Was DH being unreasonable?

[smileygrapefruit]

DH just walked to the shop for a few bits, got to the check out and said "Morning love, crazy weather out there!" She refused to serve him because he'd called her love. For context, we're in Yorkshire where every one calls every one love, DH calls his male friends love. This will probably divide opinion on MN but I'm wondering if it served him right or whether the lady should have served him? He had to walk as we can't get the car out due to the snow and the next shop is going to be a good 40 min walk each way!

He would, of course. Entirely routine across Yorkshire. Men go into pubs and say "Theakstones, please, sweetheart" to barman all the time. Every workplace is reverberating with foremen asking blokes to "Back that forklift up a bit, love". Mechanics tell male customers that "you need a new alternator, pet"........

He would almost certainly use the term 'mate' which is surely no more or less objectionable than 'love'?

Some people really don't like being called love/darling.
It actually grates on me when the bus driver says darling to me. But I'd never over react like that.

I had a shop assistant once call me gorgeous and when I told him not to do that as it wasn't appropriate he minimised it by saying he was only calling me something nice.
He had done it to me previously and tended to stalk me round the shop. Needless to say he hasn't done it again once I told my DH about it and he spoke to him directly.

In Yorkshire, said "love" to someone and got that reaction- person is up their own ar_e with political correctness. She should try living where I am in Scotland, everyone calls you "hen.

I live in London, my tattooist, from Yorkshire, calls me babe, his assistant, from London, calls me sweetheart, they're the only men apart from DH who call me either of those. I know they don't mean anything by it.

It matters because language is important. Men use words like love to patronise and belittle women- we've all experienced "the mechanic's love". It's like men calling adult women girls.

And I did my "research" because I have spent a lot of time in Yorkshire over the last 40 years and never heard a man calling another man "love". Neither has my very Yorkshire dp. The shop floor was a print works. The project kept me amused over a rather tedious Christmas break. But obviously I was in the wrong bit of the North

And when it's Yorkshire women calling other women 'love', is that to patronise and belittle them in your very studied opinion BertrandRussell ?

@BertrandRussell. Thank you for the reply. I agree with this bit: It matters because language is important. Pet names certainly can be patronising, but it doesn't mean they always or usually are.

Men use words like love to patronise and belittle women

Some men do. Which is, I hope, what you meant. Making sweeping generalisations about a group of people is prejudiced.

obviously I was in the wrong bit of the North

I think you were, or at least the wrong circles. I would never get called 'love' by a bloke at work, but I might by a woman. My best mate calls me love, but in my life I've perhaps known 10 other men who might do this. Every one of them does a manual job.

I used to find these diminutives irritating, but these days I think I'd hate to see the colourfulness of our language die. Do you really think all these northerners on MN are lying about their own language?

Bertrand I hear blokes in Leeds and Manchester calling each other "love" quite often. It's a term where tone is key; in just the same way that "madam" can be polite, affectionate or a put-down. It's all completely dependent on the context and tone of voice.

Context is everything.

I only get irritated when people use about five endearments in one sentence especially if hun is in there - the main culprits ime are young women.
Thankfully I hardly ever hear 'me wench' anymore.The most common ones in my area, are bab, chick, love, sweetheart and mate from both men and women. My first manager (a straight man) called everyone flower, from the juniors to the Chief Exec.

I'm with Bertrand The language used about/towards women reflects our relative status, so it's worth debating

Yorkshire is a big place! In Which bit of Yorkshire do men regularly call each other "love?"Have lived here for all but 7 of my 37 years and have never heard a man refer to another man as "love" aside from perhaps in a very jokey/taking the piss way between mates. Certainly not to a stranger at the checkout!

I’m from Liverpool, we’re all queens up here.

South Yorkshire sunshine - and possibly other areas, that I wouldnt know.

matters because language is important. Men use words like love to patronise and belittle women- we've all experienced "the mechanic's love". It's like men calling adult women girls.
Two women i used to work with called everyone love, men and women. Suppose they must also have been patronising

Ffs. She should get over herself.
Move away from Yorkshire if your precious snowflake sensibilities cannot cope with being called love. This is a classically immature response in a customer facing role.
She should spend more time getting to know the customers and finding the trading style of the area and if this does not suit her then leave.
He is not bu.

Does the shop sell grips? If so she should use her staff discount and buy in bulk sounds like she’s going to need them

The language used about/towards women reflects our relative status, so it's worth debating

So what does the non-gender specific word 'love' signify about that status?

I'm from Yorkshire and so used to 'love' 'duck' 'sweetheart' it hardly registers.

A stranger calling me by my name from my name badge used to REALLY creep me out for some reason, so much so that I refused to wear one.

Geordie here, everyone up here is 'hinny', 'chick', 'babe, 'dear', 'pet', 'love' or 'dickhead'

"Today 20:16 theftbyfinding

And when it's Yorkshire women calling other women 'love', is that to patronise and belittle them in your very studied opinion BertrandRussell ?"

No. Because context and power balance is all.

"So what does the non-gender specific word 'love' signify about that status?"
If it was genuinely non gender specific it would signify absolutely nothing. In the real world.....

I’ve worked for 9 years with Yorkshire customers in a professional role and I hear love, hun, my dear, darling, pet, chick, sweetheart, sometimes gorgeous every day
Our delivery driver calls me ‘hunnie’ every day and one particular lady calls me ‘chuck’
I’m not British and half of the times find it hilarious especially when it comes from very old ladies.
I’m so used to it now that I barely pay attention.
I don’t call anyone that, it can’t go through my throat - it sounds too artificial and I have to be professional, so I call them Mrs/Mr/Ms/Miss Lastname. Sometimes I call regulars by first name.

BTW one of the customers calls me Doctor... thank you doctor, good morning doctor etc
I’m not a doctor in the slightest and my colleagues alway secretly giggle hidden from customer’s view. I just put my serious face on and carry on normal conversation (I tried explain once I had just masters degree - didn’t help).

One lady called me Jade recently (my first name is not even British and sounds nothing like Jade).
Couple of customers call me Heather just because my name sounds a bit similar, some people pronounce my name completely wrong but I’m long past that stage when I cared (maybe 8 years ago was last time). I just nod and smile...

She was v unreasonable and self centred

If it was genuinely non gender specific it would signify absolutely nothing. In the real world.....

.....what?

"My love"/"my lover" is pretty normal round my way (which is down south)

Northerners do not have a complete monopoly on this