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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Very worried about child - got off Surbiton train yesterday!

109 replies

worryingminnie · 01/03/2018 14:09

Hi all,

I'm so so upset about a scene I saw on the train last night. Mum and (I think DS got on train for two stops. Obviously freezing cold and it was 6pm ish. DS approx 4 yrs old. He was dressed up well (hat, scarf, wellies, hood) and she was well dressed too (SuperDry jacket etc). Crammed train and son holding on whilst standing. She was SO AWFUL to him - kept goading him and telling him off - saying random things about cancelling Easter, making him walk home etc. He clearly wanted to sleep and yet she kept on and every so often he's start crying again - he really didn't want to speak. All of the adults were horrified and one older Man was muttering "leave the kid alone". I was about to stand up and offer him my seat and try to engage her in conversation but they got off at Surbiton and suddenly she started screaming again at him - it was all you could hear. But the train pulled away.

I texted British Transport Police (no idea why really) and said, when where in the hope they might be at the station or look on CCTV (but sure they won't) and used the City of London 'worried about a child' email address but got reply to say they would need address etc. - of course!

The Mum talked about a sister. At one point he started bashing his head on a pilar and she did put her hand their to stop him but she was awful to him.

I can't stop thinking about his poor little face. Keep getting tearful.

WHAT CAN I DO????? Am I over-reacting??? Could have been the end of a bad day for her but she certainly didn't have the sense to shut up in front on the train adults.

OP posts:

mollied · 01/03/2018 16:43

I not surprised you get tearful thinking about it but there are so many parents like it that you hear in public places. Don't think there is much you can do about it now other than try and forget about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/03/2018 16:57

Why have you described them in so much detail OP?

Original poster

worryingminnie · 01/03/2018 16:58

British Transport Police just called and they're going to check the CCTV and see if they can pass to SS etc.

At least "See It, Say It, Sort It" (our new London Transport campaign) isn't a complete waste of time.

OP posts:

george49 · 01/03/2018 16:58

She's hoping that someone "knows" them and gives them a beating reports them to social services. On the strength of a description on mumsnet.

taratill · 01/03/2018 17:01

The 'see it, say it, report it' campaign is not designed for this though, it's a response to terrorism threats.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2018 17:01

I think you should contact social services or NSPCC. Because that child could be in danger. She sounds totally unfit to be in charge of a child. In these desperate cases it's always oh if only somebody had done something.

george49 · 01/03/2018 17:03

FGS what's she going to say?

Four hours ago I saw a kid on a train?!

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:05

I can’t see why the police are even entertaining this. It’s no where near a police matter.

george49 · 01/03/2018 17:05

They're not. They rolled their eyes, put the phone down and went back to eating doughnuts.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:08

george well yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking they would do.

Original poster

worryingminnie · 01/03/2018 17:09

Thanks everyone for offering useful suggestions. Thanks to all of you I will know what to do if faced with a situation again.

George49 - sorry I've clearly angered you. Didn't mean to.

Have a lovely evening.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:09

vivienne How exactly does she sound like unit to be in charge of a parent? I think some prospective has to be kept here.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/03/2018 17:13

Tinky

Over years of workimg in social care I’ve had children described to me where I have instantly known who they are, as have a large number of teachers I know both personally and professionally.

Weirdly within the last few weeks I’ve rang 7 schools with a description of a teen and had that child identified and referred on.

A description of the child and a description of their care giver is likely to be very useful if you get the right school especially at that age

george49 · 01/03/2018 17:14

But the OP doesn't even know which town they live in!

tinkywinky2018 · 01/03/2018 17:15

Over years of workimg in social care I’ve had children described to me where I have instantly known who they are, as have a large number of teachers I know both personally and professionally

Pretty dangerous. You assumed you knew who they were, you could easily have been wrong. OP describes the wellies better than the child anyway

Qvar · 01/03/2018 17:15

The difficulty is, she didn't DO anything wrong. Everything she did is invisible to a camera

And unfortunately, goading a small child to the point of tears by threatening to cancel Easter and make him walk home, while horrible, is subcriminal horrible. She's walking an incredibly fine line, but she is walking it nonetheless.

Try to put it out of your mind OP. Some people are just shits. You can't fix everything. In 60 years time he will hopefully leave her in a shit nursing home to rot.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2018 17:16

Because the Mother sounds abusive. People need to act if they think a child is in danger. And people on a train thought it was wrong and so did OP. Police could probably track them from CCTV.

Nicknacky · 01/03/2018 17:19

vivienne You are vastly over estimating the abilities of cctv.

george49 · 01/03/2018 17:19

Vivienne I think you're being absolutely irrational.

The OP knows NOTHING about the pair. Not even whether they are related. As someone said upthread, the mother won't be seen by the CCTV as doing anything wrong - she was just talking.

There is no way any authority is going to take this further. It's ridiculous. Why would they spend man hours trawling CCTV because one random punter said a nasty lady was shouting at their kid?

user764329056 · 01/03/2018 17:20

That poor little boy, some parents are fucking awful, am with you OP, feel sick reading it

MasterWu · 01/03/2018 17:20

Police could probably track them from CCTV

It really really doesn't work like that. At all.

Rory786 · 01/03/2018 17:25

OP, sorry you had to witness that and even more sorry for the little mite.

Open question to all: what SHOULD you do in a situation like this, I agree that its our responsibility to safe guard and not to turn a blind eye.

GrannyGrissle · 01/03/2018 17:31

Could you have taken a stealth photo or two of Beast Mother from hell? People are so bloody terrified of reporting to SS (i have and my life was made a misery for a year because of it but the poor little girl got the help she needed) that i wouldn't be sure someone will have picked up on the issues and reported.
On a lighter note it'll give all the MNers who moan about performance parenting something to think about.

Timetogetup0630 · 01/03/2018 17:36

I would have tried to engage either Mother or child in a chatty sort of conversation to divert them from the nagging...and then find out a bit more about them.

Timetogetup0630 · 01/03/2018 17:41

worryingminnie that's good news, well done.
Sorry some people have been so horrible to you. You were just
posting this for advice and support, not a slanging.

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