Husband's mistress being in our house

[HerveLeger]

My husband has been having an affair and is now divorcing me. He told me about the affair on the telephone whilst I was in hospital for two weeks over Christmas and new year. When I got home, it turns out she had stayed with him all that time - he had announced to everyone in the village that he was seeing someone else, took her to the local pub and even asked friends of ours round to dinner. I was only told this (by other people) when I got back home in January. He has told me he wants me out of the house by Easter, so she can move in. I've refused and told him I'm going nowhere until he buys me out and I get the cash. I've also said I don't want her in our house whilst I'm still living here. He gets very intimidating towards me and quite frankly, I'm scared of him. But he thinks I am being utterly unreasonable as 'it is his house too'. I've only known about the affair and that he wants a divorce since the end of December. I'm scared of the future financially - I only work part time, he is a high earner - and my world has been turned upside down. My home (for now) is my safe space and I don't want her in it. AIBU?

[wysteriafloribunba]

You'll find a lot of friends stay in contact with where the money is. Drop them. Others will do anything they can to support you. They are your REAL friends.

Lawyer up now, and don't move out. He is trying to intimidate you as he knows your rights and doesn't want you to enforce them.

[Helsingborg]

Agree to what everyone has to say and do it asap and discreetly. Don't tell him your plans to stay put and seek legal advice because he'll increase his intimidation tactics.

Tell your solicitor everything including that your husband notified you of your affair whilst you were in hospital. Also inform the solicitor that the ow moved in whilst you were seriously ill in hospital. It's very important that you present the facts as they are. People can then come to their own conclusions & see what a nasty bastard he is.

[QualityDogWrangler2]

It amazes me, how men can be so horrible, but over the years I’ve encountered a few. They break your heart, and then you see them carrying on and being nice to friends family and work colleagues, as if nothing has happened. And you wonder how ?
Present husband, who was previously divorced many years ago, has often said in arguments, as can leave and take the children, as he has no intention of losing his home again ( sweet) makes you feel really insecure.

Also keeps turning the heat off in this weather..! I should join that thread too.

Don’t leave the house, I think you need family support and specialist advice..horrible situation for you OP. I hope you have friends who can help and even maybe stay with you x I’ve seen lots of threads where I’ll women are deserted by their husbands. Mine would be the same, he’s been useless when I’ve been ill, had children etc.

[Helsingborg]

Correction. Notified you of his affair not yours. Apologies.

[hibbledibble]

Op I'm glad you have a solicitor.

I don't have much to add over what has already been said. Of course he is being utterly unreasonable.

It is worth having the contact details of woman's aid handy in case you need advice regarding your safety. You have every right to stay in the house till he buys you out, but your safety comes first.

[Enuffsenuffsenuff]

What a piece of sh*t. He is beyond vile, and honestly any woman happy to move into your house with your husband knowing you were in hospital is welcome to him.

I think you need a lawyer, and you need to stand your ground. Don't leave until he has paid you what he owes you for the house. If he doesn't like it he can move in with the other woman.

It's scary and awful now OP but you're about to be free of this total fuckface and your life is going to be so much better. Stand your ground now and know that you're going through the worst and it will get better!

Also, ditch those bastard friends who had dinner with him and the mistress while you were in hospital, they can fuck off too!

[Undercoverbanana]

I am amazed that no-one has called him on this behaviour! Mutual friends? Family? Even the OW must know that this is outrageous behaviour. How can she think that going to your home is appropriate?

Have you got friends to support you through this?

So sorry you are experiencing this. You will be ok. In fact you will be better than ok. Keep strong.

[Undercoverbanana]

Oh - and get your money separate. Your wages are your wages. They are not for funding his affair and fancy-arse clothes.

[george49]

You've got your head screwed on right

Mine did this (he told me I was being unreasonable by making her feel uncomfortable). Just follow your lawyers advice and don't question yourself. Someone who starts out like this will be a cunt over everything so take him for everything you're entitled to and then never look back.

Good luck

[Valentinesfart]

Speak to the police and a laywer as that's some Jeremy Kyle level bullshit. In fact, you might want to sad face for the Daily Mail, they'd love this and from now on whenever anyone googles your idiot ex's name they'll see he's a loon.

However, while it is your house too, don't put yourself or you health in danger if you think he is a risk. Definitely speak to woman's aid too while you're making calls.

[BlondeB83]

Get a solicitor and divorce him for adultery. Next, make sure you get every penny you can from the lying, cheating scumbag!

[rollingonariver]

Oh op. What a twat, sounds like you're better off without him anyway.
Definitely stay put. You have a right to 50% of everything including the house. If you need to leave though I don't think it changes your rights to 50% of everything. Your safety is the most important thing, call the police if you have to.

[Echobelly]

No, he is being a bully and trying to intimidate you out. Don't let him, get a good solicitor and stand your ground. He's the one who decided to break off the marriage, not you, he needs to accept the consequences. Good luck, and sorry you're in this awful situation.

[GrannyGrissle]

Well i'm sure all the people he flaunted his vile affair infront of have a very high opinion of him now .
Do you have a musclebound knuckledragging family member or friend who can move in with you for support. I hope you are recovering post hospital as best you can with this cunt in your life.

[Treacletoots]

Actually a bit shocked here, and I had a boyfriend do the same to me years ago,with another man. He used to bring him home and when I tried to sell the house would do everything in their power to mess up the place.

If only I'd taken legal advice at the time! Glad to see you've got a solicitor. I think you need to go 100% bastard on him. Freeze the bank accounts. Change the locks, file for abuse. Do not let him get away with anything.

Karma is a bitch. He'll get herpes, she'll leave him for a younger man and when he tries to come crawling back your new gorgeous partner will wave to him from your bedroom window. Sorry, I get a bit over creative. But you will be ok and he regret it. Big time.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Photocopy all financial documents that you can find, esp bank statements and salary slips. Document everything that happens, with date (and time if poss).

^^This. Begin protecting yourself now op. Do you have access to all bank accounts?

[FitBitFanClub]

Leaving all the other beyond credible shit aside, he invited your friends round for dinner with his OW in your house? While you were ill in hospital? And they CAME????

What the fuck sort of friends are these?

Sounds as if you're well off getting out of this one asap. And take him to the bloody cleaners financially as well.

[Aeroflotgirl]

What a nasty piece of work he is, they deserve one another. You stay put, consult a solicitor ASAP.

[Rosielily]

Very glad you've engaged a Solicitor. I'm sure you've been advised to protect your interest in the property if you hadn't already done so, and advised to make a new will? Also dig out any life insurance/assurance policies etc to change the beneficiary from him. Good luck.

[JaneEyre70]

I'm trying to get my head around the fact that another woman would willingly stay in a house surrounded by someone elses belongings....... she must have the hide of a bloody rhinocerous like your DH.

I think the best way to fight him is legally. And talk to Women's Aid about his behaviour. Stay strong

[Ickyockycocky]

💐💐💐

So sorry to read this OP, yes a shit hot lawyer ASAP.