To ask someone who does this to explain why?

[QueenOfIce]

Social media posts like this, why?!

"1 year ago today this little bubs came into our life, you are our world little munchkin we are so proud of you. Happy birthday! Love you to the moon and back"
#bubs1stbirthday #mummyanddaddyslittlelegend #myworld #bestie

juddyrockingcloggs Pretty sure that anyone who posts happy birthday on Facebook to someone they live with also says it to the person's face too. It's okay.

I hope that nobody would raise their eyebrows at someone posting a photo of a deceased loved one on their birthday. They would be doing that as a way of remembering them. I understand that. Imo that is very different to posting a message wishing their living child a happy birthday especially if that child isn't on SM and can't even read.

Two very different things.

I think some people (maybe new to social media) are getting things a bit muddled. With Facebook, instagram whatever you're not supposed to post only what you estimate others will find interesting or care about. You're supposed to post what you find interesting and care about. Other people's response doesn't really come into it when they're the ones in control of their account and can choose to scroll past, ignore, delete, block or unfollow.

I hope you never post anything personal on social media.

No one cares about your promotion
No one cares about your holiday
No one cares that you got a new car
No one cares about anybody else ever so why bother

I don't really see the difference GreatDuckCookery. They're both posts ostensibly directed towards someone who can't read them. You might post a deceased loved on in celebration of them like you do with your child's birthday.

You're supposed to post what you find interesting and care about. Other people's response doesn't really come into it when they're the ones in control of their account and can choose to scroll past, ignore, delete, block or unfollow.

Precisely. It's a bit like a blog in that sense - we write what we want and other people choose if they're bothered to subscribe or not.

PS I love my friends and family. And I only have them on my friends list. So I don't sit there meanly casting judgment on everything i see trying to pick it apart and saying 'I don't give a shit about what you think is worth sharing!'

I scroll and enjoy seeing what the people I love find worthy of sharing. Sometimes it really engages me and sometimes it doesn't. But the fact I care about these people means I wouldn't think to sit there meanly thinking 'urgh why aren't you posting what I personally want to see, you selfish prick'. Cos I'm not a selfish prick and it's not all about me.

I hope that nobody would raise their eyebrows at someone posting a photo of a deceased loved one on their birthday. They would be doing that as a way of remembering them. I understand that. Imo that is very different to posting a message wishing their living child a happy birthday especially if that child isn't on SM and can't even read.

• Deceased relative is hardly on Facebook reading those messages either.

Yep alpineibex. Astounds me how few people realise that despite thinking they're 'social media savvy'. And instead of noticing and learning they just stick to their rigid mistaken view and use it as a reason to be nasty about others! It's quite embarrassing to witness.

^I should imagine they care that their little bubs is 1 - perhaps their family care as well and maybe their friends. The ones who don't care probably go 'oh it's bubs' birthday - I'm not really that interested' and scroll on.

What I'd like explaining is what sort of person read an innocuous yet slightly annoying birthday post for someone's birthday and then goes to another form of social media so they can sneer at them - nowt as queer as folk^

Agree!!

So, YABU

I don’t like it either BUT there wouldn’t be Gacebook if people didn’t post things they wanted to post!!
Just ignore!

Facebook not Gacebook!

Deceased relative is hardly on Facebook reading those messages either

Nooooooo???? Really?!?! Fuck me, I didn't know that.

anxious

Point being, I don't see the difference between celebrating a deceased loved one on Facebook and celebrating a live loved one on Facebook who doesn't have Facebook.

That wasn't aimed at you, Alpine, it was an attempt to show the other poster how ridiculous their comment was, but then I realised it looks like I was ridiculing you 😁

Oh sorry

I think there's a difference Limon. People often forget the birthdays and anniversary of the person that has died so it's a nice way of getting them to remember them. Plus I imagine it would be a comfort to their living relatives. It's not done in a me me me way.

What about when people ( usually women from what I've seen on my FB ) who tell their OH's how much they love them, what a lucky princess they are, that they love them " all the world " with loads of xxxxxx at the end of the post.

Who's that for?

This also perplexes me OP. Why write the post in that way when 'Bubs', deceased person, or spouse can't actually read it? Why not write the post so that it addresses your actual audience?

I dont understand it at all.

Why does it matter?

You think they shouldn't because everything should be private and no one cares about a one year old?
Would it be ok if the message hadn't been addressed to the child?

Marking a birthday isn't a particularly unusal affair.

Wanting to police how others do things so much, that you think they should only do it how you do it isn't a good thing.

Deceased relative is hardly on Facebook reading those messages either.

Some people do like to believe they would be. No need to be so disparaging of others’ beliefs.

Alpine you're all heart I see. Of course dead people can't read FB. As I've just explained in my previous post, people do that for various reasons, one of them being that I'm sure it brings some comfort to be able to post a picture of them and for people to remember them.

I don’t know. The hashtags get to me as does when the status is written directly to said one year old. Little Jonny can’t read it Shiela! Friends and family members post stuff to my Mum on the anniversary of her death, I must admit it makes me cringe but I think that’s more my problem for wanting my grief to be private.

A friend (who obvs doesn’t know me very well) gave us a pack of those milestone cards for our new baby and is expecting us to do them and post the pictures on FB. I’ve consodered it but to be honest it makes me feel like a bit of a dick...... does anybody need to know that she’s 4 weeks old, then 6, then 8?! I already know and anybody else could use a calendar surely...

The deceased isn’t listening at the funeral either.

It’s a way for the living to grieve and remember those they loved

I have a friend who posts to her friends page saying how much she misses her, tags her in memes, shares memories with her. Her friend died last year.
I think this sort of thing is lovely because it's a source of comfort to the the deceased's family & friends - it says that the person hasn't been forgotten. My sister died a long time ago but some of her university friends still keep in touch with my parents & shows that they cared about my sister.
I detest the word 'bubs' & quite possibly I'd roll my eyes at some posts but I'd not feel the need to make the effort to slag them off on Mumsnet because I know that there are plenty of people who'd equally disparaging things to say about what I do.
(And I don't give a toss if anyone thinks I'm crackers for doing birthday & Christmas cards to my pets - my family, my life, my choice)

Because my social media profile will outlive me. My kids and grandkids will be able to see what I was thinking when all those wonderful moments happened - in my voice - for years and years.

I have a friend who died suddenly at a young age and it gives us all great comfort to read back on his comments, see his photos and remember his voice.

Surely you can accept that?