Husband's mistress being in our house

[HerveLeger]

My husband has been having an affair and is now divorcing me. He told me about the affair on the telephone whilst I was in hospital for two weeks over Christmas and new year. When I got home, it turns out she had stayed with him all that time - he had announced to everyone in the village that he was seeing someone else, took her to the local pub and even asked friends of ours round to dinner. I was only told this (by other people) when I got back home in January. He has told me he wants me out of the house by Easter, so she can move in. I've refused and told him I'm going nowhere until he buys me out and I get the cash. I've also said I don't want her in our house whilst I'm still living here. He gets very intimidating towards me and quite frankly, I'm scared of him. But he thinks I am being utterly unreasonable as 'it is his house too'. I've only known about the affair and that he wants a divorce since the end of December. I'm scared of the future financially - I only work part time, he is a high earner - and my world has been turned upside down. My home (for now) is my safe space and I don't want her in it. AIBU?

That's horrific. You're in an abusive relationship. Like other people have said, contact Women's Aid for advice.

He sounds horrible. Don't move out until he has actually bought you out.

He wants you to walk off and leave your home to him, for his convenience! I hope that you have somebody who could move in with you to protect you from his temper and his threats.

Who the friggin hell does he think he is?!
Step 1: know your rights
Step 2: use them to their fullest extent

I'm sorry you're going through this

If he intimidates you, call the police.

Do not leave that house. If you do you won't get back in.
Get copies of everything.
Contact a solicitor and keep a diary of the harassment.
I'm so sorry.
How OW can live with themselves is beyond me.

Christ on a speed boat! Have you consulted a lawyer?

What star said. Do not move. Get angry but keep cool. Get advice.

Have you any dc?

Get a solicitor and take the bastard for as much as you can.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, i promise you’ll get through to the other side though

It may be possible to get an occupation order which means your husband being excluded from the property. It depends on how abusive and threatening he is being and whether there has been violence in the recent past. Speak to a solicitor, if you have a local law centre they are a good place to start. Shelter will also give advice about your rights. You have matrimonial home rights and at least an equal right to be living in the property. Seek help.

Photocopy all financial documents that you can find, esp bank statements and salary slips.
Document everything that happens, with date (and time if poss).
Find yourself a good solicitor.
See CAB if there's one near you or one you can get to.
Use the entitle-to site to get an idea of how you might be able to get in Tax Credits and other benefits.
Do you have children? If so get onto CMS asap.

What a complete arsehole! How dare he have the audacity to treat you like this.

You do not deserve for any of these disgusting behaviours or attitudes to have taken place, or been directed at you - especially in your own home. And how the thing he wants to shack up with can live with herself knowing how revolting he’s being is beyond me - unless she doesn’t know of the full circumstances (I’m not defending her in the slightest by the way).

Please seek legal advice asap. This cunt cannot take your home away. You will get through this

What a prick.
Some good advice on here, OP.
for you

Sounds like a cunt and you dont need that in your life op

Get to a solicitor

Yeah you need a solicitor

What a knob

@pallisers And what kind of a woman not only has an affair but walks into the other woman's house while she is in hospital. Does this woman know the gem she is having a fling with?

Sounds like the OP's husband and this woman deserve each other to be honest.

As a few posters have said, get a divorce lawyer NOW @herveleger and file for adultery. The law will be on your side, even if you have no kids.

Call the police too and report his threats and intimidation...

Words fail me. What a pair of cunts. (Your DH and his 'mistress!') I hope it all falls apart for them within a year.

What do all your mutual friends think by the way???

Sadly, I have known similar things happen to a couple of women I know. Husband has just announced to his wife/partner - and everyone else at the same time, that it's over, and he and his new woman are setting up home.

Cunts.

You need a solicitor. How long have you been married? Do you have children?

Do you have details of his salary, pension etc? You could be entitled to a shar of his pension too.

Take him for every bastard penny op.

Hit him where it hurts- his wallet.

I am not often gonsmacked on here but with this- jeez. This is shocking.

Sit tight, chin up, and do not move.

So sorry you're in this situation

You're well rid

Omg. Shocking behaviour. He's thinking with his penis. He will get a rude awakening soon!

Ring all your local support lines and a solicitor. He has zero rights, let him and his tramp buy a tent. Furious for you.

You definitely need a good solicitor. His (and her) behaviour is disgusting. You poor thing.
I hope you have friends in real life you could lean on.

Do you have any DC?

Spend the day photocopying and filing away oiginal copies of every single account, certifcate, pensions that you have.

Call the lawyers today and file today for divorce.

Call your work and ask for a few weeks off.

If you have family and close friends, call them now and ask them to come over to give you emotional support.

Personally I would be changing the bloody all the locks, and his stuff would be in bin liners outside by 5pm. There is absolutely no way he would be back in the house ever.

How dare he do this to you? To say you are well rid of this scumbag is an understatement.

Do you not move out.

What a nasty piece of shit he is and the OW isnt any better.

I hope no one took him up on his offer of dinner but i suspect some did and acted like it was perfectly normal.

Well that seems fairly unanimous! Thank you for the support and advice. To address a few issues - he is divorcing me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour, the petition has been filed. I am fully lawyered up! I agreed the marriage has irretrievably broken down but did not accept the grounds cited. We don't have children - we wanted to, but couldn't. My soon to be former husband is bullying and controlling, but insidiously rather than overtly abusive. I have an exit plan should I need to remove myself from an unsafe situation.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but he is so adamant I am, that I began to waver. He is away about 3 nights a week, leaving me to look after 'his' dogs (we have three, two older dogs and a recalcitrant puppy; he's keeping the puppy and her mother) which I've had enough of as the puppy is hard work. I said I couldn't look after them this weekend as I had plans - his solution was for him & her to return part way through their dirty weekend away and look after the dogs in this house, leaving before I got back. I said I couldn't agree to her being here and he got annoyed - hence my post. Oh and he's spent nearly £1k LAST MONTH ALONE on meals and hotels with her. Which is a lot. He's also bought an entire new wardrobe - he never bought clothes before, and when he did it was M&S. Now it's Gant and Massimo Dutti. I'm hurt and upset at the way this has happened, but I'm glad the relationship is over. I would never have had the courage to leave him - I thought I was in love, even though it made me unhappy. I don't like living here with him, but I'm not moving out. I've said he can move out if he doesn't like it. I just want the finances agreed and to move on :-)