Aibu to think 29 is too old to be in a band...

[Pecanpickles]

... for a living?

My brother’s friend’s job is to be in a local band. They’re quite good, but not hugely successful either, they’re still waiting for their ‘big break’. He does some minimum wage supermarket shifts to supplement his income.

This man has a wife and two small children under 5. He also has a degree. AIBU to think he should grow up and get a proper job, or am I a stuffy killjoy?

if you think that the simple solution is for you not to be in a band apart from that its none of your business.

plus I have a friend (aged 40!!) who sings in a decent pub band and when they are busy with gigs in summer she earns a good living from it!

Don’t forget that he’s probably around more than most 9-5 dads with those shifts even with rehearsals. I’d far rather survive on as little as possible and do something I love and I want that for the people I love too. You don’t know their background. He might have supported them for years while she pursued her interests and passions.

Are you in fact the wife OP?

If so, then YANBU. Have you posted about this DH's hobby band previously?

I know that this is a revolutionary new idea and all that but maybe the wife WANTS to work full time? Don't assume that SAHM or PT is what she wants, she might hate the thought of doing that.

XH is 52 and an arachnologist. He doesn't make anywhere near enough money to live on, but he does his DSis's garden for board and lodging. Meh.

I'm with you OP. I know several married men who have children to support who spend time and money following pipe dreams that continue to come to nothing whilst their partners support them and the family.

Each to their own but I find the principal of it selfish and think they are in denial. It only becomes my business if it affects me directly and so far it hasn't but I do judge them for their choices.

I used to work as a nanny for a man who was in a couple of famous bands and his wife was still the main earner. He's in his 40s now.

My dad is still in a band and he is 73! Him, his botther and a few mates have been doing this since they were 15. When we were kids and times were tough, it was Dad going out and doing a gig tor two every week that meant the difference between meeting eating beans all week or actually having a variety of meals. He has never been globally recognised but is very well known and respected in his circles and actually headlined above the Beatles when they had just formed. Now he is retired, he gets paid £120 a night per gig and it keeps him active. While my mother who divorced him 24 years ago sits at home every night with a crossword and only leaves the house to do her food shopping.

I know what I would prefer!

Could be worse. He could be Van Gogh.

It's between him and his wife really isn't it?

I think what makes it ok is that he does do the supermarket shifts as well.

89 yes.
29 no.

Woah OP, questioning his priorities? You are way too over invested in his business if you are not directly affected by his priorities. Why are there so many people on here who think they have a liberty to judge others, to the point that they start a thread to garner other peoples approval of their opinion!
threads like this often make me wonder whether neighbours or people I come into contact with in day to day life are making judgements on me, sorry but unless you are directly affected then mind your own.

Tbh on reflection I actually think that this discussion has two particular points.

Whether it’s ok for this bloke to work part time in a supermarket, do some gigging and look after the kids some of the time while his wife is the one who is working full time is of course between them and would be regardless of the kind of work he was doing.

I certainly have friends who have benefited from these kinds of arrangements the other way around in that the man has been the one working full time while the wife has been pursuing her hobby to the point of wanting to earn a living while looking after the kids, and I don’t see an issue with that, regardless of what the hobby is.

However, at 29 if someone wasn’t working and is not prepared to get a job because they “play in a band” or paint pictures or are writing their novel and are just waiting for their “big break” then i do think that grips need to be got and reality checks need to be taken.... .

That’s not to say that pursuing music isn’t a worthwhile thing to do, but it is highly, highly unlikely to lead to anything lucrative, and it is entirely possible to pursue music while also working for a living, because the bills have to be paid somehow, and while music might pay on a gig by gig basis there are no guarantees in life, and the music industry is extremely fickle.

It’s not dissimilar with e.g. sport. I have a friend whose ds was an exceptional football player to the point he was sought by teams for their junior squad. And she refused on the basis that the likelihood of him actually becoming a world renouned footballer with a lucrative career was extremely slim. So she ensured that he did his exams, got his a-levels and had another career in mind. He has since been signed by a team and is doing relatively well for them. But he’s never going to make it as the next David Beckham any more than the majority of other kids who aspire to be footballers.

I cringe when I listen to some of the wannabes on xfactor and the like talk about how being a musician is all they ever wanted, and how they can’t wait to no longer do such menial jobs as work in offices or restaurants any more, seemingly forgetting that the vast, vast majority of people work in those kinds of jobs and being a musician is by no means a, a certain thing or b, means that they’re above everyone else, because they’re really not.

And the majority of them are in fact never heard of again......