively for 18years

I am glad I went back to work! Sure it's hard to juggle but once they are at school it's quite boring on my two home days per week. There is only so much Bargain Hunt/Tipping Point you can take!

Some people may say that. I certainly don’t want any societal appreciation for bringing up my own children. It was something I chose to do as I felt it was best for them and I couldn’t really care less if people disagree.
People basically saying that sahms must be stupid not to need the stimulation of work is kind of insulting though. Maybe they sit passively with the tv on when they are with their children but actively parenting, getting out and meeting people and teaching your child new skills can be as mentally stimulating as you make it.

I agree that it depends on the circles you move in as well. Most of the parents I know one or the other has been their child’s primary carer until school age. And they are mainly professionals.
I guess if you work you have less opportunity to meet other Sahps and are more likely to mix with other working parents.

pork- so true.

And even Claras quite boring on my two home days per week. There is only so much Bargain Hunt/Tipping Point you can take

Sad that a grown woman chooses to sit and watch TV on her days off.

Porkflute you need to stop denigrating other women who make different choices to you. There are good parents and bad parents, and this is an entirely different issue from
Whether parents work or not.

I didn’t sit passively in front of shit tv with my kids because I value different things. I loved teaching my children new things.

It’s also quite possible to have both parents around all day not working and it doesn’t necessarily mean the children are getting quality interaction you know!

I was referring to this^^ where you indicate that if you weren’t a SAHM you’d both be low earners claiming tax credits

No I didn't indicate that... you've misunderstood my point. I was saying you can't make like for like comparisons. Some pp on this thread have made sweeping generalizations about how SAHMs don't contribute financially to the economy through tax etc. I was just saying that you can't possibly make statements like that because each individual persons situation is completely different. And that both parents in "paid work" doesn't automatically equal "more tax contributions" than one parent in paid work and one parent at home.

To those saying, they're glad to be a WOHM because it gives them independence if their marriage fucks up, a SAHP can divorce and claim maintenance and equity to compensate for their contribution to the family/loss of career prospects?

I'm not sure many payouts compensate adequately for future earning potential? Spousal maintenance is not seen as the norm now.

I don't regret going back to work, but I do regret doing everything I could to make life easier for them as employers....not requesting changed or shortened hours etc as got made redundant 10 months after returning. Wish they'd done it while I was on maternity leave so I didn't have to make the decision to go back in the first place.

Not all SAHPs are married peppers!

No peppers,the expectation is increasingly that woman work on divorce and do not depend on spousal maintenance

Notably, Wright vs Wright. The judge had been critical of the wife’s failure to attempt to gain employment. Spousal maintenance would be scaled down over the following 6 years to enable the wife to improve her earning capacity Judge concluded that by the time of the husband’s retirement he should no longer be paying spousal maintenance.

Not all SAHPs are married peppers!

More fool them!

Are you aware of social changes in cohabitation peppers,it’s quite the thing
Nearly half of family units are unmarried adults with kids

I regret being a SAHM for so long, if anything.

I work now and I am so much happier for it. My self-esteem and confidence has soared. I love looking at my wages knowing I earned it. I love the challenges I face at work and making a difference. I feel like I am a much better mum now I work and my time at home is more precious. I enjoy the children more.

I am lucky that I currently have a really good work and home life balance. For now.

I also wish I had a much bigger pension than I do now. I am studying in the hopes that it will lead to a better paid job in the future. I am 36 and while it isn't too late, it would have been easier to do when younger.

If I could turn back time I would not have been a SAHM for so long.

Spousal support is getting rarer and shouldn't ever be counted on. Plus who would want to have an ex support them, I'd be ashamed of that. Child support is the same regardless of work status and a joint house means split equity,

Having financial independence means you can support yourself and your children straight away and employers aren't rushing to employ people who have been sat home for years.

Id also feel wrong if not paying taxes yet still expect healthcare, schooling etc.

Indig0 I’m sorry I hadn’t seen you replied. Just wanted to say I know some amazing women too who have become SAHM and I agree you can’t always have 2 full pelt Careers with children.

Absofrigginlootly- my issue was that this comes up again and again- my husband is a High rate tax payer. We contribute more than 2 people on standard rate. Well that’s not really the point. The point is society would be recieving tax contributions from 1 higher rate payer + 1 other, be that standard rate or another higher rate. Plus the contributions for the people you employ to care for your children. There is no doubt society in general wins from working parents.

You can have two ft careers and children.plenty folk do it.

The point is society would be recieving tax contributions from 1 higher rate payer + 1 other, be that standard rate or another higher rate

In our case no it wouldn't. DH could not work in his job as a higher rate tax payer without me at home. Honestly

There is no doubt society in general wins from working parents.

Depends on ones definition of winning

An adult with specialist skills couldn’t undertake employment without a sahm
Don’t believe that. If he’s as capable as you say he’d problem solve and chuck money at it
He’d simply pay for the required tasks.domestic,food prep etc