Husband's mistress being in our house

[HerveLeger]

My husband has been having an affair and is now divorcing me. He told me about the affair on the telephone whilst I was in hospital for two weeks over Christmas and new year. When I got home, it turns out she had stayed with him all that time - he had announced to everyone in the village that he was seeing someone else, took her to the local pub and even asked friends of ours round to dinner. I was only told this (by other people) when I got back home in January. He has told me he wants me out of the house by Easter, so she can move in. I've refused and told him I'm going nowhere until he buys me out and I get the cash. I've also said I don't want her in our house whilst I'm still living here. He gets very intimidating towards me and quite frankly, I'm scared of him. But he thinks I am being utterly unreasonable as 'it is his house too'. I've only known about the affair and that he wants a divorce since the end of December. I'm scared of the future financially - I only work part time, he is a high earner - and my world has been turned upside down. My home (for now) is my safe space and I don't want her in it. AIBU?

Do you own the house in joint names-paying equally?

What a dirt bag.
He'll do the same to her in the future.

The OW and him sound like they're made for each other. Think yourself lucky that he's somebody else's problem now but STAY in your house. It's your home.

Being controlled by an ex is something I'm very familiar with. Gaining the trust of your joint friends in order to isolate you and make you look like a crazy woman are standard tactics. He thinks you'll break and he'll win.

You'll have to get some strength from somewhere and be prepared to sit it out with the support of a good divorce lawyer. Good luck

He's an utter wanker, and I bet most of the people in the village think so, too. Who the hell cheats on their partner in the family home while their partner is in hospital?!

Other people here have given better advice than me, but I'd agree with the need to document everything (including any verbal threats or intimidation that he tries), and don't allow him to bully him out of your home. If you feel physically threatened by him at any point, ring the police.

Good luck, OP. What a bastard - you will be well rid of him.

Hi OP
Have a look at Wikivorce website forum!
It's great to get advice from people in same situation or just look for topics related to financial settlements etc. Good Luck

Other people have said it all before but just wanted to offer my support and say that he's an absolute idiot and you are being so strong, keep up the good work OP! Does he really think that he's in the clear and he can now just flaunt his affair and do whatever the fuck he likes just because he's filed for a divorce? What a dickhead.

And I'm with the other people who say that its madness that any other woman would willingly stay in your home. Maybe he's spun her some lies as well. Did she know you were in hospital?? Maybe he just told her you left him or something? Have you ever thought about getting in touch with her to see what her side of the story is?

How could she stay there in your family home with all your things there? Your clothes hanging in the wardrobe, family pictures, all your personal things - underwear in the drawers! Its genuinely sickening to think about. I'd be tempted to get in touch with her just to verbally tear a few strips off her to be honest. She should be majorly ashamed of herself.

The Ba¥++Rd. Get everything written down - make sure he can't find it and read it. Email it to your solicitor and make an appointment ASAP. If this snow is stopping you getting out then book a phone appt with your solicitor
What kind of man would behave like this. I bet some so called friends are secretly appalled at his behaviour and those who think it's great aren't worth having as your friends.

GET A LAWYER

I highly recommend Stowe family law. decent rates for what they deliver

rember that he is a cunt, and she is a cunt. Karma will eventually bite them, but his bullying needs to stop. He has clearly convinced himself on a sociopathic way he is right, you and the lawyers can disabuse him of this.

stay strong. This is a marathon not a sprint so do do what you can to keep yourself, well and healthy. educate yourself, and consider working FT

I am assuming (hoping!) no kids involved?

By the way, this piece of shit OW has done you a favour in a weird way. you have now got this abusive piece of shit husband out of your life. So I am pleased that despite the hurt you can see this. No more abusive men OP

My jaw is on the floor at this he had OW in your marital home with your friends?!

The judge will have a field day with him!

Hugs to you OP in a few years you will look back on this and thank the OW for taking this prick off your hands

Don't spare him any blushes. Don't have a scrap of embarrassment. Be very open with all and sundry about what is going on. About his laughable expenditure to snag and pursue this ow; about his treatment of you; about them getting it on in your home while you were in hospital. He's comoletely without shame so make sure everyone knows the dirt before you swan off with hopefully a large cgunk of the assets.
Document all his expenditure that is out of character. Be brutal. What an awful excuse for a human he is.

I don't think this behaviour is terribly rare sadly. There is a certain type of man who likes to shit on their own doorstep. My exH picked up his women at work and used to take his OW to our house when I was out with the children and even introduced her and her child to our youngest DC at our house when he was too young to know better.

He also did the taking her out with our mutual friends thing. It pissed me off more than anything that they all kept his secret with the excuse that "we did not think we should get involved"! Not surprisingly I am not friends with any of them now.

Bloody hell what an absolute &@^@! Echoing what everyone else has said. Get a solicitor and divorce him asap, make sure you mention bringing her into the house whilst you're in hospital etc. Name her as co-defendant. Seek advice from the police and Behind Closed Doors (I found both really helpful). Talk through financial options with a solicitor. Do not move out, if needs be you can call the police and have him removed if his behaviour is threatening. Stay safe OP, sorry this is happening

What a bastard! The OW isn't much better. They both must be a couple of psychopaths to behave like this so you will be well off out of the marriage. Most people in the village will agree even if they don't tell him so. Don't let him intimidate you- if you want to stay in the house until this is sorted out then stay.

OP. so what does your lawyer say about your legal rights and remedies in this situation?

Change the locks, OP. It's a very legit thing to do.

He can come and collect his things from home with a mutual friend of yours. You should be at home with a friend or close sibling while he takes his things. This could require a few visits.

Do not pack anything.
Do absolutely change your locks. Get a solicitor.

Whatever you do - don't give him an opportunity to change the locks. Make sure you have copies of all financials, etc....

Also, ditch those bastard friends who had dinner with him and the mistress while you were in hospital, they can fuck off too!

This was my first thought. What cunts.

Get advice from your lawyer/the police about his rights to access the house over this period.

Will you be able to afford the house on your own when everything is finalised? If not then you may be just prolonging the inevitable. Do what you need to do to make things easier on yourself. That might mean walking away so you are not tormented by them both.

Exactly! He will change the locks given any chance. Get there first! Do it now, OP. DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN THE HOUSE.
It is a totally appropriate response and you would not be in the wrong doing this.
Get a good solicitor. Go to Wikivorce- excellent forum there!

You're right to stand your ground and push him to buy you out, eventually it's very likely that you'll both have to sell the house and share the proceeds. You need to make sure you get what you're owed, your lawyer will advise you on the best course of action.

I'm sorry this has happened, OP, he and the OW have really treated you like shit.

This is outrageous. Please tell me your friends didn't go.

What utter scum, both of them. (And the so-called friends who had a cosy dinner with them. ) I echo what others have said about getting a lawyer, fast. Let him move in with her and buy you out. Go absolutely nowhere and if he starts getting intimidating - call the police. They will make him leave (at least temporarily) if he starts threatening you in any way. Then if it happens repeatedly, some kind or restraining order or occupation order will be possible. A lawyer will be able to advise.

You can't legally change the locks, and neither can he (as I'm sure your solicitor will advise you). The cross-petition sounds a good piece of advice though.

OP has already stated that she has a lawyer. I don't think you are allowed to change the locks if he also owns the house. That is possibly the kind of thing that will be cited as "unreasonable behaviour"